Aa
Need to get back to normal
Hi,
About six weeks ago I had protected sex and oral sex with a escort in Canada. In addition, 2.5 weeks ago, I touched the wet vagina (for about 10 minutes) of a stripper, and later noticed a cut I had on one finger from 5 days before. Despite reassurance that it is unrealistic that I contracted an std from these events, I went to get tested for HIV and other STD's. The tests so far came back negative. I am fearful that since it the test was done only one month after my escort experience, and one week after my stripper experience the HIV test mey not have been reliable yet. However I do know that he experts on this site advised me not to get tested.
I've been a nervous wreck for the past 3 weeks. I can't ea normally, I am feeling depressed (I'm worried about what can happen to my wife). Also, yesterday I went to the dentist, and noticed after that my lymph nodes were swollen. I don't have fever yet. I am watching very closely for symptoms and can focus on anything that matters. My wife, who doesn't know what I did (which I never intend to do again), can't begin to understand how I've become this nervous wreck. My doctor advised me not to say a word to her about the event, and to seek professional help from a psychologist immediately. I have contacted one but know that this will take time.
My questions are the following:
1. How am I going to get through this?
2. Is it normal to be so nervous you can't eat for a period of several weeks? nI do eat a couple of meals per day but its not the same as usual.
3. How do I put my anxiety to rest?
4. Are swollen lymph nodes possible from my dentist experience? Also, since I read about the symptom of swollen nodes i have been touching and massaging my neck, loocking for something, I think I may have worsened the problem, is this possible or likely?
Please help me someone if you can.
Thanks
About six weeks ago I had protected sex and oral sex with a escort in Canada. In addition, 2.5 weeks ago, I touched the wet vagina (for about 10 minutes) of a stripper, and later noticed a cut I had on one finger from 5 days before. Despite reassurance that it is unrealistic that I contracted an std from these events, I went to get tested for HIV and other STD's. The tests so far came back negative. I am fearful that since it the test was done only one month after my escort experience, and one week after my stripper experience the HIV test mey not have been reliable yet. However I do know that he experts on this site advised me not to get tested.
I've been a nervous wreck for the past 3 weeks. I can't ea normally, I am feeling depressed (I'm worried about what can happen to my wife). Also, yesterday I went to the dentist, and noticed after that my lymph nodes were swollen. I don't have fever yet. I am watching very closely for symptoms and can focus on anything that matters. My wife, who doesn't know what I did (which I never intend to do again), can't begin to understand how I've become this nervous wreck. My doctor advised me not to say a word to her about the event, and to seek professional help from a psychologist immediately. I have contacted one but know that this will take time.
My questions are the following:
1. How am I going to get through this?
2. Is it normal to be so nervous you can't eat for a period of several weeks? nI do eat a couple of meals per day but its not the same as usual.
3. How do I put my anxiety to rest?
4. Are swollen lymph nodes possible from my dentist experience? Also, since I read about the symptom of swollen nodes i have been touching and massaging my neck, loocking for something, I think I may have worsened the problem, is this possible or likely?
Please help me someone if you can.
Thanks
Is it normal that I am feeling lots of fatigue, losing weight since I can't eat normally, and feeling faint?
One more thing.
downmtl wrote. "I've already consulted with the STD specialists who told me there isn't any risk."
Let me respond to this. I am not an STD specialist with a degree or license, doctor or nurse. I am a regular person like you on this forum looking for answers about medical conditions.
downmtl wrote. "I've already consulted with the STD specialists who told me there isn't any risk."
Let me respond to this. I am not an STD specialist with a degree or license, doctor or nurse. I am a regular person like you on this forum looking for answers about medical conditions.
I am not a medical doctor or nurse and do not work for the CDC. I gave my opinion that the risk was very low and not likely. If you asked me if a rock from outer space would fall on you I'd say very unlikely. I presented facts by the CDC. This is how the CDC responded to me with a similar situation and questions and I responded to you in a similar matter as they did to me.
