I just wanted to let this out....
Lot's of you who suffer through anxiety, know how frustrating it is to feel good for a long period of time, then have a bad spell.... it's very disappointing...
I've been anxiety free for about 6 months, til about a couple of weeks ago... evil anxiety popped it's head out again...
What triggered it was a skin blemish that showed up on my face for about a week and didnt seem to go away... I thought it was skin cancer, ended up not being that... but left me with anxiety.... that then lead me to have a stiff neck... which ive never had that symptom before with anxiety... and it scared me, thought it was cancer or something... went to the dr. again... and he said it was positively caused by anxiety...
Well, he put me back on Lexapro 5mg.... and ive been on it for a few days... hoping it will kick in soon...
But, what I really wanted to talk about was my family... and how appreciative I am of them...
You see, I just got a new position at my job this year... about a month ago... I'm getting paid wonderfully, and I get to do what I love to do, video production. I also, just moved back into my home a couple of months ago, that just got refinished b/c we had a house fire 5 months ago... So there are lots of changes that have taken place.... change is good... but it can cause anxiety I know... but I really think my EYE SCARE really triggered this one... now I'm just in a loop of fear... and the fear is feeding off of itself...
I have no appetite, which makes me worried, b/c I gotta eat to live... I am making myself eat... but it's so hard... i bought protein shakes to help out. I know I will get my appetite back... I have to know that. Ive been through this before. Im also really pacy... can't seem to sit still for too long... and it just stinks...
Well, today I got off work, went to the gym... and then started heading over to my mom and dad's to visit... I called my mother to let her know I was coming over... she asked me how I was doing... and my emotions just let go... I started crying really hard... and told her not very good... and told her I was so tired of feeling so anxious like this... she assured me everything would be okay, and I will make it through this, just like I made it through my previous spells.
It felt SO good hearing her say that. I got to their house... and just walked to her back yard and looked at the lake.. (they live on a bluff that overlooks a beautiful lake) and just cried my eyes out til I couldnt cry anymore.
I went inside, and my parents hugged me... and I just cried some more... they are so loving... and I'm so thankful for them.
My older brother then came over, and him and I went for a drive... we had a great talk about the Lord... and I cried with him too... I love him so much...
We came back to my folks house... and my brother gave me the best massage ever... not many brothers out there would massage their brother... but my brother doesnt care... and he loves me so much, and i love him so much too.
After that, I drove home, and just prayed to God... and told God to take control. I know he will... I really want to devote my life to the Lord again... I know he's real, and I know he's capable of many many great things...
God want's us to feel better. God will lead all of us in the right direction.
So even if you are at your lowest low, cry out to the Lord... and let him take over.
Jonah, in the Bible was at his lowest low, until he cried out for the Lord for help. And the Lord saved him from the belly of the whale. Jonah’s story teaches us about obedience, willingness of spirit, gratitude, compassion and God’s patience and mercy. It's a good read. =)
I'm feeling so much relief tonight... I think I'll actually sleep well... and I think I'm going to start feeling better very soon.
Thanks to this forum too!! Thank you all for your support as well!!! =)
WE ALL CAN BEAT THIS. =)