I'm so worried

[Rido99]

Hello dear forum members. There had been previous sexual contact frottage. Later, the members here told me that it was not a risk, but I succumbed to my anxiety and had a test. During the test, I went to the lab and sat in the chair. The nurse seemed to want to distract me and kept talking. I couldn't quite see the needle. Then I asked him about his ars symptoms. And he seemed knowledgeable about it. Even doctors in my country are not very knowledgeable about this. Later, he told himself that he had a needle prick while taking blood and that he thought the patient was positive, and that he had a test and it was negative. Now here is the weirdness. The patient knows whether it is negative or positive. Because there is a test and if it is positive, pep starts and if it is negative, he does not get tested. But he says he just thinks the patient is positive and gets tested. Seems like a contradictory answer to me. He then said he was doing research on the internet and told me not to look on the internet because there was false information there. He told me on the way, don't worry, being positive is not a bad thing. Then it got stuck in my head and 2 days later I went back to the lab and spoke to the nurse. At first she showed me the needles and said they were disposable. But he had a worried expression. And I asked him, he got a needle stuck in his hand, he tested negative, but is it really negative? Then he got angry and gave harsh reactions. She said I shouldn't question him. She said again she was negative. But she said it's none of my business whether it's negative or positive. Then she showed the door. I panicked. Because it looked like guilt psychology. His sudden, very harsh and aggressive behavior made me uneasy. Now I think that this nurse somehow used the needle to contact her own blood and then use it to draw blood from me. I can't get this out of my head. I know it looks like okb and paranoia. But it's the nurse's demeanor and conflicting answers that I'm worried about. When I think normally, I think why would a nurse do such a thing. Moreover, he is married and has a family. He has a job in a good laboratory. Why put yourself in danger? But then I think. If, as he said, he had a needle stuck in his hand while drawing blood from a patient and he tested positive. If he's lying to me. And if his psychology is broken because of this incident. If he is infecting to take revenge on incoming patients. I have this thought. This is where my brain connects to this. In my opinion the answers he gave are contradictory. Being suddenly angry and aggressive when you continue to ask questions. Is this guilt psychology? Or I questioned him a lot and he got overwhelmed. But I interpreted this situation differently in my brain. Do you think there is a feeling of psychological guilt in this incident that I am describing? Could the nurse have done such a thing? What you think is very important to me. Please help with this.

[Paxiled]

This is very confusing, as you are either confusing the pronouns he and she or there are two people you're talking about.  Look, who can tell you if you managed to run into a homicidal maniac?  But what are the odds of that happening?  This is besides the fact that a needle stick isn't what gives someone HIV, it's sharing needles, and unless the hospital you went to has absolutely no standards, then they never use the same needle for different people.  You also seem to be confused about PEP.  Getting tested is the only way to know if you're positive or not.  Taking PEP without testing tells you nothing.  It might protect you, but it doesn't tell you by itself whether or not you were actually exposed.  I would say if you're this upset by it, go get tested.  When you get your negative result, find a good psychologist and work on your real problem, which is you have a phobia about getting HIV which is so bad it's getting in the way of your life.  You have an anxiety problem and most likely not an HIV problem.  Which you already know from the other forum.

[Rido99]

Thanks for the answer. Sorry my english is bad. There is only 1 nurse. I know they use a single needle. It's not a needle stick. My problem is not used needles. The needles she showed me are disposable. I'm worried. Could the nurse have deliberately infected me? My only question is. He deliberately infected me by pricking himself with the vacutainer needle he used to take blood from me. The nurse said that she had a needle prick at the place where she worked before, but she said it was negative. Maybe he lied. Maybe it was positive. And it was psychologically bad. He may have a vengeance. She deliberately infected incoming patients with a needle from her own blood. I know how paranoid thinking it is. But. Because I thought so. I went back 2 days later. Because of their inconsistent answers. And the nurse gets angry when I ask questions. Whatever he told me, I asked him the same things. But she showed aggressive and harsh demeanor. This is where I need help. Maybe I'm not thinking well. I wonder if the nervous attitude of the nurse is from the psychology of guilt? He hurt me and got into the guilt psycho and gave aggressive responses, could that be? Or. I asked too many questions and I questioned him a lot. She just got angry she? I don't know, I'm very confused. I made an appointment for a psychologist, I'll go in 6 days. I want to take a test, but there are 24 days. I'm about to go crazy. Could you please tell me what you think about this issue?

[Paxiled]

Yes, and  a meteor will eventually fall on someone some day.  Sure it's possible, but if someone said this to you about themselves, what would you say to them about the possibility?  The fact you're even thinking like this shows you have a severe phobia about HIV.  As I said, you can think about this forever and suffer from that, you can accept that you're being really really paranoid, or you can get tested and when you get the negative test results back you can then go see a therapist and work on your real problem.

[Rido99]

I think I asked too many questions and overwhelmed the nurse.  When the nurse saw that I didn't believe her, she got angry.  Maybe I'm evaluating everything wrong in my head.  After all, why would a nurse knowingly infect a patient?  So do you think it's just HIV phobia?  Or do I have an ocd problem?  Every day towards the evening, I think rationally and calm down.  But when I wake up, these negative thoughts continue in my brain.  It's like I'm at war with my brain about this issue.

[Rido99]

So I think logically.  Even if the nurse is positive.  He is married and has a family.  He has a good job.  He doesn't have to be taking HIV drugs to knowingly infect me.  If he is taking medicine, he is not contagious anyway.  It's bad for his own health if he's not taking medication.  So I think it sounds illogical.  I relax for a while.  Then in my brain.  IF IT HAPPENED.  What if he got it from a patient there.  If he is mentally ill.  If he does not knowingly take his medication.  And revenge.  It transmits HIV to incoming patients from their own blood.  I've been at war with these thoughts all day.  Why did he behave aggressively towards me and got angry?  My brain is constantly poking me about this subject.  Before that I was very healthy.  I cant believe.

[Paxiled]

No, it's not OCD.  It's a phobia.  You can beat it.  But you do probably need some help to do that.  Peace.

[Rido99]

Thanks for the replies and help mate.  As I said.  I have an appointment on October 14th.  I hope it will do me good.  Well, I'd be happy if you could give me one last answer.  I explained the nurse's responses and attitudes.  Do you think I'm magnifying it in my head?  What do you think is the probability of such an event happening?  I'm just curious about your opinion.

[Paxiled]

I believe comparing it to a meteor hitting you pretty well sums up what I think about it.