That sounds great to have a goal to get money. Also, make sure the next goal is to get some help. It will follow you. I've had some really bad people in my life , as well as some good people. I've learned to focus on the good people. This may help.
I know parental relationships (or lack thereof) can be very damaging and I know this first hand. I cannot speak for your experience. However, for me, I've come to realize that my parents are not perfect and grew up in a completely different generation than me. Sure, I could of had more love, support and encouragement from them. However, I've learned to not let it define me and move past this. Just say to yourself: " I don't need my parents approval to do this or that, etc". I've known lots of people who were confident and those who were not. They were hung up on past issues with their parents. This is hard to overcome. However, you can overcome it. My inspiration was a woman who had such a disfunctional upbringing. However, she strived and was successful at everything she did. I asked her how she could do that. She told me that she does not feel the need to seek approval from her parents. She acknowledges the fact that she is her own person and chooses to live life her way and not the way her parents want. So I tend to follow that same pattern and it has helped me in my life and relationships with my parents.
A change of scenery could very well help you. For now, keep the online help as a resource and work towards your goals. I hope this helps. Always here for support:)
Thank you for your response.
Well, I've spoken (via forum chat) with someone actually diagnosed with social anxiety and they f
had same symptoms as I do, so I decided I might be also having it. Maybe not so severe, but still at least moderate.
Unfortunately I cannot see a specialist nor afford anything.
I just must have get a job, no questions asked, no interest showed. My family has come to point where we need money immediately so I'll have no choice to just "cowboy up" and live on.
I'm truly scared. Those lost nine years are biting in my backside hard now, when I need to be the grown up of my family and help out with funeral (my granny died few days ago) arrangements.
I'll have no time to dwell on my insecurities and doubts.
Well, I'm currently having to suffice with online help, chatting and lots of creative writing (aka fanfiction) and photography.
I had been wondering about why I'm the way I am but I believe it's partially mom's fault and most definitely my dad's. He makes me feel unwanted since he obviously didn't want me. So my mom simply decided it's something I'll deal without, not realizing I needed an example so I'd know it's normal to meet people, date boys, have friends. Because mom had it all, I had only couple friends I ended up loosing anyway.
I don't like dating because I simply feel like it's something alien to me and to me the usual "in love", "dating", "bf/gf" stuff simply doesn't exist.
I never had that example from mom so obviously I've decided those things exist only on tv and other people, not me.
I now realize all that (inner psychologist, magazines and tv has shown me that) simple stuff parents are supposed to show their children so they don't turn out socially awkward, anxious and closed down like me. Because I never had much emotional display examples, relationship display. All I learned from books and tv.
Now I'm thrown into it without any actual knowledge. But my only interest will be in getting money before I can start move on with any kind of life. Sometimes I'm not shy at all. Occasionally I can sprout courage that leaves me hopeful that I'm not a lot cause.
I'll try to get some job, earn up a bit for saving and try to visit UK. I feel somewhere else I might open up to let people in before hiding away.
People here where I live aren't that open and kind, I need less hostile surroundings to try and not be so socially awkward (anxious)
Hi! It sounds like you have social anxiety. I'm not a professional. I have social anxiety myself. I can completely relate to how you feel about meeting others and getting a job. My social anxiety was worse when I was younger. I was able to overcome it and went on to university and became a professional.
I would recommend seeing a Psychiatrist about this, for sure. You would need some professional help in the beginning and perhaps some meds as well.
Talk therapy can help you with your past negative experience. You can get through this. Ultimately, forming new relationships and getting a job will help you overcome these obstacles. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and take it one step at a time.
I once dated a guy, who's sister was very shy and socially anxious. She did not date or had any friends. She was so shy that she would hide her face behind her long hair and look at the floor whenever I was around. After highschool, she got a part time job and was so afraid at first. Fast forward to twenty years later and she made a career out of that job, went on to college, got married, had a family and a circle of friends. So recovery is possible!