Terrified :(

[Flippykick]

Hi, I'm 25 yrs, I have a long term partner who I had just recently been overseas with. The last two nights we were in Amsterdam and I made the very foolish mistake of going off on my own to a couple of gay bars. I just wanted to have a bit of fun, it was meant to be harmless but I was drinking quite a bit. I ended up open mouth kissing some guys and received unexpected oral sex. My choices and the possible consequences of my actions hit me the very next day and  I'm feeling so ashamed and I hate myself for being so selfish and despicable. I'm terrified that if I end up catching hiv, I'll have to leave him, I'm so scared of giving him something. (I haven't touched him like I could before this.) I don't want to hurt him, don't want to give him any reason to think he's the problem (he's really not). It's been just over three weeks since possible exposure and, nurses and drs I've spoken to tell me it's low risk but since that night (the next day) I've been really sick and now that the flu has gone, I still am experiencing sore throat, achy muscles on one side of my neck. I believe it's not looking good, I want to see dr again tomorrow, but I still have months to wait before I find out. I believe I had an ulcer in my mouth and possibly a tiny cut from stretching on my penis, I've told drs and nurses this but they say I'd have to be pretty unlucky. I'm scared that it's quite possible I could actually be that unlucky. Should I be worried? If I survive this, I've really learnt my lesson and I never want to take my bf for granted again. :(

[birdie0907]

Many people on this forum think they got hiv from oral because of body aches and mouth sores etc. but they never post back years later saying they did get it, so you are safe.
You can also read this thread which is the same issue you have. They don't have hiv but their imaginations make them fear it because the anxiety makes them over-analyze their body. You will also find a nurse's advice that you can't get it from oral so be sure to read the entire thread.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Anxiety/Why-cant-I-let-go-Please-help/show/2073933?personal_page_id=890501

Afterwards try to accept that you don't have a disease and have nothing to worry about. People get anxiety for various reasons. I am not saying it is easy for everyone to accept that their anxiety is unfounded, but you have a big advantage in that the thing that worries you is not possible to have happened.

[remar]

We have a great HIV forum here at Medhelp. I think you should post your question there also. The people are very knowledgeable and caring. The Drs are right. Your chances of getting HIV from receiving oral sex, from what I know, are non existent.