Terrified I abused a childhood friend

[Question2023]

This is going to sound weird but here goes.

So when I was a young child (pre-teen years) for some reason I had a fascination with feet. Don’t ask me why as the things disgust me now. Which is probably why what I’m going to post is bothering me so much.

I suffer from anxiety and have been having an intrusive thought something that happened when I was around 7 or 8 years old.

I was having a sleepover at a friend’s house (similar age to me) and when we went to bed I must’ve asked him if I could tickle his feet and he said yes. So I went under the sheets and started touching and tickling his feet. The bit that really bothers me is that for some reason I then licked his foot! I know how weird this sounds and it disgusts me now when I think about it. It lasted for about a second, he said “was that your tongue?!” And I lied and said no. Then we went to sleep and it never happened again. We remained friends for a while then drifted apart as we got older. I don’t recall being aroused or anything by this experience, it’s just for some reason at that age I liked feet!

I’d forgotten any of this happened for 20 years but it popped into my head one day and I was so disgusted with myself that I can’t let it go. No matter how many times I tell myself I was just a stupid immature kid and we’d both probably forgotten it happened and it’s been over 20 years I’m now having thoughts like I’ve traumatised him and abused him. I’m some sort of sicko who needs help etc…

Do you think the anxiety is just blowing this entire thing out of proportion? I’m terrified I’ve abused him and keep having thoughts like I’ve scarred him and myself for life

[MBear01]

Dear One, you did nothing creepy or abusive or harmful.  What happened in that moment as a child was incredibly benign. Yes, your anxiety is blowing this way out of proportion.  Do not waste anymore time beating yourself up for some false sense that you committed a "wrong."  

[del677]

Happens to me when i get depressed i can start obsessing over something that happened eons ago.

I rationally know it's not helpful, but emotionally it seems like a very important event i need rectified.

I just saw a video which suggests it's like a smoke detector giving a false alarm. Not useful; however, we evolved to tollerate false alarms, because the one time there really is a fire, it's so important to have that alarm go off. We'd rather have false alarms than occasionally miss one real alarm that saves our life.

That Dr's opinion was it's normal to have false alarms, to brood over something we know is useless to obsess over. The emotion is a false alarm. It's a real alarm, but we recognize it as false and unhelpful. Yet it happens because of the benefit we gain from that one time it's a real alarm that saves us.

Youtube video: "Why hasn't evolution eliminated mental disorders?"

[Question2023]

Does it stop eventually?

[Lavondag]

I do not believe at all that you abused your friend. A child of seven or eight years old that’s just natural curiosity, and quite silly to be honest. But as far as abuse, I just don’t see that. The fact that you have been beating yourself up over it is very sad to me. I suggest you reach out to a counselor and let them help you work this out because I do not believe that you did anything inherently wrong. Please let us know how things go once you have reached out for help. You can speak with a counselor online if you prefer not to do it in person. I highly recommend you take this step to relieve yourself of your fear and anxiety over some thing that happened so very long ago.