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Avatar universal

Obsessive thoughts/ not feeling like myself at all


This is my first post here and I'm just looking for support and a way through this again. Ive struggled with anxiety off and on since I was about 18. My first real bad panic attack was in a high school classroom from what I remember, but I had been anxious before that through previous experiences in my life such as starting middle school and things like that to the point of where I wanted to be homeschooled. Eventually I saw a doctor and started on a medication called pristiq, not sure if anyone on here uses it but it's a anti depressant serotonin inhibitor used for anxiety as well.
Im 23 now with a good job, an associate degree, and a promising career. I've been in a relationship the last two years that has had its ups and downs but the entire time we've been dating I was fine and didn't have attacks until recently. About 7 months ago I reached a point that after being on this medication again for about 2 years I felt I was stable and able to get along without it. In the past I've went off of it twice now and after about 5-6 months I have a life event that seems to send me spiraling back down into deep depression and anxiety.
Ok, so I've been off of pristiq about 7 months again and I start to feel down and lose interest in things, I'm an auto mechanic that loves cars and built a car over the last year that's my pride and joy. I start to feel less loved by my gf as well. I end up selling my car and then my gf and I get into a fight break up and don't talk for a whole week, keep in mind we've been an on and off couple so I figured a apology would fix it and we would be back together. Wrong, this time she wants nothing to do with me and after a month of little talking and me driving myself into a deep depression here I am again. My first attack after being off my meds this time was about 3 months ago, so about 4 months after being off the meds. I was driving to work and it just hit me like a bus, i couldnt breathe and it felt like I was going to pass out. I already knew what it was but for the past two years I had been fine. Fast forward to now after the break up, I sit in my room thinking the worst things and how to move on with my life at this point after being with someone two years and now I'm stuck in my parents basement feeling lost as ever. I thought I had it all figured out and now I'm at square one. I have attacks trying to figure out what I want next in life and where I'm going. My doctor tells me I'm having a quarter life crisis. Eventually we talked and we are working on things and we hang out all the time but now my anxiety is back full force. I obsessed for the longest time over her and getting her back and now that we are okay again I've started to obsess over my thoughts.
I don't feel like myself at all, I feel like I'm on auto pilot and my life isn't my own. Nothing feels right and social situations are the worst. I can be talking to someone and be thinking about how it doesn't feel like me talking. I have these crazy constant thoughts that im losing my mind and I'll never be ok again. I feel so detached from reality and my life at this point. I used to look forward to things and coming home to take a nap and now my mind is a constant mess of thoughts and worry. I'm scared of my bed, taking a shower, and the car ride to work is a wreck everyday. I constantly feel like I'm livinhg in my head with all these thoughts and that I'm just watching my life pass me by and thay I'm not in control. I sleep a few hours a night and every morning I barely make it out of bed. I'm close to losing my job because I can't get out of the house. I seriously feel like I'm losing it and idk how to get myself back, everyday feels like a struggle and I've started having attacks about it because I know tomorrow will be the same. I used to be happy and feel like a normal person and enjoy life and my hobbies. Idk why this continues to happen to me, I just want my life back. When I start to think positive I end up having attacks again and start freakinh out trying to figure out why I've been feeling/thinking this way for the last month or so. Lately my thoughts are taking over me, sleep is inpossible and I feel life im losing my mind and this isn't my life. When I'm able to calm down I just freak out again because that doesn't feel normal either anymore.  I hope someone takes the time to read this and can relate or help me out. Thanks everyone.
9 Responses
1222076 tn?1423027749
Hello I just read your posts. I can relate to you I have been dealing with a lot of health issues for years (stomach and ongoing heart palpations) and recently my anxiety has came back causing more symptoms. It just keeps piling up. Im 26 a mother and I have been in a relationship for 2 years so its really hard for me to even feel like doing anything. I try to go out and enjoy myself anyway because I dont want to be a prisoner. For weeks I wouldnt even go to Walmart because everytime I went I had severe panic attacks. I just dont feel like myself anymore. Even while riding in the car I would suddenly freak out for a few mins. I just wish my life would go back to normal but I dont really know what normal is anymore. My symptoms vary depending on my days but theirs a ton of them. I know their not all anxiety related but either way I dont know what to do about anything. I have been to so many doctors over the years with not much help. She did give me some meds thats for depression but can help with anxiety as well Im scared to even take them. I havent ever took depression pills just a few anxiety meds that just turned me into a zombie and I slept it off. If you havent already maybe you should get back on your meds and your most likely having all these problems worrying about your girlfriend not willing to work it out. That alone can cause a lot of stress and anxiety but eventally as time goes on you will get to feeling better regardless of what happens. I have been thru all that as well. If you are still back on your meds you might need to go back to your doctor and get on something different or up the dosage you might be getting immuned to your current meds. Goodluck I hope everything works out for you!
Avatar universal
