Overwhelming fear of HIV

[sportyone]

I like so many others on here have posted in the Medical forums and been told I have nothing to worry about-BUT, when someone has OCD or other mental blocks which make it difficult to move on-it is the worst. So here is my story, I had not done anything with anyone other than mutual masturbation up until 2 1/2 weeks ago when I met a guy and we kissed, I rimmed him, and I fingered him while he completed himself. I have kissed a couple of other people but NOTHING more. I posted on a few forums and was told NO risk. I went to my doctor for something else but explained and was told she had NEVER seen or heard of anyone contracting HIV from rimming/fingering. Then I went to the STD clinic here and was told they have never seen anyone who has contracted HIV from rimming/fingering either. They did a Rapid test which was Negative-but that only measures 3 months ago. They also include the NAAT which gets sent to Health department but actually detects the virus-not the antibodies-within 10 days of exposure. I get that result the beginning of next week but I cannot get out of my head that it will be coming back positive. And like so many others on here I have searched all over the internet and that is only feeding my fears. How do I get through the next few days. I feel like I am going crazy. I appreciate and feel for all others that suffer the fears too-only we can understand. I wonder why when professionals who are much more informed or trained than me tell me I have nothing to worry about but I just can't. Thanks for your time and if anyone has some good coping skills or techniques I would be willing to try it.

[sportyone]

I just called to set up a appointment with a new therapist and they gave me an analogy I think might be helpful. I am similar to a fearful flier. Even though all the aviation experts  may tell me how safe it is, even though I may see all the statistics showing that it is safer than driving to the airport for the flight, as I fearful flier I cannot or will not believe for whatever reason. This has seemed to comfort me for now and I look forward to my first appointment with this therapist.

[sportyone]

I appreciate your time. One final question, is fingering considered to be anal penetrative sex? If not, how come? Thanks again

[Julie359]

sorry but realised you are indeed a woman and have not had any sexual intercourse.  Anyway by reading the above you get the general gist of what i'm trying to say.  

[Julie359]

Hiya well, personally i would say if you have such a fear at the moment of HIV/STD's etc.. then you really need to sit and think about what actions while performing love making really trigger the anxiety.  For instance, if performing oral sex on a woman causes you intense anxiety but you find that in the swing of things you keep doing that, maybe cause u really enjoy it at the time, then you need to find a way of performing oral sex but in such a way that makes you feel safe, ie; you can find in sex and erotica shops or online vaginal sheaths that cover the whole area of the womans genitals and allow you to perform oral sex but not actually come into contact with her bodily fuilds....same prinicple as a condom.  You can also use finger condoms to perform anal insertion without fearing you have contracted anything.  These ideas will alow you (for the moment until you find the right therapy and therapist) to enjoy sex without having a mental breakdown each time afterwards.  Plus in my opinion anyway it is a good habit to get into using other protection other than the normal condom, especially if you are somewhat adventurous.  So just a thought and different view on the situation.

[waterchild]

your freaking yourself out, i do it all the time. today my fear is my throat swelling up so that i can not breath :/

[sportyone]

Thanks again. I hope I may ask one more question. Is fingering someone not considered penetrating them? What is the difference between putting a finger in an anus as opposed to a penis. Thanks again for your help. You are GREATLY appreciated. I now have loose stools/diarehha but am wondering if that could be because my doctor just put me on prozac to try and help with obsession/OCD.

[RubyWitch]

You're welcome.........anytime!
And if you're driving your therapist crazy.............maybe you should find another one? Or don't let him drive! LOL
Do some "head-work" and you'll be fine!
Peace
Greenlydia

[sportyone]

Thank you so much for your response. I truly do appreciate your time. I do feel I need help with my OCD. I also totally agree that the internet is the worst thing that makes fears-rational or irrational-even worse because they normally only discuss worst-case scenarios. I tend to drive my therapist crazy with this obsessions I get. Thanks again for your time.

[RubyWitch]

The HIV Forum you obviously went to here (the "move on" was a dead giveaway) gave you the right answer. NO RISK! Your doctor gave you the right answer. NO RISK! The STD clinic gave you the right answer. NO RISK! And now, I too, am going to tell you the same thing, You had NO RISK!

There are three ways you can contract HIV:

1) UNPROTECTED anal/vaginal sex with an HIV+ partner
2) Sharing drug works with an HIV+ person
3) Mother to unborn child

You did NOT put yourself at risk by rimming/fingering or kissing! There was no penetration. HIV is an incredibly "fragile" virus and air will immediately kill it as do the enzymes in human saliva.
Having OCD you will now probably begin to worry if you perhaps had a small cut on your finger or your partner may have had a small cut and if his blood got in your cut or your blood touched his blood...............STOP! Even if there was, you were still at NO RISK!

The only postive way to know if you are negative for HIV is to have the ELISA test at 12 weeks, (three months) POST exposure. But you had NO EXPOSURE so you do not need to be tested!
What you DO need is to get into therapy to learn to deal with your OCD! I really can't stress that strongly enough.
You also need to stay off the Nets symptoms sites as they will do nothing but fuel your fears.
And lastly, you really need to get yourself educated about HIV! Call the local HIV/AIDS Hotline and request literature. Talk to those folks, ask questios. Contact the National HIV/AIDS Education Assoc. and request literature. If there is a Gay/Lesbian Counseling Center in your area, go there and get some counseling!

OCD is the ONLY thing you need to deal with.
Please get the help you need so you can stop putting yourself through this kind of hell.
I wish you the best.
Peace
Greenlydia