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I feel depressed.

So when I was young like 4 yrs old I was touched by my cousin and uncle. I would spend alot of time at my aunty’s house becuase my parents worked all the time. My cousin dropped out of school and I don't really remember how it all started. But he used to touch me sexually while he would baby sit me. I didn't do anything about it becuase I was young and didn't know what I was doing. I kinda wanted it. I know it sounds bad but it's true. Idk how but my uncle started touching me too and I was scared of getting in trouble I don't know I was very timid. This happend for years and it stopped after I refused to do it becuase I was growing up and me and my family moved cities and cut them off becuase they were fake and were hiding a big secret about dad's infidelity (he was cheating on my mom) So after we moved Im now 14 years old and I never spoke to them again. I am very ashamed and I feel remorse for what they did to them, becuase of them I grew up fast mentally. I so scared and paranoid to ever have a boyfriend or have sex. What should I do? I am scared to talk to my mom and dad about this. I get very depressed and anxiety about what happened to me. I feel like I will get very judged. I don't think I ever lost my virginity to them. But my cousin did do anal on me. ): What do I do? Its been about 2 years and half that that happend to me.
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973741 tn?1342342773
I think the experience of having pleasure while being molested is common.  Please don't feel ashamed and guilty about that. You do need to tell though as your uncle and cousin could have more victims.  I know that is a scary prospect for the upheaval of your family that this would cause but they shouldn't have access to children.  I also think you absolutely one hundred percent need to be in therapy.  working through the pain of this and how it has affected you and what residual damage you have is really going to be essential.  Do you have access to therapy or insurance to start therapy?  
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