Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I can't eat with my girlfriend

I've been going out with this girl who I am in love with for four months now.  Everything is great except for one thing.  When ever we go out to eat, I can't eat with her.  I can be very hungry, yet the second I see food or have to try to eat it, i feel as if there is something blocking it from going down, and if I try to force it down I will throw up.  I feel fine before and after eating, it's just eating with her that's a problem.  This has happened every time we go out to eat together and I don't know what's going on.  This is the first girl I've really had true feelings for and I'm thinking that may have something to do with it.  This has never happened in my life before except for with her.  I have a very good health record in the past, nothing that would lead to this, and when I'm not with her I can eat normally.  I see her every day around campus and I have tried eating light with her, but even things such as ice cream made me feel like I was going to throw up.  Luckily I haven't thrown up with her yet, but I have gotten to the point where I have had to swallow the throw up back down and it's only a matter of time until I do fully throw up in front of her if this continues.  

Can anyone give me some help on this?  I would rather try to fix it than avoid it because sooner of later, I am going to have to eat with the one I love.  Can anyone determine what I'm going through?  Any thoughts are appreciated!  Thank you!
35 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I am dealing with the same exact thing. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months and I can’t eat around him. I’ve ate around him only a few times like maybe two or three times and it was mostly like small snacks not like an actual meal, I only ate like one actual meal with him and it was extremely hard, I was super nervous and anxious while eating it and I kept feeling nauseous but I didn’t throw up thankfully. One time I just tried to eat a simple grilled cheese in front of him and I puked.... which was really embarassing.... but I always get like this when I am going to see him and I don’t know why. Like the day I go to see him I just feel sooo sick and like I can’t eat at all or else I will puke and my stomach hurts really bad and my throat closes up so it is hard to swallow my food. So trust me, I know what you are going through and I really wish I could tell you why this is happening. I am trying to figure that out myself. I hate it. I just want to be able to eat in front of my boyfriend without worrying about anything or feeling sick. I thought about seeing a doctor about this but it’s embarassing and I hate going to the doctors. I just don’t know what to do or how to make all of this go away. I get extremely nervous around him but not in a bad way, it is like a continuous butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling and I love it, I just hate the whole thing with not being able to eat in front of him. I don’t know why I am like this but I wish I did.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I think you answered your own question -- you're very nervous around him.  Some people get stomach problems when they're nervous.  Is this your first boyfriend?  How old are you?  Do other situations make you this nervous?  
Avatar universal
Im 17 and for the first relationship I was ever in last year Im the same kind of. When Im with any boyfriend iv ever had I get very nervous and just lose any feeling of hunger I might have had before I met them I remember my first boyfriend I was fine with eating for the first few weeks of going out and out of no where I started getting very sick trying to look at food. My throat closes up and my stomach turns and twists all day maybe for 24hrs til I calm down again and I cant look at food I feel sick for the day but at the same time as long as I dont try eating im better but still nervous and shaking, I will get sick if I try push it down. Im at a loss trying to find out why Im so nervous with people Im official with even though iv never been a nervous person with anyone I meet and if anything Im really outgoing and fun with everyone else in life up until you get the stage of dating them. Does anyone know any resolutions because I hate this as iv just started a new relationship again as I pushed the last boyfriend away because the nerves got too much just before a year of dating him so Im pushing myself into a relationship again to try resolve this problem and I can feel the nerves hitting again but Iv only met him 2 times and the second was on a night out with 2/3 drinks on me meeting him and that was the only way my nervous werent bad..I dont feel good enough for the person Im with either and never had so I think that might be a reason but at the same time they have always reassured me thats not the case so I dont get why I cant relax around anyone Im dating anyone know how I can fix this problem sooner than later because I havent talked to anyone about this yet and I just want to feel normal with the person. I'm also under a severe amount of stress in my home life for the last 8 years in home life so that could be causing it I don't know! Thanks
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
This is an old post, you might want to start a new one to get more responses.  Everyone is nervous when they start dating, and pretty much it stays that way for most of us until we die.  Nobody likes rejection, and dating puts that possibility out there.  There does seem to be some desperation in your thinking about it, though, it doesn't sound like just the natural process of trying to meet someone you like.  So you sound forced with it and pressured by it in a different way than just the nerves of meeting someone new.  It sounds like some insecurity deep inside you.  It might be time to find someone to talk this out with.