This is a serious matter. There are people that don't know how to use condoms, people that leave them in their car in 120 degree heat and in direct summer sunlight, fold them and put them on wallets, condoms that are many years expired, and so many more careless factors. If you take all of these people and average them someone has human error and tears a condom, ect.. I don't know all conditions therefore can not state absolute so I stated very unlikely.
* I can say this *,
if you had a good condom and used it properly then the risk of being infected through the condom is zero.
You would be surprised how many people do not use condoms properly. Most of the time it's the woman that gets the short end of the stick (no pun intended) when the condom is misused since carelessness by the person putting it on can touch semen on the penis tip while handling it and then handle the condom from the outside while putting it on. The man is still protected however he just contaminated the out side tip for the woman and bada big a baby is created.
Do I feel you need to worry... NO.
I'd not loose any sleep over this.
Let me share this. Imagine what I went through worrying.
I was attacked by some strange person off the street that jumped on me and bit in to my neck with blood on my neck and piercings all over their lips that probably tore too when I pushed them off me with their teeth still biting in to me. The person looked dirty and possibly homeless and I wouln't doubt a drug addict. Then they ran off. That freaked me out. That's a situation no one wants to deal with. I went through it. I understand what it's like thinking about it every day just waiting for a test result that will be 3 months away. I didn't have protection to help me. Blood and Blood. Bite to push in. That's bad. Yes I know what it is like to worry excessivly.
It's just something people should do. If you have sex with multiple partners you should be tested. Because people say they used a condom but not everyone was using it properly. So how can we say who did and didn't use it properly so we tell everyone to get tested. It's not because you were with an escort, not that you are married, just the fact you are with more than 1 person that triggered my response to get tested after 3 months.
This is a serious matter. There are people that don't know how to use condoms, people that leave them in their car in 120 degree heat and in direct summer sunlight, fold them and put them on wallets, condoms that are many years expired, and so many more careless factors. If you take all of these people and average them someone has human error and tears a condom, ect.. I don't know all conditions therefore can not state absolute so I stated very unlikely.
* I can say this *,
if you had a good condom and used it properly then the risk of being infected through the condom is zero.
You would be surprised how many people do not use condoms properly. Most of the time it's the woman that gets the short end of the stick (no pun intended) when the condom is misused since carelessness by the person putting it on can touch semen on the penis tip while handling it and then handle the condom from the outside while putting it on. The man is still protected however he just contaminated the out side tip for the woman and bada big a baby is created.
Do I feel you need to worry... NO.
I'd not loose any sleep over this.
Let me share this. Imagine what I went through worrying.
I was attacked by some strange person off the street that jumped on me and bit in to my neck with blood on my neck and piercings all over their lips that probably tore too when I pushed them off me with their teeth still biting in to me. The person looked dirty and possibly homeless and I wouln't doubt a drug addict. Then they ran off. That freaked me out. That's a situation no one wants to deal with. I went through it. I understand what it's like thinking about it every day just waiting for a test result that will be 3 months away. I didn't have protection to help me. Blood and Blood. Bite to push in. That's bad. Yes I know what it is like to worry excessivly.
It's just something people should do. If you have sex with multiple partners you should be tested. Because people say they used a condom but not everyone was using it properly. So how can we say who did and didn't use it properly so we tell everyone to get tested. It's not because you were with an escort, not that you are married, just the fact you are with more than 1 person that triggered my response to get tested after 3 months.
Protected is protected...meaning ZERO, not LOW risk. And the oral risk? VERY VERY VERY minimal. Sooo minimal that most ID docs do not even recommend testing.
Cut scenario? In order for HIV to be transmitted thru a cut like situation...you'd have to have two people with GAPING wounds bleeding all over the place onto each other. And BELIEVE me...if that were the case...the last thing you would be worrying about would be HIV.....you'd be hightailing it to a hospital for the blood loss.
