Aa
I don't think I exist
Hi I am a teen, and I have been diagnosed with OCD for not too long, probably almost a year, around 9 months. I also have some symptoms of anxiety and adhd but I thought this was more of an anxiety issue so I posted my problem here. My problem is sometimes I dont feel like I exist. I dont get a weird physical feeling or anything just mental. If a weird coincidence happens, like someone talking about a band I was just listening to, I will think that they are watching me and what im listening to. Another example is one day a few weeks ago I was listening to a song and it had about 30 million views so it was a moderately popular song but it was really emo, so it still wasnt that mainstream. But the next day my friend literally says to me a line off of the song. Now the song wasnt exactly unknown to people but it was definitely not mainstream pop which is what most kids would listen to my age. So after that for a few minutes I was just confused and dumbfounded. But after a while I started to think, "what if they are watching my every move and messing with ny head to torture me?" "What if my life is just a simulation or dream and this is the reality speaking to me?" It even got as crazy as "What if they are actually my twin sibling and they share my thoughts and just said it on accident for no reason?" This isn't the first time it happened though and it was the same person. It has happened many other times with other people too. There is a beep in my house every hour that goes by and I was thinking "what if i am being operated on and living in a fake reality and the person operating on me left their watch near me and I was hearing it in my fake reality?" Before learning it was just my brothers watch. It really makes living harder when I spend a lot of time thinking about how I don't exist. Sometimes I think I should just kill myself to escape from this fake reality but dont worry because I dont think i would go through with it at this point. But seriously I need some help can someone else reply if they have felt the same way too? I am really struggling and I don't feel like i can tell ny friends or family. Please tell my what I should do or if you have felt the same. I feel ashamed just writing this..
First, let me say that I L-O-V-E your user name. I live with a couple huge DC Comics fans myself and they'll take to task anyone who fights about the Marvel characters being better. (they, and I'm sure you do as well, love Marvel too . . .but if they had to pick . . .). Anyway, so you have a diagnosis of OCD. How did you get that? What was happening that drove you to the doctor at that time? This has been an ongoing issue? And what do you do for it now? I have a son very much like you. All the way down to the perfectionism. Wow, that's a rough life trying to get things just perfect. For him, it includes himself and since no one is perfect, he's often mad at himself! Hope that isn't the case with you. We all are works in progress and have our whole lives to improve!!
Your question if this is normal for someone with OCD and Anxiety? Well, it's definitely common (when the OCD is unmanaged/anxiety unmanaged). I'd work with your therapist or go back to one if you are having difficulty managing. Thought patterns can be retrained.
When you wrote about the watch left by you and hearing it ticking in your fake reality . . . were you just hearing it tick? Are you sensitive to sound at times? My son has sensory integration disorder as well and auditory processing is part of this. For him, a sound that others tune out, he can't. He hears it at what feels like the same volume as everything else. Tick tick tick is loud and can drive him nuts. Same with something he feels like a seam on a sock. Most of us can tune that out and ignore it and forget about it. Not him. He can think of nothing else. Focusing on what he is supposed to focus on at those times is nearly impossible.
Do you have any go to activities that help when you are feeling anxious or obsessing? And OCD can just be thoughts but do you have any compulsions?
Your question if this is normal for someone with OCD and Anxiety? Well, it's definitely common (when the OCD is unmanaged/anxiety unmanaged). I'd work with your therapist or go back to one if you are having difficulty managing. Thought patterns can be retrained.
When you wrote about the watch left by you and hearing it ticking in your fake reality . . . were you just hearing it tick? Are you sensitive to sound at times? My son has sensory integration disorder as well and auditory processing is part of this. For him, a sound that others tune out, he can't. He hears it at what feels like the same volume as everything else. Tick tick tick is loud and can drive him nuts. Same with something he feels like a seam on a sock. Most of us can tune that out and ignore it and forget about it. Not him. He can think of nothing else. Focusing on what he is supposed to focus on at those times is nearly impossible.
Do you have any go to activities that help when you are feeling anxious or obsessing? And OCD can just be thoughts but do you have any compulsions?
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Thanks for responding, I was having a lot of trouble with OCD for a while with the perfectionism, so my parents took me to a therapist. It can be really troubling at times but now that I'm getting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy it has gotten a lot better. Also I have
Been having a much easier time dealing with the anxiety. Also the watch was me stressing about not knowing where it was coming from so my brain comes up with these ridiculous explanations. The anxiety usually happens when I dont have answers to big questions, am stressing, or talking to people. I have been having an easier time with the anxiety now, though with meditation and thought patterns to change how I think, so I'm probably fine now. Thanks
If it's any comfort to you, this is how thinking people think, especially creative people. Anxious people get anxious over thoughts others don't. I'm also wondering about that OCD diagnosis. What is about you that makes you OCD? And what are you doing about it, for example, if you really do suffer anxiety and really do have OCD, are you in therapy to learn how not to think that way? These are more important than the fact you have interesting thoughts and that you're curious about reality -- who isn't?
Well, Marvel characters are better. And they ask exactly the kind of questions the person posting is asking, which is why they're better. I know this isn't on the serious side of this, but get this, my brother cleaned out my old room when my Dad sold our old house and he threw out my copy of Spiderman 1 -- along with everything else I left when I moved out at 17. Spiderman 1, folks. Phooey.
4 Comments
Oh, I need to set you up with my son who can make quite the argument why DC is better. He is quite passionate and loyal to DC.
But I'm not sure what he'd do to his brother if he threw out something like Spider-Man 1. I think I'd be visiting him in prison as he went on a vengeful rampage. :>) (just kidding . . . he's a gentle giant).
But I'm not sure what he'd do to his brother if he threw out something like Spider-Man 1. I think I'd be visiting him in prison as he went on a vengeful rampage. :>) (just kidding . . . he's a gentle giant).
I can't reach him -- we're on opposite sides of the country and I have agoraphobia. Besides, he's kind of a wimp. But folks, Spiderman 1 -- that's worth a lot of money I don't have!
Well, that was a pretty cruddy thing for him to do. Even if you didn't want to sell it and it meant something to you! My husband's mom gave away his baseball card collection to a boy at their church. Those cards would be worth thousands today he says due to some very rare sought after cards. Sigh.
Mom, it's even worse -- he threw away my whole history. Everything I left behind because I moved a lot. But that's my brother. Don't let your kids become like my brother. Don't anyone let your kids be like my brother!
Yeah thanks man I really appreciate you replying, and just to clarify I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety. I have been diagnosed with OCD though. I have a problem with perfectionism with my OCD, along with excessive hand washing and a complicated "germ" phobia. I sometimes have to have everything absolutely perfect in my areas and if they aren't I start to freak out. Also it just happens randomly sometimes too, like it can take tens of minutes just adjusting one thing in my room. I think the thoughts of reality might be the doubtfulness of OCD and the fact that it mostly happens at night, so my brain probably isn't doing its best at telling me things are OK lol. I know someone reading this might think I'm crazy lol but I just want to know if this is normal for someone with OCD or anxiety. Thanks
2 Comments
No, I have OCD as well, and it's just maddening because we know it's just foolish, but it is what it is. But it is a form of anxiety, it's just got a somewhat different form of treatment. It's possible your anxiety problem is spreading out from just OCD, but as I say, it's also possible you're just thinking thoughts we all have especially when we're young and your anxiety makes it seem like a problem instead of something interesting.
Thanks I thought it could be the OCD lol. I appreciate the answer, good to know I'm not going crazy lol
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