Aa
fear of eternity
I am not sure where this idea came from, and why it consumes me so much and others fail to obsess over it like I do but I am terrified of eternity after death. I am not afraid of dying, but of eternity afterwards. Do we remain aware of things? This notion, even the idea of being in a happy place like heaven forever, terrifies me. Anything, no matter how good, that continues without end, is my worst fear, and thinking about it literally forms knots in my stomach and intense fear. I know that the answer to this can not be proven, and most would find relief in the idea of eternity, but it is my worst fear. Does anyone else share this fear? What can I do?
I want to try to convince you that this fear is completely irrational, because it's literally not possible. Let's think about the most common ideas about what happens after death from the different philosophical paradigms:
ATHEISM - Non-existence. This might be upsetting to some people for different reasons, but it's not an outcome in which you can suffer, because there is no 'you'. There will no longer be a consciousness where any upsetting thoughts can enter.
CHRISTIANITY (AND OTHER MONOTHEISTIC RELIGIONS) - I think the reason most of us developed this fear is because we tried to imagine ourselves in a heaven which was exactly the same as our current lives, but it's impossible for us to die. Time just goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum. Indeed, I think many Christians, Muslims and Jews still believe exactly this idea. The problem is, everyone else seems to see this as paradise, whereas we cannot see it as anything other than terrifying. No matter how beautiful the conditions, wouldn't we eventually grow tired of this eternal life, and go mad when we realise there is no escape?
Logically, this fear of ours cannot be 'heaven', simply because an omnipotent God would not create a 'heaven' where we could suffer. This suffering simply cannot exist in heaven, else it wouldn't be heaven. Does that mean all of a sudden I'm comfortable with the idea of eternal life? No, not really - it still terrifies me. But here's where faith in God is important. Understanding heaven is clearly beyond human comprehension. Christian theologians talk about heaven as a non-physical realm, outside the boundaries of time and space. Some refer to it as a state of mind, rather than a place. Can I comprehend a state of being in which time doesn't even exist? No, it's impossible. I just have to have faith that God would not allow me to suffer in heaven.
Sometimes that feels like a cop out, but I don't think it is. I try to think about the different levels of consciousness between an ant and a human. Can the ant even come close to comprehending the human level of consciousness? Of course not. When we are blessed with union with God, we similarly reach a much higher level of consciousness that is essentially unknowable to us now.
EASTERN RELIGIONS - In religions like Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism and Jainism, they have the concept of samsara, the birth-death cycle of reincarnation. When we die, the soul leaves one body and we are born again in a different body (human, animal, or even plant, depending on the religion). Where we end up depends on the quality of our actions in the previous life - karma.
I used to think this was completely crazy, but recently it's started to make a bit more sense to me. From pre-birth, our souls (or atman) found their way into our bodies, yet we have absolutely no conception of where they might have been before, or where they can go after. Who's to say I've not experienced thousands of different full lives before, and will experience thousands more after? Do I worry about all the lives I've had before, and start to get tired with life? No, because for 'me', my life started when I was born and it's impossible for me to understand myself before that. East-west philosopher Alan Watts gave some good lectures on this, if you're interested.
I'm a long way from being an expert on these religions, but if I'm not mistaken the 'ultimate' destiny of the soul differs between the different religions. In Buddhism it eventually reaches a state of perfect ego-less bliss and peace followed by final cessation (nirvana), and in Hinduism the atman just rejoins the ultimate higher consciousness, Brahman, and we experience a sense of complete and eternal oneness with all existence (moksha). Like with how I view the Christian conception of heaven, what this is actually like from a phenomenological perspective is literally impossible to comprehend. What's important is, once again, suffering is literally impossible in these states.
FINAL THOUGHTS - I don't want to change anyone's conceptions of religion if that's something that gives you comfort, what I wanted to drum home was that this thing that we fear more than anything else (an eternal existence that causes us eternal suffering, even in heaven) is impossible. In no religion or philosophy does it say that this is what will happen after you die. Yes, it's still terrifying to imagine it, but it will never happen to us.
To finish off, I like to think of the parable of the poisoned arrow from Buddhism. A monk is troubled by Buddha's refusal to answer any metaphysical questions (e.g. what happens after death, whether the universe is infinite). Buddha likens the situation to a man who has been shot in a sneak with a poisoned arrow, and demands to know everything about the nature of the attack - who it was who shot him, what town he came from, what the bow looked like, what the bowstring was made of, what the shaft of the bow was made of, where the feathers on the shaft came from, and so on. The man says "I won't have this poisoned arrow removed until I know all those details" - and so he dies with all of those things remaining unknown to him.
So, as much as you can, live life in the moment. Free yourself from the pointless suffering of worrying about something which is logically impossible. It won't be easy to re-train your mind, but I believe in you.
ATHEISM - Non-existence. This might be upsetting to some people for different reasons, but it's not an outcome in which you can suffer, because there is no 'you'. There will no longer be a consciousness where any upsetting thoughts can enter.
