horrific mental images, please help me

Question

I am currently recieving treatment for PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. I was repeatedly sexually and mentally abuses as a child. My mental health has been improving greatly through CBT, journal wirting, diet planning and exercise, but i cannot seem to shift the horrific mental images that keep coming into my head, and have nothing to do with my abuse. i constantly see animals being killed and tortured, or the same things happening to people i love such as my little nephew, or my pets. these images are always graphic and detailed and very gruesome. i am crying and upset all the time and exhausted from trying to avoid these images coming into my mind. i feel guilty for having the thoughts, even though i know i would never hurt anybody and i am vegetarian. i really am at my wits end and dont know what to do about it. please help me. i have mentioned it to my therapist but we have nearly ran out of sessions, she has referred me to someone else who is going to help me relive my abuse.

sqrzy · Answer

I'm sorry you're going through this. If its you committing the horrible atrocities, you may have residual feelings of anger or loss of control prompting you to conjure up these images? I have been in CBT for 4 years and I have rid myself of the horrifying mental images and obsessions.

rghbog · Answer

Hi Salle?, 
                I too have and have had your symtoms. Been raped by multiple relitives at young ages. Then the conspircys. Relitives not knowing what I rememberd. Being treated like ****. I dont see any relitives now and for a long time. i finally in 1991 started taking antipych drugs, antidepressants and klonopin for panic. I no longer have panic. symtom relief is important since there is no sence in suffering. Eventually symtoms go away; 10 years. Also now I actively tell myself to shut up when I go there (abuse and conpiricy/stinking thinking). Being active in not letting myself wallow in the bad things has helped. I know that it is the same script, it does not change, it is in the past and cannot be changed no matter how much I obcess on it. So I tell myself to shut up. I give you a hug in understanding.

lilpersianangel · Answer

I have ptsd...for many years. While I never had that particular experience, I'm going to guess it might be one of these reasons:  Your mind might be using that 'idea' of suffering as symbolic of what you feel you went through...Or...you have suppressed anger (not specifically your nephew, but the idea of someone or some animal that is vulnerable and helpless and innocent)...Or...your mind is using the only imagery it knows of to 'act out' feelings that are hard to deal with conciously?  What if you try to, one tiny piece at a time, slowly address some feelings you journal about and ask yourself what is the main theme of those feelings? I know that the brain can simultaneously try to 'protect' you from being overwhelmed and then also try to process out unresolved thoughts, feelings, etc. that are overwhelming. It really is challenging to 'process' out experiences when we are helpless/powerless and feel safe. I know how difficult it can be. The next time you get one of those images, ask yourself if you feel like you are trying to 'reverse' that feeling of helplessness? Eventually they should fade away as you move through things emotionally. I am sorry to hear you are going through that. Also, perhaps try replacing those images with something less severe? Try distracting yourself if possible. I hope you feel more comfortable soon.

clyons11 · Answer

Okay, there's a lot going on here. To start-- I also have PTSD, depression, and anxiety (the depression and anxiety might actually be bipolar, but the PTSD is pretty definite). By the way, I'm also vegetarian :)

It seems like you know that although the images you see are not similar in content to the abuse you experienced, I would bet they're "connected." To clarify-- you're the one doing the violent things in these images? All of the time, some of the time? And do they happen in dreams or when you're awake.

I don't know if you want to tell me some more about what's going on and maybe I could be more helpful? Either way, you definitely want to stress this to whomever you next see for treatment because it is very likely connected, in my opinion.

Most importantly, try not to let them scare you (easier said than done!) and don't feel guilty. These aren't a reflection of who you are as a person, but of the way your brain is processing what sounds like quite a bit of hard stuff to deal with. My thoughts will be with you.