Aa
inability to swallow solids
I have not eaten a solid food meal in more than 3 weeks. I have always had a fear of choking but about a couple months ago I got a persistent sore throat, urgent care told me it was post nasal drip causing it, so I was like so relieved. then a month maybe a month and a half ago I got really sick and lost my voice, I went to er and got antibiotics, my voice recovered, but my slight sore throat remained just figured my allergies.what also happened was I was eating a month or so ago and chocked on some salsa, I actually vomited, after that incident I slowly ate solid foods again but I was always terrified and was eating less and less each day. then there was a day my cat had this growth so I had a friend take her to the vet and we found out it was a tumor. since that day I have been unable to eat solid foods. I am absolutely terrified every moment I am awake I am constantly afraid that I have cancer or some awful disease and I am SO HUNGRY. I have already lost like 10 pounds in less than a month. im not sure if there is actually something wrong or if my anxiety has just brought me to the point where I cannot eat. my tongue feels uncomfortable in my mouth like it doesn't fit right, I feel like there is stuff stuck in my throat all the time, I am afraid all the time I feel like I am going to die at any moment. could all this just be anxiety? or am I really sick?
saw my therapist today and asked him if hed ever heard of not swallowing due to anxiety and he is like no, only with people who have eating disorders or something physically wrong. he has some weirdo psycho-******** idea that I wont eat due to some unconscious desire to kill myself. cause I for a long time told him about how I wanted to die before all the anxiety skyrocketed. I just keep having the feeling he doesn't know HOW to help me,so im like going in circles, I say you are not inspiring confidence in me right now I need to be able to eat. I just figured or I thought he would be able to help me more than telling me to drink ensure or start off with "soft things". well if I could eat soft things I wouldn't only eat broth n pudding now would I? he kept saying I can try to help you to help yourself, well that's all good and dandy but you know what he keeps saying oh part of you doesn't want to eat, well lemme tell you something ALL OF ME WANTS AN ITALIAN GRINDER RIGHT THE HECK RIGHT NOW. he just doesn't get it, AT ALL. I feel like im just wasting more time.
SO glad you got great news!
Honey, like I've said, you need some intensive therapy to work on your fears. Even if there IS a medical cause for your symptoms, you definitely are very fearful and anxious, to the point where it's starting to TRULY affect your health. Not eating isn't okay hon.
It's ironic, you're SO scared that something terrible may be wrong with you, but your fear is paralyzing you to the extent that you're NOT taking basic care of yourself which WILL lead to serious health problems.
You need to start addressing this psychologically ASAP, while you're waiting to continue your medical work-ups.
I feel for you....you're in my thoughts.
Honey, like I've said, you need some intensive therapy to work on your fears. Even if there IS a medical cause for your symptoms, you definitely are very fearful and anxious, to the point where it's starting to TRULY affect your health. Not eating isn't okay hon.
It's ironic, you're SO scared that something terrible may be wrong with you, but your fear is paralyzing you to the extent that you're NOT taking basic care of yourself which WILL lead to serious health problems.
You need to start addressing this psychologically ASAP, while you're waiting to continue your medical work-ups.
I feel for you....you're in my thoughts.
UPDATE: went to my doctor and got results from the barium swallow a lot of medical terminology, but all negative no tumors or as they call em no masses no blockage no hialtel whatever the hell they call it or anything at all really, radiologist just noted subject, which apparently was me, unable to take swallow without appearing to be in pain or some type of "spasm" I don't know what the hell they mean by spasm some weirdo medical spasmy terms. so that's good I don't have like esophagus cancer or anything, so one side of my throat stills feel swollen just one tonsil swollen no idea why, doc put in request for me to get a cat scan of my neck, once I can get results for that well I guess send me to ear nose and throat specialist. at doc office before they told me results my bp was like 146/ninety something, then they took it again after they told me results and was only like 120/ eighty ish. at first for like 30 mins I was relieved I thought ok nothing wrong just anxiety I should be able to eat, but then all the thoughts and fears and feelings of sore throat tight throat full on side of throat all come rushing in. my friend tells me she is sure it is an anxiety problem and I wonder if that's true but at the same time how could anxiety make a tonsil swollen or a persistent sore throat? how could anxiety make me so afraid to not eat any solid foods, I am losing a lot of weight, I started at like 188 pounds a couple months ago, today I am 169, in the last two weeks alone ive lost 7 pounds, some people would say this is great but I hate it, I am not into the looks thing as I stopped trying to have any relationships or wants of opposite sex haven't been on a date or anything for about 8 years now. I just keep thinking something bad is wrong like if I eat something bad things will happen, ill choke ill die I can t eat im so hungry I want to eat im just confused.
