Nobody can figure me out, I have been sick for months, does Botox help? I'm a mess!

[WonderrrWomannn]

It started in 1993 with oral contraceptives- my first "diagnosis"- depression as a teen. The pills made me crazy. I stopped them. Next was Norplant- "Major depression" "Hemiplegic Migraine HA" hoslitalized- that was the beginning of yeaaars of suffering. I've tried elavil, verapamil, back to elavil, and eventually Topirimate- since I was put on lamictal in 2011 after a bad mix of Effexor (which I was put on after anxiety/depression from work caused IBS, and bought a nice 6 week break in outpatient treatmemt) and Epidural Steroid Injections. APPARENTLY- Corticosteroids, and antidepressants can cause mania in some people "mood disorder" and now there is a black box warning about suicidality...2011. Oh yes. Then there is PTSD, a year dabble in club substance * i was out of work after my attempt YOLO 2012 (no judgement please...honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness here). I didn't get it then... just let the Drs diagnose and push the pills up and up. (ADHD, Panic DO, OCD...D,D,D,D..you name it...i got it)
In 2014 when I got pregnant:
Xanax XR 2mg am and bedtime
Ativan 1 mg every 8 hours
Ambien 10 mg
Topamax 100mg am and pm (stopped for baby)
Vyvanse 70mg am
Adderall 30mg after work (online for Master's degree! 3.86 GPA)
And the worst enemy- ABILIFY 10mg daily- zombie- dead eyes...no tears, no emotions...

So...would you believe after my deporession-self admit to inpatient, all they did was ADD zoloft 50mg? And reduce Xanax XR to once a day?

My psych dropped me, the 3rd one I went to.accepted me at 26 weeks.

Didn't change anything. I DID!
Stopped the ADHD meds, and Ambien, they didn't want to " shock my system and stress my baby"

Thankfully,  he's smarter than any 3 yo (not even 2 yet!) Perfect, no problems at birth

As for me- nobody suggested therapy, they ADDED more antidepressants for PPD...led to another attempt.

NOW it all makes sense.
I got off of xanax, ativan,and wellbutrin immediately. Put on FIFTEEN MG OF ABILIFY. Oh emm gee.
Increased zoloft- not good either
Switched to 1mg klonipin
Put on lamictal up to 150 * (because ZOLOFT MADE ME LOSE MY MIND) counteracted by bcp
I also took BCP
And topamax again (also for HA/mood)

since finding myself in therapy weekly. I've stopped almost everything, tried non-benzo type meds (had hives, HA...sadly)

Current-
Klonipin 2mg just increases back up bc of NVD

Lamictal 25 am pm (stopped BCP bc no more babies- side effects, too much lamictal made me depressed) wanted to quit it completely

Topamax 100am 200pm (Chronic HA since Nov 12th. Tests are good)

Vyvanse only 30mg daily- no more shaky hands!



Anyway...here I am. Weekly therapy for 16 months. Emotions anonymous weekly for 4 months.
Understanding SO much, how holding in anger can cause illness, etc.
So I don't keep anything to myself now. I'm actually dropping negative ppl from my life, repairing relationships, being honest about everything I feel! And sober from drinking 8 months.  
But! Worries- I'm stuck in a position where I cannot return to work until cleared. All Dr appointments and meds need reported weekly. Daily check ins, random drug screens. Bankruptcy,  unable to contribute financially.
Labs were ok, CTA ok,
I think the stress of not getting back to work is causing this.  And meds won't help.

I got dropped by Pain and Neuro due to an Oral surgeon damaging my cranial nerve in Sept. A week before a major back injury (so that took front row)
NOW..i find that I have allergies to at least 23 environmental factors. Shots starting Jan. And copays begin again...ugh

Maybe I'm venting. Maybe I want someone to say I'll be ok, or you've been here.

But I'm honestly wondering if...maybe increasing lamictal back to 100 daily might help?
It treats trigemimal neuralgia, does it help irritability and excessive talking? I'm annoying people! And...feeling sad for the first time. I just fear ot CAUSING depression, since I can't take actual antidepressants. And these headaches...anyone have nausea and diarrhea with HA?
Is it the anxiety?

HHHEEELLP

I honestly will speak to my psychiatrist about the Lamictal. I guess I need a little support. My fam is anti-medication. And it's been tough. It's only been 2 weeks at this dose.

But actually the tummy issues started on thanksgiving.

Another story for a different day

Thanks to anyone for input!
(Holistic Pain doc! Those percocets make me Cray too! Haha)

[Paxiled]

You've been through way too much.  I can identify -- my life was ruined by stopping a medication with a quack psychiatrist.  But here's my take on your situation -- your original problem, if your description here is correct, was a hormonal imbalance caused by taking birth control.  This is common -- some people have a rough time with them.  The solution is to get your hormones back in balance, which in my own inexpert opinion is best done by natural medicine, not regular docs.  Instead, the docs took the easy route and put you on strong drugs that affect your brain transmitters when you were too young to handle them, assuming you could have handled them as an adult -- some people, again, just can't.  Those drugs, intended for people with chronic mental illness that doesn't respond to therapy or lifestyle changes, don't do a thing about hormonal imbalances, so I'm assuming you might still have them.  The second thing it looks like, and this is just from your description, you've been taken off meds or stopped them yourself abruptly without a slow taper that suited you.  You could be suffering from multiple withdrawals and your brain never got the chance to have the time to adapt back to working without them.  Now, I can't know if this happened -- I wasn't there and never will be there -- but it's food for thought you can discuss with your health professionals.  Being on a lot of drugs brings on a lot of side effects occurring at the same time.  Sometimes, multiple meds work much better than just one, but they do come with costs.  Given how complicated your history has been, no way to know now.  But again, something to discuss as you move forward.  As for your family, there's no point being anti-drug or pro-drug.  They're just there.  Sometimes they're the only thing that helps and sometimes they're the problem.  They need to be looked at like anything else in life -- analyzed with logic, not bias.  So all I can do is give you food for thought and both sympathy and empathy -- it really bites when your doctors make your life worse, and I'm there too.  I think LightSeeker has also given you good food for thought.  Good luck.

[TheLightSeeker]

Gee WonderrrWomannn, you sure sound like a... messs.
Yeah, you do show strongly that you need a sympathetic ear, an online shoulder to get some comfort at least.
Don't blame your family for being anti-med- if I were not
anti-med myself, it wouldn't take me much to get convinced, if were related to you.
No offence but you could be a guinea pig for a pharmaceutical company with all the meds you have been prescribed.
Anyway, haven't said that, I think you truly need a more balanced approach, involving a comprehensive treatment plan.
This should include neurotransmitter testing, group and private therapy, targeted supplementation, exercise, yoga, meditation, walks in the park, optimizing your diet,
breathing exercises, financial counselling, EFT, mind-body connection, hypnotherapy, re-evaluation of all your meds...
(not this 5 min. bang-bang psychiatrist visit, who may not even ...look at you while writing another script, ok?)
Hard to do it alone without some support, as you mentioned.
You can sure use some help to turn your life around
and I think a good start is with your family.
Even if you need to beg, spill your guts, whatever, please ask them to help you financially to get treated by a reputable Holistic psychiatrist.
Someone like Dr. Kelly Brodan would be nice!
She's like a "Lifestyle Medicine" Doctor and the author of "A Mind of Your Own" which BTW is a great read!
I can't see you getting off  the medical "hamster
wheel" you're on anytime soon, unless you make
the drastic decision to get some "real" help.
You've scratched the surface a bit it seems, but you need to dig much deeper!
God Bless!
Niko