Thank you I do think I could be suffering with bad insecurities and I don't want to be with anyone but at the same time I do! I did love the last boyfriend I had but I pushed him away because I felt like I wasn't good enough and nerves took over. I will struggle with this new relationship but I think I need to go talk to a professional about this.
Avatar universal
This is a tough situation. I went through this with my last girlfriend and we weren't together long enough to know if I would get over it but I've been with my current girlfriend over a year now and I can tell you this; it does go away. I've had it for almost the whole time we've been together except the last 3 weeks. During these last 3 weeks, I feel like I fell in love with her all over again and things are going great. I talked to her about it and she was nothing but supportive with me. There were times I could tell she was getting annoyed but she never said anything or harped on it. If you have a significant other that is willing to be patient with you and work with you, don't let them go because once it's gone, you'll fall in love with them so hard and its a great feeling! The road is long and rough but it's all worth it in the end, trust me. It may help to talk to a doctor too, I did and have been on a 25mg prescription of Zoloft and could possibly have that to thank as well. Also, trust in God. My faith has never been stronger going through this and never doubt his plan. Pray every day and thank him for what he has blessed you with.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is comforting to read that I am not the only person who has this problem I dated my ex girlfriend for 4 years and couldn't eat in front of her for about 2 years it was a nightmare especially at Christmas time when there was mountains of food! I did tell her the problem which seemed to help a bit as there was no pressure on me to make out I was hungry so I could take my time and eat what I could, the relationship didn't work out for other reasons and where I was single I had a great diet and no eating problems with friends or family but I have now started seeing another girl who is amazing this problem has came straight back! I've only been seeing her a few weeks but it's getting to the stage where I can't avoid having meals with her, I think I'm going to have to just tell her about how I feel eating around her and hope that she understands and I will hopefully get over the problem again, but for those experiencing this for a first time I hope you can take a bit of compfort knowing that it is possible to overcome it, I've done it before and I'll do it again! :)
Helpful - 0
7520541 tn?1391564657
Oh my gosh! I'm so happy to know that there's more of me out there! The only difference between us is this... I can't eat in front of my best friend of 6 years. And I'm a girl. She's a girl.  This only started a year ago! My throat closes up and I can't breathe, my hands start shaking and I get really, really, insanely cold. I'm fine eating anywhere else, with anyone else, but not with her... I don't know what this is. I don't have any other anxieties, and I'm perfectly healthy. My body is fit too, because I'm on my school's Drill Team, the Crimson Cadets. Has this problem ever happened to a 13 year old? Do any of you guys know? My heart is palpating as I type, just thinking about her. Oh yah!! I forgot to mention that I can't even talk around her either. Everything just goes blank! I'm desperate here! What do I do?!?!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think I may have found a solution that works , I was only able  to eat with my girlfriend when we weren't actually together more like 'friends'  I was able to go over to hers and sit down with her family and go out for dinner and stuff not a problem , but as soon as we got the title of being officially together it started , but what I found is that I am super comforatable eating around my family , I have invited her over alot to eat with my family and I find It not a problem at all , and it is slowely becoming more and more easier to eat around her family and when we go out , it's more of a mental battle like having a fear or the fear of eating when I'm with her , and eventually talking myself into the feelings of nausea to the point where my heart beats really fast and the smell of food makes me want to puke , I also figured out that when your heart rate increases slow down your breathing ( in through the nose out through the mouth ) start of with small amounts of food on your fork then gradually increase while slowing down your breathing every now and again , take tiny sips of water aswell which will wash down the feeling of that "Blockage" in your throat , at first when you start dating someone you will feel a bit nervous and that will bring on these feelings when eating but just remember THR they will also be feeling just as nervous just not in the way you do , it's more of a fear of being the centre of attention the main focus like for example when eating with your gf/bf and your family , they will be the centre of attention and you will be able to eat , the moment you are out with them all the attention is on you and you would probably be feeling nervous enough about the date , same with eating with their family the more closer and comfortable you get with there parents and stuff the easier it will become , maybe have a dinner with your parents and their parents with you and your bf/gf aswell which will probably break that barrier

