Having a melt down today

[AO111]

My anxiety is severe today and I can't seem to stop crying. I feel terribly alone (which I'm not), helpless and hopeless. I feel like I'm losing control and that everything is falling apart (even though it's not). I feel so afraid but there is nothing to be afraid of. Yeah there are the normal stresses of life but it's no reason to feel the way I do! I've had this happen before. It seems it happens once a year in fact, usually in the fall. I just completely lose it for a day or too then I'm fine.

[Paxiled]

That could be it.  A good therapist could help you draw it out if that is it.  But from your description, you might have found the reason.

[AO111]

Much better than yesterday. I had a few episodes of anxiety and crying but they were very mild. Thanks for asking :)

[libbie123]

How was your day today?

[AO111]

Paxiled, nothing traumatic has happened in the past that I can remember but I often wonder if something did happen and I blocked it out. Now about 5 years ago in September my husband and I lost our first home and had to move out. He had the idea of us going to stay with his grandmother and schiczophrenic uncle for awhile until we got on our feet and found a place. I didn't want to live there. It was a bad environment for me. It was dirty and I felt uncomfortable around his uncle and felt I had no privacy. I started to drink and the amount of alcohol I drank steadily increased. We only lived with his grandma about 9 months but I continued drinking for another year and a half after we moved out. Now I don't drink and don't miss it at all! I'm not sure if that whole situation could be considered traumatic enough to trigger these attacks in the fall or not but I don't recall having severe periods of anxiety in the fall prior to living there.

[Paxiled]

Did anything bad happen to you in the past at this time of year?  Such as a loved one dying?  Sometimes anniversaries of trauma bring out this stuff.

[AO111]

Yeah I've been to therapy a few times but it's something I can't really afford if I'm not working. I do plan to work in the near future so therapy is something I'd definitely get back into

[libbie123]

Yep. Sounds just like how i do things. Being anxious about one thing and then that snowballing into full blown panic. Have u ever seen a therapist? I have just started and i have good feelings about it. Talking things thru does help, even for someone like me who doesnt open up about whats going on with me. I hope u have a good support system, it makes a big difference. May i suggest if ur not too panicky, maybe tomorrow get out of the house and go on a walk or sit and people watch! Whatever u can do to distract urself. Good luck, positive thoughts ur way.

[AO111]

I was feeling a bit better earlier but I can feel the anxiety creeping in again. I also feel physically horrible. For some reason I always have periods of heightened anxiety in the fall especially in Oct. This may sound silly but now that it's dark outside and drizzling rain I keep getting this anxious and foreboding feeling like something is coming to get me or something of the sort, it's a bit hard to explain but I keep feeling panicky and like I'm about to lose control for no reason. My husband has to go to bed soon and go to work tomorrow and the thought of that is already making me anxious because I don't want to be by myself.

[libbie123]

Btw, very good advice cj29.

[libbie123]

Could be. Maybe thats all it is. I know that you are not supposed to cold turkey those meds. Even u just breaking the dosage may have thrown u out of whack. Good luck. Ill try to check back to c how u r. You' re welcome btw, a lot of ppl on here try to belittle ppl and their problems or act like they know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING.

[AO111]

Thanks for the kind words. It feels like I'm going through SSRI discontinuation syndrome but I've had it before and it usually starts out mild for me and get worse over time. I forgot to take my Celexa on Sat. and I went to take it yesterday but only had one left so I took half then and half today. (hub is going in a bit to get my refill) It just doesn't seem that SSRI withdrawal would hit this severely and this fast.

[cj29]

Remember, there are always ups and downs with anxiety.  As in life, some of our days are much more challenging than others.  Quite often we become our worst critics when we are going through a 'rough patch' from time to time.  Just realize, as you said, you are not alone with this and don't be too hard on yourself.  You are dealing with it and that takes a lot of courage to just confront it in my book.  

[libbie123]

I just went thru what ur going thru. Cried today for about an hour. Hang in there,( i know is cliche, ) but just do it. Could be a panic attack. It will pass, i promise. Fall may be ur " trigger" for ur anxiety. Crying to me is beneficial.

[AO111]

Also when I have these melt downs I feel like there is something horribly wrong or out of balance in my life. I know there are a few things I can change about myself to make my life better, like getting a job to lessen financial stress and anxiety and take steps to manage my anxiety better but other than that there is no reason I should have feelings that my life is horribly amiss. I sometimes feel like a scared little girl that needs people to hold my hand and take care of me.