HOCD

[anna7513]

I am a 16 year old female with a history of medical anxiety and panic disorder. I take sertraline every day to help me with it. Earlier this week a friend told me that another friends mom thought that I was a lesbian. My mom called the other friends mom and asked about and the mom denied ever calling me a lesbian. The thought that someone thought that I was a lesbian really bothered me and since then I can't stop thinking about. I know it's normal for teenagers to question their sexuality and I am not going to lie and say that I haven't ever questioned it. This time feels more stressful than the other times. When I thought about being a lesbian the other times I would make myself take quizzes online to see if I was a lesbian. This time however, I made myself take multiple quizzes, I felt like I couldn't hang out with my friends, I talked to my parents and multiple friends for reassurance, and I searched up signs that I was gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but the thought of being gay scares me. Every time I think about it I want to cry. I have never had a real boyfriend, but I've had crushes on many boys. What freaks me out the most is thinking that my parents think I'm gay and they are just not telling me. I look through my moms texts all the time to see if I can find messages that question my sexuality. I also get really nervous thinking about having to tell my parents if I'm really gay. Please help me. I don't know if I'm really a lesbian or of I'm just experiencing HOCD. It's eating me alive and I just need help.

[Paxiled]

Look, you've got an insecurity problem and maybe an anxiety problem, as you're letting others define you.  You're only 16, who cares if you've had a boyfriend or not?  And I'm sure you've spoken to plenty of lesbians, you just don't know it because they're just people like you are.  It's the way you're thinking about your thinking that is the problem, and that's what you need to deal with.  If your parents aren't a source of help, try talking to your school counselor and see if that gets you somewhere.

[anna7513]

I'm also scared that I'm going to make myself talk to a lesbian and see how I feel and I don't want to do that

[anna7513]

I'm pretty sure I'm not attracted to women, but ever since that mom called me a lesbian I keep panicking thinking about being gay. Like since she called me gay, that must be I haven't figured out that I'm gay yet and I don't want to be gay. I'm really self conscious about the fact that I've never had a boyfriend and this all made me feel really bad about myself and I keep thinking that if one person thought I was gay everyone must.

[Paxiled]

First thing is, stay away from Dr. Google.  Google can be helpful when you have a diagnosis or to research a medication or procedure you've been told to take, but not very useful to just google symptoms.  Second, everyone has thoughts about themselves -- the question is, what are your actions?  If you're not attracted to women and you are to boys, you're not gay.  Third, anyone would be at least angry at hearing someone said something controversial about them.  Fourth, don't take the term HOCD that seriously -- it's just a description of one type of obsessive thinking that anxious people do, but it isn't any different than any other type of bothersome thoughts.  The problem isn't what you're thinking so much as that thinking is bothering you.  That's the problem to focus on.

[anna7513]

I also make myself look at pictures of females to see if I get sexually aroused, and if I start feeling anything I freak out and think that it must mean I'm a lesbian. Please help me