I don't have a question so much, its more that I need to explain to someone what's going through my head as I haven't been myself for six months now. Six months ago I found out that artex or textured coatings may contain a type of asbestos. This lead me to conduct research on the internet (bad idea I know). Since then I've thought back to times when there could have been a possible exposure, almost convincing myself that I've been exposed to the different forms of asbestos from the least dangerous to the most dangerous. I would then go on the internet to try and convince myself that in that particular situation there was no risk to myself. Its got to the point where I look for it everywhere now and it's beginning to affect my life in a big way. I even think that if I see a builder on the tube that they've come from a site containing asbestos. Right now I am probably at my lowest point. I work in an old building, they're offices. Today in the loo I saw a hatch in the ceiling, its been painted over but it obviously opens into some area of the ceiling perhaps air vents or pipes.There is still the slightest gap between the hatch and the ceiling which the paint does not cover which is fluffy from the dust gathering there. As asbestos was used everywhere back in the day, I've got it into my head that that
a) The hatch is asbestos board, or
b) that the hatch leads to a cavity in the ceiling where there are pipes covered in asbestos insulation.
In order to reassure myself that it's not asbestos I tapped (flicked with my nails) the hatch a few times (I have no idea how I would be able to tell by doing this), and I tried to have a proper look at the gap to see if it was dust build up where the gap between the hatch and the ceiling is.
Having done this I left the mens toilets only to return a few minutes later to do the same,
I have now convinced myself that I have exposed myself to asbestos dust by doing this. That by flicking the board (the vibrations) I have disturbed asbestos through the aforementioned board, or have disturbed asbestos on the pipes in the ceiling cavity and now I am in dread.
I think that in the years to come I will develop an asbestos related disease because of this. I understand that this may seem outrageous to whoever reads it but in my head this seems very real and also rational.
Like I said this isn't so much a question but I welcome comments and discussions and if anyone else wants to share. I'm trying to help myself by reading a book on anxiety and trying to stay away from the web but its hard and I keep being brought back to these thoughts.