I hope that eases your mind...and that you are feeling better! I would bets lots of money (if I had it, lol) that you will be unequivocably negative.
Take Care!
Cut scenario? In order for HIV to be transmitted thru a cut like situation...you'd have to have two people with GAPING wounds bleeding all over the place onto each other. And BELIEVE me...if that were the case...the last thing you would be worrying about would be HIV.....you'd be hightailing it to a hospital for the blood loss.
I hope that eases your mind...and that you are feeling better! I would bets lots of money (if I had it, lol) that you will be unequivocably negative.
Take Care!
i just have to say: your post really set me on edge. I know you don't like to sugar coat things, but you should consider that this is an anxiety forum. I.e. people here are looking to decrease their anxiety level, not increase it.
By the way, the condom was used and did not break. So why is there a risk here? I've already consulted with the STD specialists who told me there isn't any risk. Since you seem to be intimating otherwise, I'm just wondering if you too are an expert?
Saliva inhibits HIV, don't try to scare him. The CDC is a conservative group, that has to say these things to cover themselves.
You wrote...
2. Is it normal to be so nervous you can't eat for a period of several weeks? nI do eat a couple of meals per day but its not the same as usual.
Oh you bet ya! Stress and Anxiety can make it impossible for a person to eat too sometimes because they will throw it right up. And it can last as long as the anxiety and stress lasts.
I'll start off by giving my personal opinion on your exposure. I take these things very seriously and will not sugar coat it.
The stripper thing, lol that's funny. The cut from 5 days ago was sealed. I personally would not think twice about this as I doubt there is any possibility unless you saw blood dripping from your hand a few hours before contact. The body seals small cuts very quickly usually with in minutes. We aren't talking about a deep cut that required stitches at a hospital correct. 5 days later, not an issue in my opinion. I would not even be concerned about the finger thing. I wouldn't get tested for that either. I don't see the risk? Then add the odds against the stripper being first infected with HIV. But in this case you had no open cut so this topic is pointless. There was no possibility of transmission by either of you.
The ESCORT. You used a condom, which is very effective in protecting against HIV. But sexual intercourse contact or oral intercourse involving the mouth or sexual organs is always a risk when your partner is active with other partners. Your risk is very low when a condom is used properly. But no matter who has sex with a condom if multiple partners are involved and in this case there is multiple partners all should always be tested. It is standard or should be standard to be tested 3 months after exposure. If you feel there was a higher risk as if the condom broke you should be tested 1 month and again at 3 months. And if you are paranoid about it you can do another test at 6 months. 97% accurate is the 3 month test says the CDC. The escort would also need to be first be infected too before there is even a risk at all. I would still get tested at 3 months out of responsibility but it is not likely at all you contracted HIV from this experience with a good condom properly used.
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Just a few quoted FACTS from the CDC government website today.
1. "Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 2 to 8 weeks"
2. "Ninety-seven percent of persons will develop antibodies in the first 3 months"
3. "In very rare cases, it can take up to 6 months"
I don't think I can post links so if you wanted to read more you can search the CDC site for this title "Deciding If and When to Be Tested". But I think I pretty much covered it with those 3 quotes.
Here is the thing. In order to contract this virus the person you come in contact with first has to first be infected. You need some kind of direct contact like broken condom, no condom, ect. Then even so that does not mean you will become infected in all cases. Since you were protected I'd not stress over it. Seek consoling. I really doubt you will stop thinking about it for the next 2 months. I think a lot of us have been through the 3 or 6 month wait. But some of us were not protected and either cut or forced in to something by a stranger. In your case you were protected with a condom and probably with someone educated in safe sex.
Another thing. You won't feel sick or different from HIV. You will have test results before it affects your health. So if you feel sick or strange it is not from HIV exposure from 1 month ago. I'd say not even 6 months ago. You won't feel it. Anything you will feel will only be anxiety... Just keep telling your self... "YOU WORE A CONDOM" and "You can't be infected unless the person you were with was infected first". It's just not likely. But I would tell anyone to get tested after 3 months of sex after being with multiple partners.
