Please Help Me, Can You Relate? Anxiety/Marijuana/Depression

[Heelzs]

Hi I am in desperate need of advice and would kindly appreciate anything to help, If someone can take the time to hear me out it would be appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

A little background about myself, I am 19 years of age, male, happy childhood, shy in highschool, got into smoking weed at age of 16, been in realtionships, have had my ups and downs in school, graduated and currently in my first year of college.

In April of 2014 after returning from a family trip from down south I was eager to get high with my buddy, after a quick smoke in his car I returned home fine and went to bed, suddenly I began to expeirece to what I came to learn was a panic attack, my heart started pounding, sweating, overal feeling of this is the end etc. the following day I was still shooken up and terrified of the fact that I didnt feel like myself, that I was disconnected. This experience made me quit pot cold turkey and I have been since that night, fast foward to months ahead, I have visited my doc and phys prior to that night and have been somewhat diagnosed with Anxiety and was put on Cipralex 20mg. For months on end I felt so deppresed and anxious always question myself 'is this is what my life is going to be like forever', am I going to be happy again?, am I going crazy?? (I read up on the whole schizo/marijuana usage as a teen and to this day i am still anxious about this). I would just like to know is this normal? am i in risk of my biggest hear of loosing control :( looking for someone who can relate. My mother has suffered from depression in the past aswell have members of her side of the family but no phycosis. Over the last year I have gotten better but still live with the everyday "what if?" thoughts, I search the internet for illnesses and compare them to myself, most recent has been schizotypical personality disorder and it got me worked up enough to make this post. I have been quite anxious since college started I tend to keep to myself and get nervous while around big crowds unless im drunk, realizing how socially weird I have become makes me worried that im loosing my mind, I dont want to end up crazy, I love my family dearly and would hate to loose the overall sense of love and meaning, so I ask whoevers out there please put my mind at ease lie to me and tell me Im going to get better and grow into a loving sane person, im just so stressed out :(

[Bdrsuperstar]

Heel, happened to see your post and felt compelled to reply. I could have written your post. Exactly what happened to me...in 1977. 35+ years later and I remember it like yesterday. You are not "crazy," nor are you going crazy. There is an old saying:  neurotics build houses, psychotics live in them. You are building houses - a hallmark of an anxiety disorder.  We monitor, examine and react to every thought that enters our head, and we manufacture fears and imaginings so we live in a constant state of "what if."  The fear of "losing control" is constant. Panic is always just around the corner.  Alcohol is an effective drug for this, but temporary, prone to abuse and the side effects are a *****.  Works in a pinch, but not a good long term solution. Same with anti-anxiety meds.

After that night, I spent the next 25+ years dealing with anxiety and panic disorder on a daily every moment basis. I vowed I would press forward by any means necessary and not allow it to limit me. It was debilitating no doubt but I managed to survive. I studied and read everything I could. Went to lots of therapy, learned and practiced various coping methods and skills. I learned an enormous amount about myself and became very insightful. Despite my personal growth and professional accomplishments, anxiety was my shadow, my constant companion. I just accepted it as my reality.

10 years ago, my doctor put me on lexapro. It changed my life. My constant companion was simply no longer there. It could not summons anxiety even if I tried (and we do try).  I was left only with this knowledgeable, insightful and genuine person I had worked so hard to create.   I was truly free.

I am old now.  I sit here reflecting on what was, living what is and content without knowing what will be. I never went "crazy,"  neither will you.  

[Mrebecca3444]

Awe your fine its just anxiety and only anxiety i had the same exact experience. You will have anxiety for quite a long while but i need you to remember "its all just anxiety" breathe. It will go away but itll be a long time.

[Del822]

Sometimes after one panic attack it can feel like your whole inner self loses it. Your constantly worried now about the what ifs or i feel a little funny is something happening to me. I've had bad episodes smoking marijuana in the past and sometimes it's just not for certain people. Considering you have been smoking and it was just once it happened im sure it was a fluke thing and the panic attack made you see another side of life the worrying side. The most important thing i followed was just take life one day at a time. I don't think you have another problem besides anxiety. I hope you feel better and keep us posted for support!

[TinaTaldi]

I used to Lovvvvvve smoking the Herb...I did it for a numbe for years and in spite of the anxiety I would get from it, I didn't want to give up the wonderful awe inspiring high. I'm not saying that pot can lead to anxiety in a general sense, but for those of us who have a propensity to anxiety it most definitely will! Pot never made me feel lazy or dumbed down...even if I smoked indica I would still end up feeling hypomanic and highly perceptive to everything. It would give me energy and highten all my senses. Which included anxiety symptoms...no bueno. Eventually after a few years of regular use I did go on to develop a chronic anxiety disorder and OCD. I also now have to contend with a tendency towards hypomanic behavior and which all ultimately leads me to Major Depressive symptoms...did I stop smoking pot right away? No...I carried on for some time and occasionally would smoke...but now, I know to stay away...for me and my predisposition had I stayed away from it from the beginning I would be better off. Just be careful to intervene early before you develop a chronic (no pun intended) condition where you'll be needing psych meds to stabilize you.

[Paxiled]

Many people get their first anxiety attacks while stoned.  Welcome to the club.  Rather than put on a medication of it I would have advised you to find a therapist who specializes in anxiety treatment so you could prevent it from becoming a chronic problem.  What happens is, you get anxious, and then you start expecting to be anxious again and so you do.  Marijuana tends to bring out of us things inside.  I would still find a therapist in the hope you can learn overcome this type of thinking early on.  Good luck.