319399 tn?1254531681


Ever since i was small i have always had a fear of knives or anything that can cut things. I used to have frequent nightmares about different men trying to cut me. I have also this mild fear of people when i am in a crowed place. I tend to be very attentive when i am alone and i keep looking around me and staring in people's faces and their hands, . If i see a knife my heart skips a beat and then i calm myself down through private talk. I'm i nuts??

A few days a go i was robbed and ever since i am terrified to leave the house. I don't know the person who did it but i have seen him on different occasions where he happens to pop up where i am ( as i said i am very attentive)...i felt that he was following me.

I know my fear of knives have something to do with my childhood. You see, my father was a tyrant and he abused us in every way possibles except sexually. He used sharpen his machete so that the blade was so white.He would do it almost every morning.. then he would chop after my mother with it when he gets angry. he never actually hurt her with it but i was terrified that he would one day. Sometimes he chopped through windows and doors and that used to terrify me.

I am also a victim of multiple sexual abuse. I say multiple because it was done by several persons within and outside of my family.. all males.

I have always been strong. I have always told myself that i cant allow feelings to dictate my life. But I am finding myself becoming irrational. This is what frightens me the most. The man who robbed me isn't around anymore i guess he got what he wanted but still i cant get myself to accept that at times. I'm i going crazy?

Please any advice to get past this??
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Avatar universal
Yes, I have a similar fear of knives.  I'm 47 and this started just a few years ago.  But I don't have any past history that would lead to this.  I love to cook, but i get a little anxious around knives.  I don't know why, but I just acknowledge it and try to get past it.

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319399 tn?1254531681
Thanks for answering my post. It really means a lot to me. I am finding that as the days go by i am getting less and less fearful about the incident that took place. I am not going to let fear control my life. I know what you mean about fear of knives, i do have to work with them so i use them. Yet, i still feel uncomfortable.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
It sounds as though you are fighting many demons....from your past especially.  Have you ever tried aggressive talk therapy?  That would by my advice...long term aggressive psychotherapy, and possibly medications.  You need to eventually be able to separate the OBJECT (knife) from the fear reaction...and just be able to see it for what it is, a tool.  That way....when the knife is needed in context (ie cooking)...you won't have that fear reaction.  It isn't the KNIFE you fear so much as the bad intentions that people have showed with it.

You have been through a lot in your life..be kind to yourself and realize that as a result of a lot of other people's cruelty (your father, the people who sexually abused you, etc)...you have a fight to fight,  It isn't YOUR fault and no, you're not crazy.  The psyche can only take so much before you end up with significant anxiety/depression.

Best of luck.
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