I hope this helped guys ! Remember it's a metal battle not an illness use my technics and goodluck !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
One day I literaly vomited in the street. That was the worst moment of my life. I always have a panic attack when we meet, it's unbelievable. Recently, I felt so pushed and tired I spent a week without eating well, I was dying, starving, I went to the doctor he told me I was so anxious and it does cause all the creepy situations I am having. I am doing a therapy since 2 years now, but it hasnt worked that well. It helps, but, I am vomiting still when I go out with someone I like Basically, I don't go out with lots of guys, but the 2  only guys I liked and I had a close physical contact with, they saw me at my worst. In one moment we are kissing or holding hands, and the next moment it's me throwing up the minimum quantity of food I had eaten.

It's horrible, it had made my life HELL. I am so tired of this problem, it ruined my social life and the way i feel about myself. It's a circule of guilt, starvation, love, hate, and depression.

I hope one day I can get a healthy relationship / date and enjoying it. Like truly, deeply. I am 25 years old, and never enjoyed a date.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

I am extremely happy to find this ! I have been suffering for too long, and I was questioning my life, the way I am and everything else !

It all started 5 years ago, when I finally went for a walk for the very first time in my life with someone I liked. I had a miserable love life and I felt rejected all the time. So that day, while we were having a nice chat I felt I was like gonna throw up. I went back home, and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day, and during the next day too.

Since then, I hadn't had an intimate moment with anyone else, so basically I forgot about the problem. But when I started "dating", the thing came out again. The first day we went for a drink, I was very cool and nothing happened. The 2nd time we met, I was about to vomit, everytime he tried to kiss me I was like, stop, I dont feel good. And after that, it became my ugly routine. Every time we go out, I end up throwing up. We broke up, and then went back together, but same thing...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

I am extremely happy to find this ! I have been suffering for too long, and I was questioning my life, the way I am and everything else !

It all started 5 years ago, when I finally went for a walk for the very first time in my life with someone I liked. I had a miserable love life and I felt rejected all the time. So that day, while we were having a nice chat I felt I was like gonna throw up. I went back home, and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day, and during the next day too.

Since then, I hadn't had an intimate moment with anyone else, so basically I forgot about the problem. But when I started "dating", the thing came out again. The first day we went for a drink, I was very cool and nothing happened. The 2nd time we met, I was about to vomit, everytime he tried to kiss me I was like, stop, I dont feel good. And after that, it became my ugly routine. Every time we go out, I end up throwing up. We broke up, and then went back together, but same thing...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thank god i found a family here ,,,i am soo happy that there are great lovers here sitting with same problem ,  . ... according to my experience it gets better the more u hang out with ur girl.  Face ur fear ,  it worked for me never mind vomiting, after u vomit just drink some juice and then start eating again ,if u vomit again then do the same ..... to get rid of the fear first try to have liquid foods just like coke and other soft drinks. never try anything thick like "krushers" in front of her. Then increase ur level .....this really works
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Um okay I'm a girl and have this too... Although I started off with it without being in a relationship and I just couldn't eat out unless it was with my family and now that I am dating I get it along with feeling hot and nauteous and the scary thing is our first date I actually did throw up and we weren't even eating:(( I'm guessing it's from stress and idk maybe I have something but I wish it could go away because it's making me a different person:((
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i have the same problem .. im madly in love with my girl but this is ruining our relationship , she thinks im perfetic , the doctors cant find no problems yet it makes me sick eating in front of her :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i have the same problem .. im madly in love with my girl but this is ruining our relationship , she thinks im perfetic , the doctors cant find no problems yet it makes me sick eating in front of her :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
wow, yeah thats exactly what I have.  Still no cure yet tho :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i have this exact same problem.  i've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and i can't eat out with him.  my stomach gets super nauseas and i can't eat. if i take really really small bites it can sometimes go down but my stomach is so resistant that i just usually eat nothing.  i went camping with his family and we ate out twice and i hardly ate anything, his parents probably think i'm anorexic or something. but my boyf said his mom loves me, which is reassuring but i still can't eat in front of all of them!  it's not like i have a problem talking with his family, if we just sat down to have a conversation it'd be totally fine but once food is in the equation that's when i freak out and that's what i don't get!

when i was 10 i ate too much in a restaurant and threw up on the floor on my way outside to get fresh air. this is the last time i threw up!  i'm so scared to throw up now.  i always think i will throw up when i'm eating with them/him but i never do. i'll gag but tha'ts it.

i had this same problem with my last boyfriend.  it started with me having dinner with his family at their house. his dad made soup and i ate all of it and then his dad brought out ribs and once i saw them and smelled the rich bbq sauce aroma i ran out of the room cause i started to gag. ever since that incident i have had this problem.  my family and my last boyfriend's family are still good friends so we've had dinner with them, and now that i'm not going out with this guy anymore i'm TOTALLY fine eating with them! what the hell!

i saw a cb therapist for about 6 months and she really didn't help. she kept wanting me to challenge myself and i was really resistant so that probably didn't help the process along.. i tried ativan once (during the dinner with my current boyf) to calm me and it helped my stomach but i still hardly ate anything.  the best cure i've found is weed.  it helps in every situation.  but i get really goofy when i'm high so i can't smoke when i eat out w my boyf's fam.. ah.

i don't know how i'll ever go on a normal dinner date. i want this to go away. my boyfriend's birthday is this week and i don't want to go cause i know this will happen to me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't worry I have the same problem as well. I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and I still throw up every single time I eat around him. Even if i eat shortly before I see him I still throw up. I haven't found a solution yet but if I find one I'll let you know.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think this is finally getting better!  I have eatin with her twice now in the past three weeks and it's been normal.  Although, I had a salad and some pasta (pretty easy foods to eat), but it's a start.  I took two Tums right before it and I don't know if that helped, but I'm gonna keep doing it for a while!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
this might sound really weird but I learned this tool from my therapist a few weeks ago and it really works. what is funny about anxiety and panic is positive thinking will not help the situation. negative thinking willl.
the next time you feel anxious/anxiety/ or panic coming on. get a notebook and write over and over again whatever your absolute worst thoughts or fears are. i.e. like 'i am having a heart attack and going to die' 'i have lost my mind and have gone crazy and i will never be able to eat again' etc...
keep writing it over and over again. and the anxiety will go away.
its really crazy how this works. you are basically accepting what is happening to you... once you accept it. you wont fear it anymore. and the only thing that keeps anxiety going is fearing it.. or running from it. once you accept it. it goes away.
goodluck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
babsbunny,