I am not about to think about the situation of the marriage since I don't now the relationship. I just say this in the event that someone draws a conclusion on your acts. Each relationship including marriage is between 2 people. In some relationships this is acceptable behaver agreed or known by both parties.
The stripper thing, lol that's funny. The cut from 5 days ago was sealed. I personally would not think twice about this as I doubt there is any possibility unless you saw blood dripping from your hand a few hours before contact. The body seals small cuts very quickly usually with in minutes. We aren't talking about a deep cut that required stitches at a hospital correct. 5 days later, not an issue in my opinion. I would not even be concerned about the finger thing. I wouldn't get tested for that either. I don't see the risk? Then add the odds against the stripper being first infected with HIV. But in this case you had no open cut so this topic is pointless. There was no possibility of transmission by either of you.
The ESCORT. You used a condom, which is very effective in protecting against HIV. But sexual intercourse contact or oral intercourse involving the mouth or sexual organs is always a risk when your partner is active with other partners. Your risk is very low when a condom is used properly. But no matter who has sex with a condom if multiple partners are involved and in this case there is multiple partners all should always be tested. It is standard or should be standard to be tested 3 months after exposure. If you feel there was a higher risk as if the condom broke you should be tested 1 month and again at 3 months. And if you are paranoid about it you can do another test at 6 months. 97% accurate is the 3 month test says the CDC. The escort would also need to be first be infected too before there is even a risk at all. I would still get tested at 3 months out of responsibility but it is not likely at all you contracted HIV from this experience with a good condom properly used.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a few quoted FACTS from the CDC government website today.
1. "Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 2 to 8 weeks"
2. "Ninety-seven percent of persons will develop antibodies in the first 3 months"
3. "In very rare cases, it can take up to 6 months"
I don't think I can post links so if you wanted to read more you can search the CDC site for this title "Deciding If and When to Be Tested". But I think I pretty much covered it with those 3 quotes.
Here is the thing. In order to contract this virus the person you come in contact with first has to first be infected. You need some kind of direct contact like broken condom, no condom, ect. Then even so that does not mean you will become infected in all cases. Since you were protected I'd not stress over it. Seek consoling. I really doubt you will stop thinking about it for the next 2 months. I think a lot of us have been through the 3 or 6 month wait. But some of us were not protected and either cut or forced in to something by a stranger. In your case you were protected with a condom and probably with someone educated in safe sex.
Another thing. You won't feel sick or different from HIV. You will have test results before it affects your health. So if you feel sick or strange it is not from HIV exposure from 1 month ago. I'd say not even 6 months ago. You won't feel it. Anything you will feel will only be anxiety... Just keep telling your self... "YOU WORE A CONDOM" and "You can't be infected unless the person you were with was infected first". It's just not likely. But I would tell anyone to get tested after 3 months of sex after being with multiple partners.
I am not about to think about the situation of the marriage since I don't now the relationship. I just say this in the event that someone draws a conclusion on your acts. Each relationship including marriage is between 2 people. In some relationships this is acceptable behaver agreed or known by both parties.
Because you are past 6 weeks so a test right now would tell you your true status and calm your anxiety some, HIV specialists say they dont ever see 6 week negatives go positive later on so a 6 week will tell you whats up.
The stripper incident 2.5 weeks ago is nothing to worry about anyway, HIV is not transmitted like that.
The stripper incident 2.5 weeks ago is nothing to worry about anyway, HIV is not transmitted like that.
I can perosnally attest to the anxiety that can come from an HIV scare, and the guilt that can come with it can make it that much worse.
Relax, you didnt get HIV, nobody gets HIV from protected sex or oral sex and as for this supposed swollen lynph node, you cant diagnose a node by yourself, it takes a doctor to diagnose a swollen node. Plus messing with your nodes can make them swell, leave them alone. Now to your questions.