CHRISTIANITY (AND OTHER MONOTHEISTIC RELIGIONS) - I think the reason most of us developed this fear is because we tried to imagine ourselves in a heaven which was exactly the same as our current lives, but it's impossible for us to die. Time just goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum. Indeed, I think many Christians, Muslims and Jews still believe exactly this idea. The problem is, everyone else seems to see this as paradise, whereas we cannot see it as anything other than terrifying. No matter how beautiful the conditions, wouldn't we eventually grow tired of this eternal life, and go mad when we realise there is no escape?
Logically, this fear of ours cannot be 'heaven', simply because an omnipotent God would not create a 'heaven' where we could suffer. This suffering simply cannot exist in heaven, else it wouldn't be heaven. Does that mean all of a sudden I'm comfortable with the idea of eternal life? No, not really - it still terrifies me. But here's where faith in God is important. Understanding heaven is clearly beyond human comprehension. Christian theologians talk about heaven as a non-physical realm, outside the boundaries of time and space. Some refer to it as a state of mind, rather than a place. Can I comprehend a state of being in which time doesn't even exist? No, it's impossible. I just have to have faith that God would not allow me to suffer in heaven.
Sometimes that feels like a cop out, but I don't think it is. I try to think about the different levels of consciousness between an ant and a human. Can the ant even come close to comprehending the human level of consciousness? Of course not. When we are blessed with union with God, we similarly reach a much higher level of consciousness that is essentially unknowable to us now.
EASTERN RELIGIONS - In religions like Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism and Jainism, they have the concept of samsara, the birth-death cycle of reincarnation. When we die, the soul leaves one body and we are born again in a different body (human, animal, or even plant, depending on the religion). Where we end up depends on the quality of our actions in the previous life - karma.
I used to think this was completely crazy, but recently it's started to make a bit more sense to me. From pre-birth, our souls (or atman) found their way into our bodies, yet we have absolutely no conception of where they might have been before, or where they can go after. Who's to say I've not experienced thousands of different full lives before, and will experience thousands more after? Do I worry about all the lives I've had before, and start to get tired with life? No, because for 'me', my life started when I was born and it's impossible for me to understand myself before that. East-west philosopher Alan Watts gave some good lectures on this, if you're interested.
I'm a long way from being an expert on these religions, but if I'm not mistaken the 'ultimate' destiny of the soul differs between the different religions. In Buddhism it eventually reaches a state of perfect ego-less bliss and peace followed by final cessation (nirvana), and in Hinduism the atman just rejoins the ultimate higher consciousness, Brahman, and we experience a sense of complete and eternal oneness with all existence (moksha). Like with how I view the Christian conception of heaven, what this is actually like from a phenomenological perspective is literally impossible to comprehend. What's important is, once again, suffering is literally impossible in these states.
FINAL THOUGHTS - I don't want to change anyone's conceptions of religion if that's something that gives you comfort, what I wanted to drum home was that this thing that we fear more than anything else (an eternal existence that causes us eternal suffering, even in heaven) is impossible. In no religion or philosophy does it say that this is what will happen after you die. Yes, it's still terrifying to imagine it, but it will never happen to us.
To finish off, I like to think of the parable of the poisoned arrow from Buddhism. A monk is troubled by Buddha's refusal to answer any metaphysical questions (e.g. what happens after death, whether the universe is infinite). Buddha likens the situation to a man who has been shot in a sneak with a poisoned arrow, and demands to know everything about the nature of the attack - who it was who shot him, what town he came from, what the bow looked like, what the bowstring was made of, what the shaft of the bow was made of, where the feathers on the shaft came from, and so on. The man says "I won't have this poisoned arrow removed until I know all those details" - and so he dies with all of those things remaining unknown to him.
So, as much as you can, live life in the moment. Free yourself from the pointless suffering of worrying about something which is logically impossible. It won't be easy to re-train your mind, but I believe in you.
Like most of you here, I have suffered from this for pretty much all of my life and have never really talked about it to anyone.
I was raised Catholic (although I've never really had true faith, and consider myself agnostic) and the concept of eternity just absolutely terrified me. Every time I tried to contemplate it I would feel physically sick and paralysed. Then I'd try to stop thinking about it, but the Pandora's Box had been opened and the thoughts would return every time I was alone. I knew I could never talk to anyone about this - how could I inflict upon them the most terrifying set of thoughts that I could imagine? How wonderful it would be for me to go back to ignorance - I could never take that away from somebody else!
Throughout my teens I'd tire myself out before bedtime so I'd fall asleep as quickly as possible, or fall asleep with the radio on, because the thoughts were worst just before bed while my mind wanders. More recently I've completed a couple of degrees in Psychology to see if I could find any insight there (although I decided not to actually see a psychologist personally, again because I'm scared of 'infecting' someone else with this way of thinking) and found their approach lacking - CBT is all well and good for people who have unrealistic perceptions about the real world, but what we suffer with is something completely different. So I stayed in a fearful state, and it's had a real impact on my life, particularly when it comes to seeking close relationships (I avoid them as much as possible).
