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He doesn'tlike himself

It's about my friend. I think his situation has prolonged for years. He has a good job but it also brings to him lots of pressure and problems everyday. He also has IBs which according to him is caused by depression. He used to admit to me that he has anxiety so that whenever we talk abt smt serious, he can't look at me. The problem is he doesn't want any help from anyone. And, he told me that he doesn't like himself.
That might be unnclear and confusing, so if anyone wants to know more and wanna help, leave a comment. I really want to know what i can do to make him better.
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi!  I'm sorry for the person who is feeling tis way AND you.  It's hard!!  Are you in a relationship with them?  What is your connection?  Just a friend?  

So, yes.  Anxiety and depression can plague someone their entire life.  Sometimes it is center ring and sometimes it is in the background.  People who have it chronically live with that fluctuation but it is always there shadowing things in some way.  And sometimes it makes no sense for why someone feels that way.  Everything can actually be going great in their life, they can be very accomplished they are still sad and anxious inside.  I do think for most people that treatment helps.  For some, it won't.  But for most, there can be some 'relief'.  Therapy can help look for triggers and teach one how to cope better.  Medications can help as well.  Does your friend receive any type of therapy or treatment for this?
2 Comments
Thanks for your sharing. Yeah actually he is my ex. But we still have a good relationship after breakup. Before he never told me that he has anxiety. I’ve just known recently and I do wanna help him get better.
I also thought about therapy or treatment, but the problem is that he doesn’t want either. He told me that he feels embarrassed when seeking help with his problems.
So, now all I can do is letting him know that I always support him and be willing to listen to him. I also try to make him involved in outdoor activities and seeing his friends. But, I think it’s just temporary.
Maybe tell him about this forum.  If he looks on the archives, he'll see he's not alone out there, a lot of people have problems.  I do think it's harder when you're a guy, as I am -- we're supposed to be tough, which is a laugh, really -- and so men are much less likely than women to seek help for such problems.  But if he can't solve it himself, it's like any other problem that arises you can't fix -- you need help from someone who might be able to help.  But if he doesn't seek out help, you can't make him do it.  He does have to make the decision to get into therapy, and he also has to work to get better because it isn't easy.  Most depressed people have anxiety.  Actually, most people have anxiety -- life is pretty scary and we make it a lot more so in our artificial society.  Life was easier when the focus was on finding food and water.  Now we have to make up our lives.  We can make that stressful.  All the best for both of you.
973741 tn?1342346373
That's a really hard situation to know how to be supportive in.  At some point, people do have to take responsibility for their mental health and getting better.  He's probably lived with it for his whole life or as far back as he can remember. That darn anxiety/depression stigma!  Ugh.  Luckily, awareness seems to improve a bit as time goes on that mental health issues can happen to anyone.

Shame and self loathing is difficult to deal with.  It leads to lots of negative things including those that impact health as well as self esteem.  Many turn to self medicating with substance.  Has he gone that route at all?  

Whether he is clinically anxious or depressed, I don't know.  But you do describe an unhappy person in some regards, right?  And unfortunately that is something no one can fix but himself.  And he has to decide to do that.  
I think all you can do if you can whether the ups and downs with him and not have it drag you down too is to keep encouraging him to seek professional help.  Really, who is there to be embarrassed in front of?  The therapist?  Otherwise, who has to know you are going to therapy?  As adults, we can do these things on our own and don't have to reveal it to others.  

Anyway, hang in there and make sure you are always taking care of yourself.  You can be a supportive friend but still need to know your own limits for  someone else's problems that they don't do things to work on.  

Ya, maybe talking on this anonymous forum would be good for him?  He can make a user name unrelated to his own and maybe get some support too.  Good idea from paxiled.  Or just read the things people write to understand that SO many people suffer the same or similar things he does.  
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