1. Get through this with a 6 and 12 week rapid HIV test although the 6 week negative will not change at 12 weeks anyway.
2. No thats not normal but it does happen to people that are suffering with anxiety and in a panic. I refuse to eat at all when the anxiety gets bad.
3. Put it to rest by testing for HIV and if that doesnt fix the anxiety then you will need counseling and maybe some meds.
4. Stop touching your nodes, messing with them will make them mad. Only a doctor can diagnose nodes being swollen. I would place money on the fact that you read about swollen nodes and started trying to mess with them and you probably arent even feeling your lymph nodes anyway.
If you havent had a 6 week test yet go get one ASAP at a rapid clinic, results in under 30 minutes. Until then relax because you never put yourself at risk for HIV in the first place.
Relax, you didnt get HIV, nobody gets HIV from protected sex or oral sex and as for this supposed swollen lynph node, you cant diagnose a node by yourself, it takes a doctor to diagnose a swollen node. Plus messing with your nodes can make them swell, leave them alone. Now to your questions.
1. Get through this with a 6 and 12 week rapid HIV test although the 6 week negative will not change at 12 weeks anyway.
2. No thats not normal but it does happen to people that are suffering with anxiety and in a panic. I refuse to eat at all when the anxiety gets bad.
3. Put it to rest by testing for HIV and if that doesnt fix the anxiety then you will need counseling and maybe some meds.
4. Stop touching your nodes, messing with them will make them mad. Only a doctor can diagnose nodes being swollen. I would place money on the fact that you read about swollen nodes and started trying to mess with them and you probably arent even feeling your lymph nodes anyway.
If you havent had a 6 week test yet go get one ASAP at a rapid clinic, results in under 30 minutes. Until then relax because you never put yourself at risk for HIV in the first place.
Yes.....definitely the anxiety wreaking havoc on you. Have you taken the first step to seek some counseling?
Take a minute and read thru the forum...you will get a good idea of all of the different physical symptoms that plague us anxious folks. Also, in the "health pages" is a looong list (growing longer by the day) of anxiety symptoms.
Go forward with the therapy you need do you can be confident and put this behind you.
Take a minute and read thru the forum...you will get a good idea of all of the different physical symptoms that plague us anxious folks. Also, in the "health pages" is a looong list (growing longer by the day) of anxiety symptoms.
Go forward with the therapy you need do you can be confident and put this behind you.
I think that most likely the dental work caused your lymph node swelling. Any infection (from the most minute) can cause lymph nodes to swell. It is NOT suspect of anything serious.
Best of luck with the therapy!
Best of luck with the therapy!
I went to the dentist yesterday morning, I hadn't had a cleaning in more than a year so the work was a little more than usual. While at the dentist, my dentist examined my gums and said all looked perfect. I noticed a few hours later the bottom of my mouth, under my tongue was inflammed. I called them and they said it is totally normal after a cleaning like that. I started massaging my neck during the day since I felt some tightness or a sore throat. Later in the night I saw a dr friend, and asked him if my lymph nodes were swollen. He said yes right away, but said it could be normal and it should be gone by next week. Of course, since he didn't know about my exposure, his answer about it being ok meant nothing to me. In fact it worried me more. So I don't think I am guessing, but m throat is sore and they are swollen a bit.
I also am an occasional smoker, but since this fear erupted, I've ramped up to about 5-6 cigarettes daily which is a huge amount for me. However my dr friends tell me it should have no effect. I did read on the internet (i will try to stay away) that trying to massage and touch your lymph nodes could make them worse.
What do you think?
I also am an occasional smoker, but since this fear erupted, I've ramped up to about 5-6 cigarettes daily which is a huge amount for me. However my dr friends tell me it should have no effect. I did read on the internet (i will try to stay away) that trying to massage and touch your lymph nodes could make them worse.
What do you think?
I'm glad you are going to get help, to work through all of these emotions you have, which are understandable.
Also, has a doctor said your lymph nodes are swollen, or are you just guessing they are?
