The loss of someone i love... :'(

[southerngirl124]

Hey everyone. I just lost me Nana December 5th and i am still finding it hard to deal with her being gone. idk i called her everyday 3 or 4 times a day sometimes more depending on how she was feeling that day. Well when my granddaddy passed away November 18, 2009 she fell apart and started giving up. She ended up with Non-Small Cell Lung Carcinoma. (very aggressive lung cancer.) her cancer would spread in 3 months, she has it spread to her lymph node that surrounds her airway, main blood vessel to her brain, and her esophagus in 3 months after diagnosis. The Radiation Doctors decided to 15 treatments of radiation to her lungs and her lymph node. She finished radiation and we thought she was doing better. She ended up in the hospital for dehydration. She wasn't eating and so we decided as a family to put a feeding tube in her tummy. We eventually put her on hospice and she started declining. Her breathing got very labored and fast. I was in her room when she passed away. I cant get that day out of my head. I miss her soooooo much! i just feel different with out her here. Can someone give me some advice. Thanks.

[mammo]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Nana.  You are still in mourning as your loss is so recent.  I know the world feels different, almost as if someone dimmed the lights. But you sound like you are a wonderful granddaughter, and I'm sure all your love and concern comforted your Nana.  It's times like these that make us question so much, especially "why?"  Write to your Nana and either keep the letters in a journal or you can dispose of them, what's important is getting these emotions out onto paper, it is a form of release for us. She knew you were always there for her, take comfort in this and in the fact that she is no longer suffering. Live a life that would make her happy and proud.  You being happy means everything to her!  All of this will take some time, so be patient with yourself, and take one day at a time. It will get easier with time, but she will live on in you.  There will be times you will think of her and smile, other times you'll cry, and that's okay. There are no words to ease your pain, but I hope knowing others understand and care....helps.  I know you're heart is breaking, but it will get better with time....I promise. I will keep you in my prayers, and big hugs to you.

[slim_runderpants1009]

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss, you being there also must have been hard. I feel that your flashbacks of the day could have something to do with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Which usually occurs after a distressing event such alike the death of a loved one. If you would like any further details of the disorder feel free to PM me. I feel that you would benefit by seeing a counsellor or therapist to help talk about it and how to deal with your feelings. I feel that you may just be in the bereavement stage (it may not be PTSD you would need to go to the doctor) in which case people helping and supporting you to talk about your feelings would be beneficial. I know how hard it is, but try to find a distraction, such alike going out with friends, family, drawing, movies, music etc.. Just to take your mind off of it for a while as I know how hard it can be when things come into your head. Surround yourself with people and talk to them about it. I am always here if you ever need to talk.I send my condolences to you and wish you all the best for a recovery.