1353681 tn?1387083733

Tips to not feel panicky in New places with new people?

Whenever I travel with people , especially NEW people I don't know, I get very anxious. To the point where I've declined going places with others now for a few years. (unless I meet them in my own vehicle). I don't want to feel this way anymore. I get panicky that when I go in someone else's car, and in a NEW place, with new people too, I feel trapped. Like I can't voice what 'I' need or want. I believe it stems from having VERY low self esteem; I was taught and bullied by my mom to Never voice my own opinion, and she took others' side over me In EVERYTHING. Even when someone was rude to me she'd defend THEM, and have me think WHY they may have been rude. So , I'm coming from a foundation that I don't feel even human some days. I don't feel I have a 'right' to many things that most do. I'm so tired of feeling scared of going to new places for a fear of feeling trapped; like I need to escape. If I'm going in my own car to meet someone, I'm ok, but MOSTLY if its someone I already know. New people, and new places, make me feel quite nervous, panicked, and I avoid it almost always now. I don't travel because of it, and It's making my life really small. I cry because I don't even date too. For fear of feeling panicked, but also for fear I'm not 'enough', BECAUSE of my anxiety- that it makes me tainted for a relationship. Any tips on how to heal feeling so nervous to go to new places/travel/new people????
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Anxiety has the same fix no matter how it manifest itself, and that is to get therapy from a psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety.  These days CBT is a form of therapy that is the rage.  But that does take some time, and when life gets completely out of hand, then one sees a psychiatrist for medication.  That won't fix the problem, but it can mitigate the symptoms.  Therapy is best because if it works you are cured, whereas there are as yet no medical cures for mental illness, but again, if your life gets so cramped you can't live it, medication is often necessary.
973741 tn?1342342773
I understand this.  I have had this as well as has my son.  My son has it in a major way as I've learned to cope.  My son has clinical anxiety verses just being anxious sometimes like me.  My son also deals with low self esteem.  It's really hard on him.  He learned when working with a psychologist recently that his mental health is all tied together.  That his depression/anxiety cause low self esteem and his low self esteem contributes to his depression/anxiety.  He's been doing something called dbt therapy.  Have you tried that? It's actually amazing to me how the strategies when used can help.  The key is to use them.  My son is very new to this and not great at using the coping skills or challenging his thoughts as of yet. But he DID have some things presented to him that has helped his self esteem.  I assume you work with a therapist?  https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dialectical-behavioral-therapy  

For me, I found that when I remember that no one knows what is going on inside your head helps.  I may be quivering with fear but people only know if I show them. So, I would play a part, act a role and it got me out of that self conscious state.  I also have learned that MOST people want to feel good themselves. They feel good when THEY talk.  So, I ask questions and listen to what is said and ask another question.  It makes people feel warmed to me.  And that facilitates my comfort level. I also have learned it is okay to relax my face (even smile) while observing others and that I don't have to talk much unless I want to.  :>)  
Oh, and if you have social anxiety, medication can be very helpful along with therapy.  :>)
Avatar universal
for me i hate taking pills as a solution and i would like to go down deep trying to understand why i really feel that way and try to fix it but of course anxiety is anxiety you cant control things when its there
If that works for you, great. But clinical anxiety is not like that for many people.  Medication and therapy are what they need in order to control it so it doesn't impact their daily functions in life.  No shame in it.  
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