If I am reading your post correctly, you had PROTECTED sex with a CSW. Protected sex means NO RISK.
You then got tested at 7 weeks and again at 12 weeks. Both tests were negative for HIV. The three month test would have given you a 100% conclusive result. You do NOT have HIV.
You state:
"However,I am always in depression and sway towards self destructive tendencies thinking that i might get HIV!!"
I strongly suggest you get yourself educated about HIV before your next sexual encounter so you will not have to deal with all this fear.
Sorry, but I can't help you with your feelings of being "guilt ridden and sad." My advice to avoid those feelings would be to stop patronizing CSW's. Especially if you're married.
There are three ways you can contract HIV:
1) UNPROTECTED sex with a known HIV+ partner
2) Sharing drug works, (needles) with an HIV+ person
3) HIV+ mother to unborn child
You don't fall into any of these categories and you've tested negative for HIV.
I suggest if you want to live a happy life, one free from the worry of HIV, then get into a monogamous relationship or refrain from sex until you are.
If our words have not helped, call your local HIV/AIDS Hotline and speak to the folks there. Or find a way to get into therapy.
Move on
Greenlydia
i have had no risk as such!...am actually very guilt ridden and hence cant think straight!
Why can't you visit a therapist? Why do you think you may have HIV? Have you put yourself at risk? Have you had health anxiety problems in the past?
Anxiety can definitely be debilitating in my opinion. My original source of anxiety was from concerns about my health just like so many other people in this forum. For me, learning about the anxiety helped me confront and deal with it.