I fear death like many others in this forum. And at this moment this has grown to a full blown anxiety attack which is continuing almost always within myself. I always keep asking myself the same question ‘If one day all of us are going to be reduced to a dead body what is the significance of this life…???’ It is not that this is the first time I am going through such a phase; I have been through similar phases in at least thrice earlier in my life even in my childhood, although I do not remember how I came out of
those phases. The present phase at 25 seems to be the strongest and continuing for more than one month.
This anxiety of death has grown to such an extent that I can’t carry on with anything in my life. I can’t do any work at home and even at office. I spend long times panic stricken sitting alone in office toilet. What makes this problem worse when I realize there is not anything I can do to avoid the subject of my fear…death. What I always tend to do is sleeping at the corner of my home. Due to social, professional and family obligations I have to do many things but strictly I like doing nothing but ponder over the same topic “How can I avoid death…???How can I find a significance of living life…???”
I hate every morning as it reduces another day from my life. I always feel a heavy heart beat beneath my chest. I day dream about the dead bodies of people around me, my near and dear ones and of even myself. The only time I find a beat of peace within my mind is during the night when I spend some quiet hours with my parents and sister at home. I wish those hours could last forever.
It seems to me that life is an illusion and it has no value. I read several religious articles about death and afterlife and also think about them but can believe none. I pray to god if there could have been a life without any sorrow, grief and death. I wish if there could have been a way to conquer death like everything else in life but can’t find any.
Meanwhile this state of mind has started taking a toll on my performances. My parents have come to know that I am going through a depression. They often suspect a girlfriend of profession related problem behind this. I can not properly explain them my state of mind and whenever I try they cannot understand. They are going to take me to the psychiatrists. But I worry how can I will be able to explain all these to psychiatrist…???
I believe no body can help me to get out of this state except god…Does go exist…???Is there anybody who can help me…???