I think I may have social anxiety? Any help?

[InsanityManity]

Okay so I first kinda had the idea I may have social anxiety when my my mum wanted to me to go and buy something from the shop. I refused because I didn’t like the idea of having to talk to the cashier. I know this sounds ridiculous but it constantly happens to me. I’m terrified of talking to new people incase the judge me, I know it’s irrational but I can’t help but really nervous and anxious. So instead of having to talk to the cashier I had a meltdown in the car and refused to go In and buy anything. With my close friends and super chatty but with others and new people i can’t help but always think they are judging me. I’ve done some re search and all the signs are pointing to social anxiety. I hate talking in class, I hate talking to new people and it’s has gotten to the point where I have my friends talk to the cashier and order what i’d like for me. My mum just thinks I need more ‘life skills’ and forces me into situations and really uncomfortable in. I would love to be able to put without the worry of people judging me. Thank you for talking the time to read this

[Paxiled]

It does sound like you have an anxiety problem and it's getting worse.  Your mother actually has the right idea but the wrong way of putting it forward -- the more you face your fears the more likely you'll stop being afraid.  But the better way to do it, given how you're describing it, is to see a psychologist who specializes in anxiety treatment so you can get an understanding of what's going on and learn some techniques to help you relax so you have some tools in your tool kit to use when you confront your fears.  If you stop thinking anxious thoughts, this will go away, but you don't just say it and it happens, it takes some help and understanding of what's going on.  Talk to your mum about it, and if necessary, show her this forum to help her get that this isn't so easy.  As for the term social anxiety, it's used for convenience, but anxiety can attach to lots of things.  The problem is anxious thinking, and, as you already know so you're already ahead of the game here, the thinking isn't rational.  

[InsanityManity]

Thank you so much, I’m just nervous that my friends won’t look at me the same or the counsellor will say it’s nothing and I’m exaggerating. Unfortunately my mum and I don’t have the strongest relationship and I feel super awkward and uncomfortable opening up to anyone. I only really talk about serious stuff behind a screen so I’m anonymous. I’d want to be able to open up to someone but my brain just keeps telling me that it won’t go well and they will judge me and hate me. I don’t like it stopping me but as much as I try I cannot stop thinking that everything I do is judged. I’d hate to seem ungrateful as I’m so grateful you answered me. Do you know of any methods which I could talk to someone anonymously without feeling uncomfortable and nervous? Thank you so much.

[AnxiousNoMore]

"Unfortunately my school is very judgmental and if you don’t fit you get left out." that is true of most organizations and social groups, so I understand your concern. However your counselor is supposed to keep secrets, so no one should be able to find out that you are going. You could try a distress center help line, but you won't get the same person each time so that is not going to help all the time.

[Paxiled]

Any therapist you see is required to keep it confidential.  As for being judged, nobody judges people more than on the internet, yet here you are expressing yourself very well about what's going on and getting only positive feedback.  Most people are pretty nice one on one, it's when they get in groups and get that groupthink that they get weird.  The truth is, most people are so obsessed by their own drama that they really aren't judging other people they know all that much -- we tend to judge strangers more because we don't know them and so only know them by what they say or do, but your friends and family know you and probably aren't judging you.  You just think they are.  Would you judge them if they came to you with their problems?  Hiding and avoiding don't work, and you're way too young to go that route.  I'm an older guy and it's easy to just give up because most of my life is already lived, but when I was young I always thought there was a solution eventually if I could just find it.  That's the benefit of youth.  You have that.  If you start doing something about it, you're very likely to overcome it.  If you don't, you won't.  One thing to try:  stop saying can't.  You say you can't stop thinking this or that.  Yes, you can.  So far you haven't.  Peace.

[AnxiousNoMore]

It is not right that she forces you into uncomfortable situations. Since you are chatty with friends it may that your mother is correct that you need more life experiences in order to gain the confidence to deal with other people, however her method might cause your problem to get worse. Is there a counselor in your school that you can talk to?

[InsanityManity]

Thank you so much, I do have counsellors at my school but I don’t want to be labelled as that one girl who has issues. Unfortunately my school is very judgemental and if you don’t fit you get left out. I don’t want to friendless. I’ve only just settled into some new friendships. I want to get help but I’d love to remain anonymous while I get help. I really don’t want to seem ungrateful, as I am so grateful you took the time out of your day to help me. Thank you so much