So, I do this myself. Do you feel this relates to anxiety? One time I was doing dishes and was humming when my husband said in a very loving way "my mom used to do that". GASP. Fond memory for him but not exactly the person I want to be associated with. LOL Anyway, do you tend to do it when you are bored or anxious?
Oh, I am so very VERY sorry to hear about a sudden death of your daughter. That has to be devastating. Mom to mom, few things would be more traumatic for me if anything. That's about the worst it can get. And I'm sure you are in shock. When did this happen? And ya, driving with a new, young driver . . . grandson or otherwise is nerve racking. My son will be driving in a year or so and I'll be probably gripping the side arm and holding my breath while trying not to show him so he can remain confident. I remember my driving instructor who didn't have a break on his side of the car but kept slamming his right foot on the ground like he was slamming on the breaks! LOL That experience will get anyone going with anxiety!
Anyway, yes. You could be coping and developing some sensory habits to try to get through things. In a way, they may be helping, you know? If they harm no one, you may want to let it go or now. but if it really bothers you, switching to something else may be beneficial or work. Things like doing something orally to soothe like chewing gum is soothing. Deep breathing. Visualization. Meditation. These strategies can help distract us and soothe us well during the moments of emotional uncertainty or difficulty?
Ah, sweetie. How awful. No wonder you are having great anxiety and depression. These events most assuredly would be triggers for depression. Grief is horrible. I have had great grief myself and it is deep, deep pain like nothing else (at least for me). I can't imagine a daughter who chose suicide and how that would cut to the core. My heart goes out to you. And your grandson found her? Tragic. I know that I once went to a counselor specifically that dealt with grief. That was their specialty. I don't know how many there are out there that have this niche but I'm sure there are many that can really apply their training and experience to the area of grief. the support group you are attending is excellent! Is it for those who have had a family member who took their own life? Medication is such that it often is best to start it slowly, like a low dose that is slowly or gradually increased. If things get too bad, this is still an option for you. There are lots of choices. I hope that you occasionally get to go outside or to a gym or someplace where you can get some fresh air and exercise. Exercise, even just walking, helps with mood.
You certainly have been through a lot. How are you sleeping?
I really feel for you. That's so hard. I know suicide is so painful because of how we feel after but also because of the idea of knowing how much pain our loved one was in to make that choice. As a mother, that has to be just the worst. I'm sure her husband feels horrible. Losing your sweet girl and best friend, ya. You are going to have different things and right now, I'd call them 'quirks'. Talking to yourself. When I lost my mom tragically, I talked but it was to Jesus. Full conversations. And I talked to my mom. I lived along at the time and had these discussions out loud. Maybe it was 'weird' but I was in pain and trying to get through it. I still might have some conversation to myself but not as much as then. We started a thread on another forum I am on about grief and the holidays. Here's the link: https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Getting-through-the-Holidays-after-a-Major-Loss-tips/show/3038536 Please
join us. I'd like for us and the members here to be able to support you and be there for you. hugs
Hi there, I'm SO glad I could help make you feel better. :>) Come on over to Relationships forum and join us. I'd love to have you spend more time here to get some support and friendship. :>))