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fear of eternity

I am not sure where this idea came from, and why it consumes me so much and others fail to obsess over it like I do but I am terrified of eternity after death.  I am not afraid of dying, but of eternity afterwards.  Do we remain aware of things?  This notion, even the idea of being in a happy place like heaven forever, terrifies me.  Anything, no matter how good, that continues without end, is my worst fear, and thinking about it literally forms knots in my stomach and intense fear.  I know that the answer to this can not be proven, and most would find relief in the idea of eternity, but it is my worst fear.  Does anyone else share this fear?  What can I do?  
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Feebey: Your answer to it may help someone, but for me and many others like me, the tought of there being nothing for an eternity is an even worse tought than the tought of eternal existence. I have struggled With this for 15 years, and just recently I found out that exposing yourself for it actually helps. I have intentionally tried to expose myself for the toughts in the situations where I struggle most With them ( like when im going to sleep). I do not get so much anxiety when i dont hide from the toughts, but instead welcome them. I still think the Whole concept of eternity is...impossible or mind-fuc**ng though.  I REALLY RECOMMEND THIS GUY ON YOUTUBE: Ralph Turchiano  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pla70rn_xVc    

He has apeirophobia and talks about it in an intellectual way. He has so far posted 3 videos about it.
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I understand with complete totality what your going through. i remember the first time i concieved and realized the horror of eternity-even in a heaven- just as you have thought of it. i was nine. eating a sandwich. at night. it changed my life. made the universe a much more dreadful place. after fifteen years of dealing with it, i learned ways to move past it. look- the good news is this. Once your dead, your dead. i promise you. this universe is a relativly safe place. nothing exists that isnt nessesary. that is why there is no afterlife. becuase there is no reason-no natural, logical need for one. so rest easy. dont worry. the people who invented the idea of an afterlife, and those that desperatly want it, dont understand what you an i do. they are thinking from a simpler means. so take this fear as a tribute to your intelligence. and rest easy. enjoy your life. its all you got. and thats why it has any value at all..if we lived forever, then life would be worthless. pointless. It would be Hell.
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To me the thought of eternal life has no impact. In my head I see it as common sense that we simply seize to exist. Anyway, the thought of eternity still make me somewhat depressed. In eternity there is no God. In eternity nothing matters. Then I start thinking about myself, Earth then the Universe all objectively. We're so small. We don't matter. There's no meaning to life is as correct as the opposite. Depends on your mindset I guess. The meaning of life is what we want it to be.
But as I'm conscious about these thoughts, I simply see no meaning to our existence and one day the earth along with humanity will no longer be. Everything is meaningless is the thought I'm left with, and I feel like an empty shell looking objectively.
-Then I get carried away and think: IF we one day were to reach a new level of intellectuality and then truly were able to manage the thought process that it takes to understand the word infinite and we all knew the questions that we're asking now. A time where God wasn't needed. Would we be like empty shells looking at everything objectively? It's hard to look at things subjectively when nothing matters, when you're actually nothing. Enlightenment can be a curse I believe..
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For the longest time, I thought I was alone in having this fear. It's what woke me up in the middle of the night as a child, it's the whole reason I stopped going to church so I could avoid thinking about it. In fact, I've had to train myself to control my own thoughts to put up a "wall" once I've thought about it a little too much to avoid sinking into hyperventilation and panic. It still seeps in there once in a while though, and I'm back to that crippling thought of nothingness... Just blackness going on and on and on. And now this is where I leave you, as I have to build my wall now. Good luck to all :)
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Avatar universal
why is god a man? how can i believe in this concept when gender is a human construction .. makes no sense. Life is meaningless and when we die we die. That is what haunts me. why are we here. it is a nightmare ... a scream and we will not escape. oh my god, here comes the anxiety
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s my rply to lyn...
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