Thank you for the response, I agree with you on I don't even know what's normal anymore. The thiughts are what scare me, before my heart would race when I was having attacks. Now when I have attacks I just can't control my thoughts and convince myself I'm crazy over and over again. It's miserable and I was to just sit in my house half the time, but then that doesn't even help. It's hard to get out of bed everyday but laying in bed just makes my mind race even more. I'm back on my meds now but they can take up to 8 weeks to take effect. I've also been prescribed xanax to help with bad attacks. I went off this medication in the first place to avoid being a
Zombie so that bugs me too. Everything's jsit crashing down on me at once.
1222076 tn?1423027749
Yeah I know what you mean on those horrible thoughts. I was going thru a lot when I started getting like that. My dad was in and out of the hospital for kidney failure and I was always alone with my son then I just got those racing thoughts during the middle of the night I couldnt sleep over it but I wasnt actally having an attack then I read thats a common symptom of anxiety and I got better and was able to go back to bed. The next time my dad went into the hospital was the same day I had a severe panic attack when I was alone at Walmart when I found out my dad was going back to the hospital I just broke down. I wasnt myself that day at all. My family kept coming over checking up on me and my bf stayed over later to make sure I was ok. Thats when I went without going shopping for a few weeks but even when im at home I will just start feeling anxious for no reason and I get heart palpations daily that happen randomly. It will beat fast or pound skip beats or flutter but my heart doctor couldnt find anything which the day I went in I wasnt having any problems. Hopefully you will start to get to feeling better once your meds start kicking in and you get things settled with your relationship.
Avatar universal
Still not feeling much better at all, everyday has been getting worse. I wake up in attacks everyday and it's getting impossible to
Function at work properly. I feel like I'm going to lose my job and I already feel like I'm l
Avatar universal
Still not feeling much better at all, everyday has been getting worse. I wake up in attacks everyday and it's getting impossible to
Function at work properly. I feel like I'm going to lose my job and I already feel like I'm losing my mind. The thiughts just don't stop from the time I'm awake until I sleep, I can't relax or feel calm. My doctor gave me xanax for bad attacks but I don't want to become addicted to it since I've never needed it before. I've never been this bad before and I'm scared ********. He said I have depression and adjustment disorder. But I honestly feel like I'm losing it and I've convicned myself that
1222076 tn?1423027749
Im sorry to hear that I have to work tomorrow and when I work I hardly ever feel right. I get headaches and dizzy it makes me feel anxious. I use to never get headaches now its almost a daily thing. I have had days where I wake up feeling anxious or like Im going to go crazy. I cant stand it. Im scared to take my meds but I have been able to go shopping again now I think it just depends how I feel and my days but its a start for me. I know im still not fully better. Xanax is addicting so if your feeling like that all day you probably should go back to your doctor or get a second opinion and ask if you can get switched to something else non addictive. Usually anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and people who have never had it dont understand how bad it can be.
Avatar universal
I'm pretty new to this forum but not new to the symptoms you'll are experiencing, I to have gone to the ER many times with HR of 140 and over, chest pains, dizziness all kinds of crap. I had MRIs, blood works, spinal taps, stress tests, EKGs, echocardiograms, I think I have exhausted every avenue of course I've also gone to a psych doc that put me on anxiety meds and also depression meds, who wouldn't feel depressed after all this crap, the first time I had one of this panic attacks/fear attacks it scared the hell out of me   I thought i was gonna die but now I know what it is, there is a book that I came across that really helped me understand what was going on with me and I'll post the web address its a PDF, read it as soon as you can, this will save you a lot of money and stress of course I don't recommend that you don't go see a doctor but all of my tests were always normal and it just drove me to a point of hopelessness until I read this book, its free, All this fear is such a torment but if you learn to recognize where it stems from then you can find freedom.If you've been under a lot of stress and stuff that could be part of it, I was going through a lot of issues when I first had this happen to me and I'm still recuperating it takes a longtime for this to build up until our bodies say no more so you will have to be patient for your body to recover since it did not get to this level over night, also I highly recommend to relax and meditate with soothing music shut your mind up and breath in and out deeply and slow do this everyday for at least a good uninterrupted 15-30 minutes. I'm not totally healed but i'm feeling better than I was some years ago I also take my depression meds I used to wean myself of off them but I would start feeling bad so I just continued to take them, hope this helps.

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/At%20Last%20A%20Life%2024%20July%202013.pdf  
Avatar universal
Did you ever start feeling better? I’ve started feeling this way recently and as sad as it sounds it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one
Avatar universal
Wow i posted this about 4 years ago, I'm glad that it's helped someone, I did start feeling better-with time i got stronger and my confidence slowly came back - i stopped resisting the panic/fear symptoms, at first it was so hard and i thought i would never get better, but i have. I can’t say that I’m at 100% better but I am a lot better than I was from the beginning, I could say that I’m at 85-95% better. I also read another book titled “Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes”. I recommend it. The other book I had posted was titled “At last a life by Paul David” which also helps a lot with helping you find your way out of this torment. I hope this helps.
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