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1310179 tn?1273580152

Unsure what to do

So I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to discuss what I'm about to discuss but here it goes anyway...
A bit of history first- I'm 19 years old, I used to suffer from depression about 2 years ago i was on medication and gradually weined myself off the medication and recovered successfully, have been fine since. Apparently i'm predisposed to depression as my mum has suffered it for most of her life and has always been on meds for it ever since I can remember. So anyway....

Just over a month ago I went out with a friend who is aquite into recreational drugs, we had a very big night and I made a few stupid decisions by taking multiple drugs at the same time. We started off smoking weed, had a little bit of speed, then took acid and then had pure MDMA and then smoked quite a bit more weed because it would be "good for the come down". I've done other drugs before, but never this much at the same time.The whole time I was fine until i experienced a really horrible comedown. I was extremely extremely paranoid, i was hearing voices in my head, my brain was making me believe delluded stories, one moment i was euphoricly happy and thought i was calming down then the next moment i thought i was going to die. I'm not exagerating, this was extremely terrifying and such a horrible experience I wish it on nobody. I had a panic attack at one stage when the car door was locked and I thought i was dying, i burst into tears and couldnt breathe properly, i could have sworn that death was creeping up on me. It hurt my head a lot but as soon as the door opened it was alright and i calmed down. At one stage i begged my friend to take me to hospital because i believed i was going insane and "stuck in the trip" but she was really good and made me understand that after i slept i would be fine.

She was right, after i slept i woke up and felt much better but ever since that night I haven't felt right. I cannot stop thinking about what i went through. It's always in the back of my mind, i always get scared that i'm going to fall back into that state again and that i've done some serious damage. I've been suffering from anxiety ever since and i've started to notice some of the symptoms i had before i was diagnosed with depression last time. I believe I smoke too much weed and understand this is contributing to the way i'm feeling a lot, but i smoked all the time before this big night and never felt this way it's only been since that night. I feel as though i have two voices in my head, one is telling me i'm crazy and going mental, the other one is being rational and just telling me that i'm ok and that it's all in my head. I get feelings of paranoia much more often now. I always think of the worst. I just feel like there is this big dark scary mysterious cloud following me everywhere i go just watching me and waiting to unleash itself in the form of a psychotic episode or something. I have also lost a lot of motivation to do uni work. I've started getting a random twitch in my eye which goes off atleast once a day, i don't know if that's related to it at all? But i'm just worried, i really don't want to fall back into bad mental health again, particularly after something so silly. I can't stop thinking about it and analysing my thoughts and i really don't want to go back on medication. I haven't spoke to a doctor yet because of the nature of the situation i don't know if i'de feel comfortable doing so, i know that's a stupid thing because it's their job but i'm not sure if it's worth it. Maybe i just need to give myself some time to get over a traumatic experience? I'm just really unsure what to do.

Can anybody explain to me what i'm going through? Should i just wait it out, or should i speak to a doctor?
6 Responses
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1283791 tn?1276818314
Acid causes anxiety and from the sounds of it you had a bad trip. I would completely avoid drugs including weed, because weed brought bad anxiety to my life. I used to smoke 10 blunts a day all day long and then one day the anxiety came and it was either quit someking weed or suffer with anxiety. Needless to say I stopped smoking and got on ativan as needed and it worked wonders. As far as your bad trip after 1 week you will start to feel more like yourself. Good luck to you,and dont beat yourself up about this you are young and u were trying to have a good time. Just realize the good time isn't worth the long term effects!!!
Helpful - 0
1310179 tn?1273580152
Wow, thankyou so much everyone for your great replies i wasn't expecting so much reassuring advice. thanks. I think when i book my checkup i will speak to my doctor about it just so i'm sure. Even just reading your replies has helped me feel better :)
Helpful - 0
370181 tn?1595629445
Since you have a hereditary predisposition to depression, and have now become very anxious about your "big night," I would urge you to see your doctor about these issues. Especially since they are beginning to affect your daily life and your work at school. It would be fairly easy for this to turn into anxiety if you don't get it resolved soon........and in  my humble opinion it's already heading that way since you're writing to an Anxiety Forum.
All but one of the other posters has suggested a discussion with your doctor and I again say this would be the best thing for you. There is absolutely no reason to fear telling your doctor EVERYTHING as first of all, you are an adult, and secondly, he is bound by HIPPA laws. He can not tell anyone what you've discussed.
Personally I think your anxiety over this is causing many of your symptoms. Talking with your doctor will reassure you that you aren't going "mental."
You may also consider posting this over on the Drug Abuse Forum as you will get some excellent advice and insight there.
But see your doctor............that will end this cycle of fear and anxiety.
I know this experience has taught you a very important lesson.
Do let us know how you're doing, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am also a recovering meth addict. I have been straight for over 20 years.  The combination of acid and speed can most certainly cause paranoia.  And it will take a while for you to feel right again, plus the more you worry, the weirder you are going to feel.  If you are really concerned, go to the doctor.  Believe me, they have certainly heard worse and they can't tell your parents, it's your medical information.   Remember this experience and learn from it.  But go forward, don't beat yourself up and worry yourself to death.  I quit smoking weed because it made my anxiety worse.  You may want to stop that too.  Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ok a bit of history about me I am a recovering drug addict for 8 years I was happily living on the streets sticking needles in my arm with any thing I could find to put in it if I couldn't find it I made it when I was a teen I too did acid weed etc etc I am now 40 and have been clean for almost 3 years. So in my opinion as well as unfortunate experience 1 you had a bad trip from the acid. 2 speed makes you very parinoid it as well as the acid can have this effect for several months arter being clean. 3 the symptoms
of the depression coming back I think is a combination of your fear of hurting your self permanitly (sorry suck at spelling) which I highly doubt that you did And the dope working it's self out of your system. These feelings in a perverse sort of way are a good thing they will pass but never if forget them Chances are that you won't fall into the trap of addiction. Also if you are truly afraid that you have harmed your self don't be afraid to talk to a doctor they Can check you out and reassure you of wether you have anything to fear or not. And don't stress about them informing your parents they can't do that. Good luck and keep clean from now on and you won't ever have to go through something like this again.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Acid causes bad hallusinations, and someone with anxiety shouldnt do it, because we obsess about things. just keep telling yourself its out of your system and its just your mind freaking you out. i wouldnt smoke weed either, i dont know about anyone else but it makes a paranoid.
Helpful - 0
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