I had a bad fall which may have led to my PTSD

[Omusicgame]

Everyday lately I have been focusing on my bad leg.  I have a bad leg due to the fact that I had an accident in 2003, in which I was in a coma and I shattered my pelvis and my elbow.  This led to my one leg being shorter.  I fell 7 stories which caused the accident.  I don't really recall exactly how it happened.  It happened in a parking garage, and my car went missing.  I'm not sure if someone pushed me or maybe I even tried to commit suicide.  I lead on the fact more of maybe being pushed, because then why was my car missing?  Plus maybe subconsciously I don't want people thinking I tried to kill myself. I know some people think that, and it tragically bothers me all the time.  Like, it's so pathetic.  But the point I'm trying to make is lately I've been focused on it because I feel like I shouldn't have this problem.  I shouldn't have an injury, and every day I feel like it's kind of a dream and I'll wake up tomorrow and be all better, back to normal.  But no, It's there.  I know I should be thankful and I try to be everyday as much as I can, but part of me is still stubborn and says "No, I shouldn't be like this,  I should be normal, perfect like I was."  But, that's how it goes I guess.  I even have these thoughts that people like some of my family and my best friend think I still tried to kill myself, and maybe is was because of my wife or some ****.   Idk, and it always goes back to the reason that I'm walking with a limp and all this **** stirs up.  It just gets really dark.  I soon look at other people like my best friend and get jealous that he is in good condition.  Or I look at other people and I'm jealous.  I just feel I can't accept this fact.  Why can't I accept it?  Why can't I just look on the bright side and say I'm glad to be alive?

[Paxiled]

Who knows why?  The place to try to learn this is in therapy.  If in fact you tried to commit suicide and have repressed it (sometimes injuries that cause comas can just erase some memories, and sometimes the brain defensively erases memories to protect us which is a different thing) you may need to get to the bottom of that to get past it.  Some do this in talk.  Some in hypnosis.  Some with medical use of hallucinogenics.  There are ways out there that might work.  Or you can skip that part and work on acceptance.  Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism are religions but are also philosophies based on the notion of acceptance and not judging, and they form a lot of the basis of modern psychotherapy.  Maybe some exploration of this can work for you.  Worth a try.  

[Omusicgame]

Hey Thank You so much!! I really appreciate it!!!  I am doing some of that Buddhism, well I think it's kind of like Buddhism.  I have been doing Nofap for a little while now.  Nofap if you haven't heard of it, is a form of keeping yourself clean.  It means not masterbating, looking at porn, etc.  It's supposed to teach yourself, like  a monk, to have willpower against your strongest desires.  It really is helping me get to the bottom of things, and if I wasn't doing that, I wouldn't have reached out on here.  So anyway, thank you for your help.

[Paxiled]

Well, that's fine if you want to be a monk, but that's also not practicing acceptance in the sense I meant.  The reasons clergy in some religions don't have sex is more complicated that to build willpower -- it's also to build power, to pretend to be superior to others.  In secret, we later find most of them were having sex.  But that's another story.  Discipline and acceptance can be had with any way you choose to live, but the part I was referring to is more available to anyone that asceticism, which is fine if you want to do that but if you don't you can still practice acceptance.  I don't say this to discourage you in any way from your chosen path, but only for anyone who is reading this -- I was really referring to the practices that have become incorporated in modern psychology.  I hope your path brings you peace and joy.