dont waste your money on any other doctors or tests cuz you dont have stomach issues i promise. its alll symptoms of anxiety. whenever i get anxiety i have feel super nauscious and I have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. It is completely normal. Once you over come your anxiety your stomach will go back to normal. just dont run from it. you will get better.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I totally understand. We have panic disorder. which is basically fear of fear. you have created triggers for yourself so you think you will have  panic attacks if you go out in public or certain places and even the thought of it makes you nausious. i have the same thing. I get reallly bad anxiety in the morning and at night. I have been going to CBT therapy for the past month and even though its really tough i think it is helping. it is all about facing your fears and putting yourself in situations you dont want to be in to overcome them and eventually the anxiety will go away. but if you keep running from it. it will keep getting worse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow.  I'll join the club bc this has been happening to me FOREVER.  I didn't really put it together until about last summer when it got REAL bad.  I was dating someone and I just could NOT eat with him.  He ended up breaking up with me... which was probably the worst thing he could've done... bc now it's given me even MORE of a complex about it.  Mine is a lovely combo of indigestion, diarreha, and vomitting.  I am now at the point where I just have to be overwhelmed and it happens... I don't even have to be out with them.
I went to my doctor... she did a physical and an ultrasound... and it all came out fine.  I opted for no endoscopy or colonoscopy... as once we broke up, the symptoms miraculously disappeared.  However, now I fear they are back, as I'm dating someone new... and so I went back and was forthright with how I felt it was anxiety-driven.   She gave me a very small prescrip of xanax which seemed to help initially... although, last week, I went to dinner and out of the blue, we finished the meal and were settling the check and i had an overwhelming sense of nausea.  I just about made it home in time before all hell broke loose. I am at my wits end... I'm about 5'2... about 110lbs... I run about 15 miles a week and go to a trainer... so I do have outlets for stress... and yet, nothing seems to work.  I have pepsid AC, which sometimes works... but not always.  I wish I could get to the bottom of it.. as I don't want to lose another guy to my stupid stomach issues.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi i understand how u al lare feeling but i have been with my BF for 5 years and i have never once eaten with him. obviously it drives him mental cus we never go out anywhere to eat and i never eat with him. even when i go out to restaurants i cant eat i will starve than eat... im nto marrying this guy and im like how the hell am i going to be able t eat with him. i have told him i cant eat with him but he just thinks im silly and not to worry ..its nto just him its even with close friends and in restaurants i cant eat.. the onl ypeople i can ea twith is my mum dad and brothers....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
WOW, honestly..I have the same exact thing !! :)..it actually gets a little bit easier to breathe right now knowing that all of these people on here have that same panicy feeling ESP. out in public. As soon as I even walk into a public place (ANYWHERE) I get choked up, breathing gets heavy & I also produce alot of saliva so swallowing gets even harder to do & that interferes with my breathing cause I feel like I'm choking!!! AHHHH! I hate it so much. Let alone sit & eat out with my BF of 4 years?! FORGET ABOUT IT! as soon as I sit with food in front of me I get all jittery and then can't breathe & lightheaded. The next thing I know I'm in the public bathroom kneeling down concentrating on breathing mechanisms...Or..outside. This also happens to me every day at home usually at noon or so and then before bed. I don't feel like the same person I was a year ago before this all began! :( The only thing that allows me to go out in public is drinking and feeling a nice strong buzz...which I try to avoid since my grandma was an alchoholic..so I find myself at home all the time...I cannot sit still even at home.  My heart is palpitating as of now...I dont know what to do anymore...I feel at times I need more sugar to make this constant light headedness feeling go away, which ultimately leads to numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. My boyfriend thinks Im insane & doesn't understand at all..says its all in my head. But its not, I feel it all too much to be in my head.
Anyone know my symptoms ?! grrr...
Marnee
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This used to happen to me.  One time it got so bad I had to break up with a guy I really really liked.  I used to lose my appetite everytime I got a boyfriend until I was about 16 and I met an easy going guy who was my friend first.  

It also helps when other people are not involved in your relationship.  When other people would get in our business it would stress me out.

You can try a homeopathic remedy like Calms before you go out to dinner and see if this helps at all.
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Anxiety Community

Top Anxiety Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
370181 tn?1595629445
Arlington, WA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?