Extremely introverted and maybe anxiety?

[LanceSparculas]

HI i am a 16 year old boy about to enter sophomore in high school i been having problems with some stuff 1. is getting called on in class (keep in mind tht i am an introvert and hates talking to other people) anyway when the teacher calls on me i get red and when i answer a question i just have fear of people judging me everytime i just freak out everytime i answer a question in school, its just getting called in school is scary for me like when teachers do random calls its just my body gets cold and i start to get nervous and shake like crazy is there anyway i can get rid of this? and also i hate going outside to other people maybe im just scared of society

[LanceSparculas]

My parents have no clue what social anxiety is so its pointless telling them, and by the way im not exactly in sohpomore yet about 10 days ill be going to school

[specialmom]

I understand your point that your parents are not helpful.  Until you are free of their financial and overall control of you, you kind of have to work on this alone.  My posts to you suggest that you CAN do that.  Let me know if you need any help.  I'm happy to tell you what I can and share ideas with you.  good luck

[Paxiled]

I get your parents don't know what social anxiety is, but don't get hung up on labels as you seek help from wherever you seek it from.  Anxiety is anxiety.  We manifest it in different ways, but it's all anxiety -- some are afraid off social situations and focus it there, others are afraid to drive on a freeway.  But it's still just anxiety.  Don't define yourself by the label.  Your parents do know what it is to face pressure.  But if they won't help you, specialmom has offered suggestions.  What we all are saying is we want you to find an adult to help you, we don't want you to believe this is inevitable forever.  Peace.

[LanceSparculas]

I told my dad he didnt say anything as expected

[specialmom]

so, what about some of my suggestions.  Got 10 to 15 bucks?  You can get a social anxiety work book for teens to start at least doing something for yourself.  There are sites for teens also aimed at helping them.  There is even a social anxiety APP if you have a phone that gives you daily social challenges.  Think of ALL interaction as practice.  My son has learned to be an 'observer' until he is comfortable.  This helps me too.  To sit back and watch with a smile on your face, good body language (sitting up, leaning in, making eye contact) . . . listening.  And when you think you have something to add, just start slowly.  Know you'll make mistakes and look at it all as practice, no pressure.  

Learning breathing exercises helps too.  In class, do some as you are about to raise your hand (and raising your hand when you know something is better than being called on because you haven't contributed.  So, be proactive).  Breath in for 3, hold 3, out for 3, hold 3, repeat.  If you have a presentation, practice it 10 times in front of a mirror.  Or if the mirror makes you uncomfortable, just practice it 10 times.  

You are definitely NOT alone.  Many kids have this same stuff going on inside of them.  You are of an age in which you are super self conscious and it sounds like you have less than empathetic, warm parents.  Your dad may have drilled perfectionism into your head so much that you are so afraid now to fail.  But we all know we can and will fail over and over in life.  It's what you do after that matters more.  Resilience.  Dust yourself off, try again.  

Anyway, I hope you stick around!  

I even got my son the old Dale Carnegie book because it has a lot of insight that I think can help with dealing with people and building confidence doing it.  You might want to try that too.  

good luck

[Paxiled]

And just to add one thing, I'd talk to you Dad and your Mom again.  I'm sure they want the best for you.  I'm sure they understand more than they will say.  I could be wrong, but if saying it once didn't help, say it twice.

[KristenSwan]

I think you are very small for all of this mess. You have social anxiety that is not good for your health and your future. You should talk to your parents about this and consult a doctor as soon as possible. Don't wait for anything; otherwise this condition may become severe.

[LanceSparculas]

I do not have a therapist and asking my parents is not good i have asian parents ill just get roasted by my dad if i do trust me i know how they are like i just want this to be gone..

[Paxiled]

Your Asian parents know about pressure more than maybe you give them credit for -- they got it from their parents, too.  You've got to try something to break out of this cycle, so please, do talk to someone.

[specialmom]

Oh, I'm sorry to read this  While we can't diagnose you on the internet, you do sound very anxious!  That is so hard.  Social anxiety is really difficult and uncomfortable.  And I'm sure besides the performance anxiety, speaking in front of others, being singled out in class is awful, you'd also like to have friends and a social life.  Social anxiety is treatable!  There is therapy that is proven to be very beneficial and man do take medication for anxiety/SAD along with that. That's for you and your doctor to decide. But the best thing to do is know that you CAN get help with this and talking to your mom and/or your dad is the first step.  School counselors have resources.  Therapists/psychologists are great. They even have online therapy these days that can be done first in chat and then you can do skype or phone call ---  and it is cheaper than a traditional psychologist setting.  Anyway, that's just an option. There are a lot of hand books aimed at teens as well for this and work books that are interactive so you can participate in what you are reading.  Amazon and Ebay have many and they are maybe around 10 to 15 dollars, so not expensive.  My son, close to your age, has had to work on this as well.  

By the way, do you have an intense fear of failure?  Are you a perfectionist?  We all have this to a certain extent but people like my son and  maybe you have fight or flight level responses to this fear.  

[Paxiled]

You have a form of social anxiety.  I'd discuss this with your parents and try and get yourself into therapy with a psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety problems.  You can learn some relaxation techniques and maybe figure out where the insecurity comes from.  In the meantime, look at getting called on the fun part of school -- school is a pretty passive thing, you sit and the adults decide your day for you.  The only time you get to truly have fun is when you get called on, on tests and on papers, when you get to talk.  Next to learning new things, which is fun for a lifetime, getting to talk in class and on tests is the next best thing about school if you think about it.

[LanceSparculas]

Nope i dont find tht fun getting called on school i just sart freezing and have extreme aniexty when teachers pull sticks i wish i was normal like other people

[Paxiled]

No, I get that, I'm suggesting a different way to think about it.  That's how you beat anxiety, you change the way you think about it.  It's hard, but if it works, your problem will be fixed.