When I think, I'm really thinking outloud.

[lisalopes]

I'm not quite sure if I should be posting this under anxiety or not but this is my first time here. If I could post under mental health I would. Uhm, I guess my question is was is wrong with me? For about a year and half now I have been making involuntary sounds and talking what I am thinking out loud. I don't know when I am doing it and I don't hear myself. I found out because for about a year and a half now I have been getting strange looks whenever I am out in public by myself. One day I was walking home and I noticed that people were looking at me strangely again so I decided to record myself on my cell phone so that I could listen to it later to see if I was saying or doing something strange. When I listened to the recording I realized that I was whispering out loud what I was thinking to myself in my head.

For the record, I am not stupid or anything like that. I have been accepted to Humboldt State University for Fall 2010. I was accepted last year for Fall 2009 to UC Davis but all the strange looks I was getting gave me panic attacks and then agoraphobia so I couldn't go to Davis.

I am wondering what is wrong with me?

I've seen a therapist and I have told her all of this and more and she doesn't really help me. She just keeps saying, "Well we can keep talking about this in our sessions" and that just isn't helpful to me.

What is wrong with me and what should I do?

Thank you in advance.

[RubyWitch]

I talk to myself out loud all the time and no doubt I've also gotten some mighty strange looks! I think a great many people talk aloud to themselves and I believe it is perfectly normal.
Are you simply "talking" about regualar stuff, trying to get yourself organized, perhaps even having a bit of an arguement with your "other" half about why you aren't going to paint the living room bright red, reminding yourself that you need to stop at the store, that your English prof is a jerk for giving you a B on your last paper? This is very normal "self talk!" I believe that as our lives get more and more complicated, the need to verbalize things grows and sometimes we are the only ones around to talk to.
But I'm not  crazy. Nor are the millions of other people who talk to themselves and neither are you.
.

That you have developed panic attacks and agoraphobia because of all the strange looks due to you talking out loud, COULD possibly indicate a more serious issue. But since you are able to attend university without problems, then your agoraphobia is very mild, and the talking to yourself, which I repeat is very normal, could simply be an indication that you're overwhelmed with your work load which may include a part time job as well as your studies?

If you feel your therpist is not helping you I suggest seeking out a different one. It is often difficult to find the right fit with a therapist, but once you do find the right one, it's well worth the effort.
Perhaps you might want to consider seeing a p-doc. I believe that sometimes they are much better at cutting to the chase. Just my opinion.
Since you are concerned about this and it has obviously affected your life, then you need to seek help, but keep in mind that you are NOT crazy and in fact, are probably far more mentally healthy than those giving you the odd looks for chatting to yourself.

Greenlydia  

[RubyWitch]

And I took offense to YOUR recent note! I spent a great deal of MY time responding to your concerns in what I thought was a personal, compassionate and encouraging manner.
But what happens frequently on this forum is that someone will write us with information, but they leave out some fairly "significant" details. A bit of a red flag went up when you said, in regards to discussing this with your therapist, "I've seen a therapist and I have told her all of this and more.........." It was that bit about "AND MORE" that gave me pause. What you had written up to that point was intelligent and lucid, but I've been fooled by that before. In a half-arsed attempt at humor that I THOUGHT you were mature enough to appreciate, I made the joke about wearing a "tin foil hat." I did not mean it seriously and I'm sorry you took it that way.
I treated your post with respect and your concerns with empathy..........that I made an error in judgement about your ability to handle the humor, I apologize for.
Greenlydia      

[RubyWitch]

I talk to myself out loud all the time and no doubt I've gotten some mighty strange looks! Perhaps I'm old enough now that I don't care what anyone thinks!
I think a great many people talk aloud to themselves.............I know in the grocery store I've listened in on some very funny one sided conversations. But I hear those conversations only when I stop talking out loud to myself. Department stores, pharmacies, resturants.............name just about any place and you'll find people talking to themselves.
Are you simply "talking" about normal stuff, trying to get yourself organized, perhaps even having a bit of an arguement with your "other" half about why you aren't going to paint the living room bright red.............or are you talking to little green people or see dead people? I believe that as our lives get more and more complicated, the need to verbalize things grows and sometimes we are the only ones around to talk to. (What do you mean by "involuntary sounds?") I know I make all manner of odd sounds and no doubt there are times when I sound like a pig on the truffle trail.
But I'm not stupid , nor am I crazy. Nor are you.
I think, personally, I would find another therapist.
One thing I would like to ask is when you say that you've told your therapist "all of this AND MORE............." Is there, perhaps, something else we should know. Are you wearing a tin foil hat by any chance? Batting at things that aren't there? In other words, is there more to your story than simply carrying on conversations with yourself?
That you have developed panic attacks and agoraphobia because of all the strange looks due to you talking out loud, could possibly indicate a more serious issue. If you are able to attend Humbolt without problems, then your agoraphobia is very mild.
If you feel your therpist is not helping you, then you don't trust her. If you don't have absolute trust in your therapist, you need to find another one as you will get nowhere if there is no trust.
Perhaps you might want to consider seeing a p-doc. I believe that sometimes they are much better at cutting to the chase. Just my opinion.
So yeah, since you are concerned about this and it has obviously affected your life, then you need to seek help, but keep in my your not crazy and in fact, are probably far more mentally healthy than those giving you the stink eye for chatting to yourself.
PLEASE let us know how this all pans out, OK?
You're gonna be fine with a little tune up.
Peace
Greenlydia