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Severe anxiety and Depression.

Hello all,

So about 10 days i stupidly had sex with a sex worker after putting all of this behind me. It was protected however the condom broke and i was exposed for a maximum of 3 minutes or less. After the event i asked her about her health status to whcih she repeatedly told me no problem no problem. The next day i messaged her also and she said I am no problem. The lack of different words in her case is due to her lack of knowing english. Anyways i go to my std doctor, who tells me not to worry too much and that statistically i am safe. I even went on a well known paid std forum where the doctor who has 30 years of experience in the field told me the same, saying the chance she has hiv is unlikely and even if she did and was untreated the risk is still low about or less 1 infections per 1000 exposures. I even went to the extent of asking the doctor if i could expect negative results to which he replied, "As I have already said, your risk for acquiring ANY STI, including HIV is very, very low.  I anticipate that, should you choose to test, your results will be negative, proving that you were not infected." I have even gone to a paid doctor service(Justanswer) multiple times about 10 or more where all the doctors have said the same thing. I asked the lady in question through a second number that i had after she blocked me due to being persistent and she said she is fine,doesn't have any problems and gets tested every 3 months. Still not feeling convinced at this point btw by the doctors or the lady.

Now my problem arises here. The thought that I will be the "less than 1 per 1000 exposures" guy has gotten me really worked up. Since this has happened i literally count the minutes and hours of the day waiting for it to reach 11pm to i can sleep. Well attempt to sleep really. I can only get about 3hr before i get up in the middle of the night. an hour of pacing later i fall asleep just to wake up again. I am barely eating or socialising and it shows on my face as my parents just had a long chat about if anything is troubling me. The pain I felt when i lied to them and said nothing was troubling me, is worst pain i have felt in 27 years of my life. To make matters my whole extended fam is in town and this has further peaked my anxiety, that THIS IS IT, IM DONE FOR!

Anyone have any advice on how i can proceed with this, cause at the moment i am fighting the demons inside me
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Avatar universal
First of all, if you have an anxiety problem generally, you need to address that in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety.  You don't say where you live and if that's available to you, but a chronic anxiety problem has nothing to do with a particular problem, it has to do with the way you think.  If you have one phobia about getting STDs, you might be able to fix that yourself by working on it but even there you might benefit from a therapist.  Now, as to your present situation, I'm going to wonder if your condom actually broke since they almost never do and a lot of people come on the HIV site here saying it slipped, it broke, etc. when it actually didn't.  So the first question would be, how do you know it actually broke?  How do you know exactly when it broke?  So that part may be part of your phobic thinking or it could have happened, you could be one of the rare times that does happen as it isn't never.  If it did break, go get tested.  Why not?  Why keep asking when no answer will settle you?  If there's any even minute chance you got exposed and it's bothering you this much, getting your anxiety fixed will take time and you need to live in the meantime so again, go get tested, assuming the condom actually did break.  You'll get your negative test and be done with this occasion while you proceed to find help for your permanent anxiety problem.  The fact you don't need the test, well, you're not accepting that.  With time of course you will eventually forget it but you won't lose your anxiety generally.  Now, I do have to tell you, you can't rely on anyone telling you they don't have an STD.  They may not know.  They may be lying.  Paid sex workers are very high risk because they have sex with lots of different people and often don't have the choices the rest of us do to say no.  Which means, if you have a phobia about STDs, why are you seeing sex workers until you fix that problem?  If you just have sex within a relationship, if you want, you can always insist both you and your partner get tested before engaging in sex.  You can't do that with a sex worker.  But the main point here is, if anxiety is running away with you, you need some help to get back to being you and not being your anxiety and that's what therapists are for.  Peace.
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Avatar universal
Hi paxiled, Thanks for your opinion. As I read through your post, i would just like to add a few things if thats alright. Firstly, in terms of the condom breakage, yes that did happen , not once but twice. The main reason for this was the lack of lubrication. Secondly, in terms of testing, I do plan on going for it as that is the only option of knowing whether i have it or not, on my terms basically. This is due to the fact that as part and parcel of living in said country(the one with worlds largest,biggest things possible-easy guessing now)you have to have mandatory health checks every 2-3 years to keep your legal status. A positive result of said checks, means within 2 hours or less of the results, you are dragged out of your house or wherever you are, handcuffed, taken in the back of a police car tot he airport and out on the first flight out. HIV considering all the 'progressive' things they announce and do, is still a major taboo, only spoken of in whispers. If the result is a negative result, alls well that ends well right.! But the tiny thought of it being positive, me having to leave my family behind forever in humiliation and disgrace is whats gotten to me. Yes I do agree with you that sex workers aren't the most trusted sources of information. It was a major MAJOR lapse in judgement when i decided to do this and has quite literally put the FEAR OF GOD in me, vowing never to do this business again.

The conclusion that i see, to this whole saga is when i get close to the test, I am going to tell parents about this. I know its gonna hurt, but it would be FAR worse if i went behind their backs, did the test, got a positive and then just hit them in the face with ton of bricks with the news.

Also in terms of therapist, they are available but due to the christmas break and nye it not easy getting a hold of someone, unlike the western world.
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Avatar universal
Above answers are very well informed.  I will only add that do not worry. Nothing will happen
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