Just wondering about cylical panic...AND I heart nursegirl

[jlroesner]

OK, so I'm reading the posts, relating to about 99% of them .  When I come across the post from the member who is talking about having PA every night around the same time.  Of course this intrigued me because there is also a definite pattern to mine, which shifts over the course of time...  So nursegirl says:  we subconsciously "train" ourselves into these cycles.  We worry so much about another PA that we unfortunately make it a reality, no matter HOW hard we try not to.

Just like the person who had a PA in the grocery store.  As hard as they may try to go in that store without another problem...chances are eventually they will relive their worst fear again.  Yours is more of a time issue rather than a place.  Years ago when I was having horrid panic attacks, one early am attack scared me so bad that I began worrying and stressing every time I opened my eyes that it would happen again.  Our minds relate those sensations to those things...time of day, places, people, foods...you name it...the triggers are different for us all.  I ended up making my fears a reality and for a long time until I dove into therapy head first, I had horrible PA's every morning.  The harder I tried not to....the more it became a reality.  It's the panic cycle."
How have I, an esteemed self-proclaimed tireless researcher of panic and anxiety never have heard of such a thing!  I thought it was just me...  I thought it was only me!!!!  Only me that for a month or two at a time I can tell you with clockwork precision when it has reached a certain time because I always have a panic attack then.  Mine is often in the evenings too.  Usually around 5 -7pm...  But, I've also been known to flip flop to every Wednesday, etc...  Anyone else?  Does this happen to you to?

[jlroesner]

Gotcha.  So, after years of therapy and years of being religous to my meds, how in the heck does one stop the cycle?  How do you re-train your body in to realizing the trigger has passed?  How do you teach yourself to respond appropriately to things?  Like I would love to feel a little nervous about something.  But, I don't do anything half-way.  I'm either not going to feel anything or feel terrified.  And here's where the hopelessness comes in.  Seriously, I've been having these PA for 19 years!  19 years!  That's a long time.  I'm reaching the point where more than half of my life has been spent battling this.  I have seen so many good therapists.  I have seen great psychiatrists.  I have joined EA.  I have meditated and changed my diet.  I have journals galore.  I've tried all kinds of meds through Dr. supervision.  I have faced and felt my tragedies, owned my responsibility, made peace in the best capacity I could.  But still, it's here.  And I don't want to accept that this is how the rest of my life will be.  Because I remember life before.  I remember freedom, and I really really liked it.  I remember not worrying about everything.  So, please, please, tell me how to stop this cycle.  I would like off this rollar coaster.  :)  

[nursegirl6572]

Well, thanks for the kind words.....I heart being hearted!  LOL

This is what makes forums like these a GODSEND for people with anxiety...those "A-HA!" moments, things that even though we may have guessed, or even been aware of through research, therapy, etc.....the reinforcement of reading another person write "tales" that YOU could have written about your very own anxiety is like a HUGE weight off your shoulders.  It makes us feel not so alone, and reinforces that those things that scare us so badly really ARE anxiety, son of a gun!  :0)  My favorite saying...."It's JUST anxiety".  HA!  That may be true.....but many of us would rather stick hot pokers in our eyes than EVER feel a twinge of anxiety again....so pfffft to "JUST" anxiety.  Usually the only people who say that are people who have never HAD anxiety.

Ok, with one huge, horrid run-on sentence behind me....let me say that it was reading other REAL sufferer's tales and tips...even horror stories that made me accept anxiety so much easier and gave me the encouragement needed to face it head on.  I'm a hige believer in the "A HA!" moments!  

The basic facts with anxiety disorders are the same for everyone, despite how differently the symptoms present themselves.  There is an initial trigger for each of us...some being a very REAL tragedy, traumatic event, life change, etc.....and for MANY (and I even say MOST) of us...the initial anxiety comes out of the blue with us clueless as to what the "trigger" is (making it that much more scary....can you say men with white jackets?).  After that initial anxiety event...be it a PA in a store, while driving, an episode of chest pain that sends us racing to the ER.....and so on and so forth...the CYCLE is the same for all of us.  We FEAR the fear to the point where we basically, thru negative thinking, and anticipatory anxiety...make our worst nightmares come true (the reemergence of the intial symptoms..over and over again)...and round and round it goes til we can break that cycle thru treatment.

One therapist summed it up for me nicely...when speaking of a PA (which panic disorder is MY diagnosis)...a PA is basically like a fire alarm without the fire.  SOOOO true.  Even if the initial panic was triggered by a REAL fear or stress...the continued symptoms are all part of the cycle...and the fact that we can have a PA while sitting quietly in the security of our homes, or during the warmest, fuzziest moments is what makes it that much scarier to us.  It robs us of our sense of security and makes us question, well....everything/

This is why the trends (albeit it very different for everyone) make sense.  In the instance of PA's...some people have them like clockwork in the morning, lunchtime, bedtime...some after eating chicken wings....some in certain places...some when around certain PEOPLE...even while watching a certain TV show..ANY person, place or thing can become our cycle.  It's whatever we relate on our minds to those symptoms.  If you've had a PA while watching "Barney", then damn it if Barney doesn't become the scariest purple singing dinosaur on the planet.  Ok...so he's the ONLY singing purple dino on the planet....but you get the point.

We all get to the same anxious place the same way...the only thing that really differs is the details along the way...but we're all fearing the fear...fearing another attack, cuz let's face it...they STINK and are scary as hell!  MAYBE even scarier than Barney...who, for a LOT of people.....even those without anxiety...is pretty darn scary!

:0)

[jlroesner]

Excellent observation Alison!  I wonder how much of timing of regular meds comes to play?  

[Alisonj29]

When I was in a regular pattern of attacks, mine were always in the evening. Usually anywhere from 8 until midnight. I am sure if you checked out my hospital chart it would show 90% of my visits were at that same time. I would say they were defintely like clock work. That is so interesting that yours are the same. I wonder how much has to do with our circadian rhythm since other things like our temperature and blood pressure follow it.