Life hanging in the balance

[ali2580]

Where to start.. In beginning of February 2017 I had encounter with a commercial sex worker. A week after that I started thinking if I had contracted HIV from the episode. Since then I have had multiple tests all negative.

One of the problems is the official guideline which only deems a test taken after 3 months as conclusive whereas in my consultation with world renowned HIV expert Dr Hook & the HIV community here at medhelp I've been repeatedly told that my existing tests are conclusively Negative and i need no further testing.

But whenever I try to move on something weird happens with my wife, she develops a symptom and my mind goes in overdrive, connecting her condition to possible HIV exposure I gave her.

Its been 2 months since the incident and my life has been hell, despite assurances of Everyone to move on, plan babies with my wife & enjoy life I am still stuck on this.

From the moment I wake up till the moment I sleep I'm only thinking about this, Googling the subject to the ends of the earth and beyond...

I am self employed and my work along with my marital life is greatly suffering because of all this.

I don't know how to pull out of this, the anxiety is eating me alive.

All I want to do these days is travel on my car from one city to the other with my wife, somehow this exercise of journeying on the road seems relaxing though even when I'm driving I'm only thinking about HIV again and again. These days I want to be surrounded by people I know and care about a lot more than usual,often finding excuses to be with them.

Being in Pakistan where counseling or getting help on matters like this is a huge taboo I'm all alone in this. I love my wife but I cannot tell her what I'm going through, while always finding excuses not to have sex with her.

I don't know what's next, if i get myself together my wife will again develop another symptom and I'll again fall in the well of despair.

Experienced Night sweats, loss of appetite, almost everything in the book which resembles like symptoms of anxiety or hiv.


I need your help....

[Paxiled]

Your problem isn't HIV, it's guilt and anxiety.  I know the cultural conditions in your country aren't great for this, but you already know from what you've posted that there's probably no other way to work this out since you aren't doing a good job of doing it on your own.  But some things that might help (and are probably taboo as well, but so it goes).  Your country used to be part of India, and once upon a time there was much cultural sharing.  Meditation can be very helpful, so maybe this is something you can learn -- it's done alone where nobody can see and it can really help with relaxing troubling thoughts from the mind and learning to live with being human and the troubles that brings.  Exercise can also be helpful to work off some of this.  The passage of time will also help.  But therapy would speed it up.

[ambermana]

A year ago I had an encounter with someone while I was blackout drunk, and I wasn't sure we used protection. That isn't something I ever do and he was renowned for being promiscuous, so I instantly panicked exactly like you are, and everything turned out okay for me. Unless you have sores or something to that degree, I honestly wouldn't panic.
Symptoms of HIV are so broad and you're over thinking it just like I was. Definitely does not sound like a good idea, having sex with a sex worker. Just don't let it happen again..learn from this.

[ali2580]

Nobody :(  ?