Health Anxiety

[Stressed1970]

I am living in fear of having a disease that I have been told I had little to no risk for, and have tested negative for. I don't know how to let go of the fear. I can't stop googling or worrying.

I posted in the hiv and std forum and I’m finding this really hard to move on: it’s not guilt. I was told low risk of hiv and after finishing pep testing negative on a 4th generation duo. I’m struggling with going back to get another test.
I was told 2 4th gen test would be conclusive.

I’m hypersensitive with my body right now and google is not helping.

Have any of you had semen on a cut or wound? How did you get over this ?

[Paxiled]

Seriously, since this isn't a big risk for HIV, nobody has to get over this in any rational sense.  Which you've been told in the HIV forum.  The problem with Googling symptoms is that you will almost always find something that confirms the worst.  With HIV there's the theoretical risk, which exists, and the real risk, which is that the theoretical risk has never resulted in anyone getting HIV.  Real world vs. scientific possibility.  Scientists don't talk like the folks over on the HIV forum.  They talk in terms of science, which is the search for truth, not truth itself.  Sometimes they find it and sometimes they don't.  So for your own sense of security, you have to learn the difference between theoretical risk and actual risk.  That's a place to start so you can lessen the worry.  So the only people who would be concerned over the behavior you engaged in would be people who have an irrational fear of getting HIV, which is a phobia a whole lot of people have and you can see it on the HIV site where almost nobody who posts there has a real chance of having gotten HIV.  The way you get over it is to understand it, and in your case, you've already seen doctors and you know you don't have it.  It sounds like your docs dealt with your real problem, anxiety over HIV, by giving you some serious medicine you probably didn't need, which is a thing docs do -- they give our medication like candy and it's a problem.  But you did it and so that's over now.  My question would be, is it just HIV you're phobic about, or are there many things you get very anxious about?  In other words, are you a generally anxious person or is it just HIV you're concerned about?  And if you are concerned about HIV that much, take precautions.  Always use protection if there is going to be penetration, which your case there wasn't but you did come close and sometimes in the heat of the moment we let down our guard so to prevent that always always use protection and make sure your partner does as well.  That's one way to deal with it -- don't engage in risky behavior.  As for anxiety, when we let something fester in us and worry over it for too long it can become a chronic anxiety problem.  When that happens, the best thing is to see a therapist and figure out why you're anxious and how to overcome it.  If it's just this one event and nothing else in your life, time will take care of it -- eventually it will just be a moment in your history.  The question therefore on this forum isn't, has anyone had semen on a cut, because in most cases that's in the open air and not a problem so most people wouldn't be affected by it and those who would be are anxious and the problem is anxiety.  So focus on the anxiety part, that's the only health problem you appear to have.

[CurfewX]

Stop Googling immediately.  If you can't do that, professional therapy is in order.  

You didn't get HIV from this event.

[Stressed1970]

Omg I can’t stop stressing I was ok for a few weeks and these last few days have been terrible. I tested negative again at 51 days.

What I think messed me up was my first rapid test was “inconclusive “ faint lines. Which i followed up 4th gen. Ughhhhhhhh

[Paxiled]

The events in our lives are always going to include some that are more frightening than others.  In your case, you fear isn't really rational.  But stress doesn't really come from the events in our lives, it comes from how we think about them.  You can take six people and confront them with the exact same experience and you will get 6 different reactions to it, so stress comes from within most of the time unless you're facing something genuinely and immediately stressful, which you rationally aren't.  When you find yourself not able to deal with things, that's an anxiety problem, as it does nothing to help solve the problem, it just gives you two problems.  The way to try to fix it is to either work on it yourself or see a therapist who can help you fix it.

[Stressed1970]

You are absolutely right. Im too focused on the hypothetical risk and BC there isn’t any clear information out there and too much information. I’m starting to obsess and stress. I’m so overwhelmed and scared