If they REALLY are swollen...a million different things could cause it...it is not uncommon to have swollen lymph nodes here and there.
Best of luck!!!
Also, has a doctor said your lymph nodes are swollen, or are you just guessing they are?
If they REALLY are swollen...a million different things could cause it...it is not uncommon to have swollen lymph nodes here and there.
Best of luck!!!
I just want to thank you both and others for helping me. I've been so emotional about this lately, I just want to cry when I read your responses. Thank God for you people.
For so many years, I watched myself make the wrong choices. It started by going to strip clubs, then massage parlors (not full service), and then finaly my experience with the escort. While I'm happy I didn't take extremely high risks, I'm so disappointed that I let myself hit this bottom. I truly beleive that this frightening experience and my therapy, will help me be faithful to my wife, and to feel more comfortable in my shoes. In a sense, I may have needed an experience to initiate change. My wife deserves better than a husband like me, but I love her deeply and I can't risk letting her go.
I am just hoping everyone is right about the fact that I did not take a risk. By the way, does it make sense that my lymph nodes are swollen around my neck? I'm assuming my loss of appetite has to do with my anxiety.
Thanks to you both again for your good hearts and attention.
For so many years, I watched myself make the wrong choices. It started by going to strip clubs, then massage parlors (not full service), and then finaly my experience with the escort. While I'm happy I didn't take extremely high risks, I'm so disappointed that I let myself hit this bottom. I truly beleive that this frightening experience and my therapy, will help me be faithful to my wife, and to feel more comfortable in my shoes. In a sense, I may have needed an experience to initiate change. My wife deserves better than a husband like me, but I love her deeply and I can't risk letting her go.
I am just hoping everyone is right about the fact that I did not take a risk. By the way, does it make sense that my lymph nodes are swollen around my neck? I'm assuming my loss of appetite has to do with my anxiety.
Thanks to you both again for your good hearts and attention.
I agree with your doc 100%...and I'm glad you have made an appt with a therapist.
HIV Anxiety is very common, especially after a guilt-producing experience like you had.
My advice to you is do NOT search the internet...you will find ANYTHING that matches your "symptoms", and it will only feed your anxiety. You had NO risK whatsoever from the situation you described. NONE. If you need the reassurance, get a final test at 3 months, but TRUST the results. Symptoms are never an indicator on infection....the test results are the indicator, so be confident in them.
There have been MANY people where you are right now. Just follow up with the therapy and deal with the feelings you have. You were unfaithful to your wife, therefore you are kicking yourself and beating yourself up. While I certainly do not approve of infidelity, you did NOT place your wife at risk.
I hope you are feeling better soon. You have found a great forum....with some people that have been in your shoes. Brad can tell you his personal experience...he was like you...and eventually moved past it.
Best of luck to you.
HIV Anxiety is very common, especially after a guilt-producing experience like you had.
My advice to you is do NOT search the internet...you will find ANYTHING that matches your "symptoms", and it will only feed your anxiety. You had NO risK whatsoever from the situation you described. NONE. If you need the reassurance, get a final test at 3 months, but TRUST the results. Symptoms are never an indicator on infection....the test results are the indicator, so be confident in them.
There have been MANY people where you are right now. Just follow up with the therapy and deal with the feelings you have. You were unfaithful to your wife, therefore you are kicking yourself and beating yourself up. While I certainly do not approve of infidelity, you did NOT place your wife at risk.
I hope you are feeling better soon. You have found a great forum....with some people that have been in your shoes. Brad can tell you his personal experience...he was like you...and eventually moved past it.
Best of luck to you.
Dude, stop worrying about your Sx. You won't get HIV from what you did. The moral dilemma is whats got you, and you need to work through that, not hide behind your anxiety of getting an illness. If you just get reassurance for your symptoms, you'll just feel good for a little while and then start worrying wen the next convenient self-absorbed symptoms arises. Work on the bigger picture w/ you psychologist. my .02
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