I'm 25 now, and up until recently I'd coped with this by just trying to keep myself so busy with other things that I don't think about it. As some of you will know, that can work quite well for a time - as long as you can avoid thinking about it, you'll be fine. However, it's not really a solution. I was triggered by something or other recently and had another similar panic attack, so this time I decided that I'd try to confront it head on. I'm not sure yet if that's the best approach, and I don't think I'm fully 'cured' by any stretch of the imagination. That said, I do feel much more comfortable about it now, and I can think about eternity without feeling terror - maybe it's my first step to a genuinely happy life.
In the next post I'll share the way of thinking that helped me to become less afraid - hopefully it'll work for some of you too.
I was raised Catholic (although I've never really had true faith, and consider myself agnostic) and the concept of eternity just absolutely terrified me. Every time I tried to contemplate it I would feel physically sick and paralysed. Then I'd try to stop thinking about it, but the Pandora's Box had been opened and the thoughts would return every time I was alone. I knew I could never talk to anyone about this - how could I inflict upon them the most terrifying set of thoughts that I could imagine? How wonderful it would be for me to go back to ignorance - I could never take that away from somebody else!
Throughout my teens I'd tire myself out before bedtime so I'd fall asleep as quickly as possible, or fall asleep with the radio on, because the thoughts were worst just before bed while my mind wanders. More recently I've completed a couple of degrees in Psychology to see if I could find any insight there (although I decided not to actually see a psychologist personally, again because I'm scared of 'infecting' someone else with this way of thinking) and found their approach lacking - CBT is all well and good for people who have unrealistic perceptions about the real world, but what we suffer with is something completely different. So I stayed in a fearful state, and it's had a real impact on my life, particularly when it comes to seeking close relationships (I avoid them as much as possible).
I'm 25 now, and up until recently I'd coped with this by just trying to keep myself so busy with other things that I don't think about it. As some of you will know, that can work quite well for a time - as long as you can avoid thinking about it, you'll be fine. However, it's not really a solution. I was triggered by something or other recently and had another similar panic attack, so this time I decided that I'd try to confront it head on. I'm not sure yet if that's the best approach, and I don't think I'm fully 'cured' by any stretch of the imagination. That said, I do feel much more comfortable about it now, and I can think about eternity without feeling terror - maybe it's my first step to a genuinely happy life.
In the next post I'll share the way of thinking that helped me to become less afraid - hopefully it'll work for some of you too.
People fear Eternity, but we won't spend it alone. If you believe in a everlasting afterlife then remember your love ones will be there as well. Also remember humans live and die on a timeline created by man, the human brain can not actually conceive the idea of a timeline that never ends. Don't be obsessed with Time, because time doesn't actually exist.
WOW. I can not believe it!!! I am literally in shock. I am not joking when I thought I was the only one who had a fear of eternity. I decided to do a Google search and found out there is a term to describe this fear called Apeirophobia. I read an article from The Atlantic called "Apeirophobia: The Fear of Eternity." Historically I have been too scared to tell anyone about this fear. I was too embarrassed and feared I would be mocked. I did tell a friend once and he laughed and couldn't believe I was scared of such a wonderful concept. I have OCD and it makes sense that this phobia would be related to my OCD. The panic attacks when I think about eternity usually come when I am in bed about to fall asleep at night or when I suddenly wake up at night. The idea really really freaks me out and males me nauseous. I am definitely comforted to discover I am not the only one. I don't feel so weird and eccentric now. However I don't fear the infinity of space of the universe. It actually continually fascinates me. It is an eternal afterlife that horrifies me. What happens when we have learned everything there is to know? Are we going to experience eternal boredom? Maybe our mortal minds just can't grasp the concept of eternity and maybe we will be comforted when we leave this mortal life into another dimension and have a clear understanding. Right now we are governed by time. But in the afterlife we may be omnipresent and thus past, present, and future will be at once.
So nice to know I'm not the only one! I only have these panic attacks since recently, I'm 37 years old and before this never frightened me. In fact I was always fascinated about the universe and the afterlife and then suddenly this thought about eternity popped up in my mind and it really terrified me and now I'm caught in thought loops many times. I know i should not think about it, but it just happens, especially when I read something scientific, or religious about eternity. I sometimes feel my life is ruined and can't enjoyit anymore, my interests have gone. Really awful and can't think of anything worse. I know this too is just a thought and at times I can snap out of it and enjoy life again. I know it's a condition and there must be a way out. Walking in nature and physical exercise sometimes helps to get me out of the mind and be more in the body, in the now. Sometimes I"m happy and wonder how I could ever had these panic attacks, they are just gone. It could well be it has to do with self confidence and trust, as this was always an issue with me. Maybe we must just accept we can't know everything and let go. Embrace ourselves with love whenever this happens... Thank you for these posts, it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
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This honestly made me feel so much better knowing im not the only one im 16 and about a month ago i had my first anxiety attack and now i get these thoughts every so often about things that make my stomach hurt and make me feel crazy. I used to love nature and the universe and now when i think about it i get sick.. I wish it would go away and sometimes ill be fine and then boom it comes back. I wish it was all over honestly
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