hi, ive posted on this before but still have a swallowing anxiety since june, have lost over 30 pounds since then and not getting any better. I have ruled out physical causes had barium swallow ct scan of neck with contrast and went to an ear nose throat doc who stuck a scope up my nose and down top of throat, he says after i tell him I take at least four benadryle a night to sleep that I probably have a sleep problems they say everything is fine. a couple of weeks ago I thought I was getting better cause I am able to eat crackers and cheese but since doing that it has become harder to eat the broth and stuff I used to and I realized I can eat them only cause I grind them to a paste so by the time I swallow more like pudding then solid food and I have stopped eating anything else used to eat pudding broth, etc now all I eat is crackers and cheese and liquids. I still see my therapist but its not helping me get better at all. lately im just feeling sadder about my life and my suicidal thoughts are worsening everyday. I feel like I haven't killed myself cause I am afraid to do that but like its only a matter of time before I do. I feel like people who relly wanna die don't keep saying how they think about it so maybe I wont, I wish I could do it but I also think everyone has a breaking point and I wonder what mine is gonna be. I keep reaching out for help going to therapy and whatever but im not getting any better and I don't understand why. I thought if you felt these things and went for help you would get better I never had considered the possibility that some people don't get better. I just don't know what else to do I keep asking for help and I don't get anything back.