I know you're worried sick, that's normal! I wouldn't give ANY of those things a thought right now...it's all speculation. Until you meet with the doctor and hear first hand what the results are, don't assume.
I think you're going to be just fine sweetie.
I think you're going to be just fine sweetie.
I had my barium swallow test, got thru that fine, waiting till Tuesday to meet with my doctor to give me the results. pretty freaked out halfway thru the test radiologist asked me what side was the discomfort I said the right side, so now im wondering did he see something and was asking to confirm? Right side of my throat still firm. I don't know if I imagined it but I could have sworn I heard radiologist and xray tech say they saw a mass on the barium swallow, but I am so freaked out right now I cant remember if that was real or not. also saw picture when doing the test shows my esophagus open at the top of it, then gets skinny in middle then opens back up. is that a tumor? or does esophagus shape always like that?
thank you I am gonna really try not to think too much about it cause I was up all last night till 3am googling and it was HELL. your post made me feel better so I will try just to keep reading it so I don't freak out too much, will let you know what happens.
Okay, for one, (and I know this is WAY easier said than done)....try not to think the worst. It's actually a good thing that you're having a more thorough work up.
As for the thyroid possibilities, I'll give you some facts that will hopefully put your mind at ease a bit. While there are thyroid cancers, there is only ONE form of thyroid cancer that is very very bad, and it's extremely EXTREMELY rare. All other kinds of thyroid cancers are very easily treatable, even if not caught right away, with like 99%+ cure rates. Do I think you have thyroid cancer at all? Nope. But, just to hopefully put your mind at ease a little bit that even the worst possible scenario isn't as awful as you could imagine. Throat cancer would also be HIGHLY unlikely, especially for your demographics. Don't even give that possibility a second thought.
I think things are going to be just fine. I'll keep you in my prayers, and definitely update us when you have some news.
As for the thyroid possibilities, I'll give you some facts that will hopefully put your mind at ease a bit. While there are thyroid cancers, there is only ONE form of thyroid cancer that is very very bad, and it's extremely EXTREMELY rare. All other kinds of thyroid cancers are very easily treatable, even if not caught right away, with like 99%+ cure rates. Do I think you have thyroid cancer at all? Nope. But, just to hopefully put your mind at ease a little bit that even the worst possible scenario isn't as awful as you could imagine. Throat cancer would also be HIGHLY unlikely, especially for your demographics. Don't even give that possibility a second thought.
I think things are going to be just fine. I'll keep you in my prayers, and definitely update us when you have some news.
UPDATE: for once its not all in my head I have a lump on the side of my neck towards the front, middle of neck. dr says might be problem with my thyroid, but my tsh levels were fine. have to do a barium swallow next Friday to make sure not problem with digestion, then if that's negative which I think it will be due to the lump, will have to get ultrasound of my thyroid and neck, im trying to stay positive, but I am very worried I may have thyroid or throat cancer possibly, I really have a bad feeling about it, I wish I really wish it was just anxiety...
I have told my therapist but that hasn't helped much, we just talked about things leading up to me not eating. last I spoke with him I told him I thought I should find a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds to help me. I don't know why like he is not freaking out about this, im not sure if he thinks its not serious or why he isn't like trying to find some program that will help me with this, maybe he thinks I will just quit therapy as ive done before, but frankly I will just about do anything short of being committed to be able to eat an Italian grinder right now.
it is unlikely you will choke to death. We have been eating solids from childhood and have learned how to eat them expertly. By indulging these thoughts you only give them power and make them and the anxiety and fear stronger. Pushing them away also has the same effect, and also cultivates aversion. So just don't get involved. Observe objectively what is really happening. which is the process of thinking.
Have you told your therapist about this? This is definitely something you need to address psychologically. You have to be able to overcome the fear. The longer you don't eat, the worse the fear is going to get, not to mention the health risks of not eating the proper amounts of calories and nutrients.
I would start off with non solids such as shakes, yogurt, and ice cream. At your own pace work in solid food, a little at a time or in tiny pieces. Try to make sure you are getting nutrients and vitamins in your body with small amounts of fruits and vegetables, in a shake if needed. If you find yourself having a lot of anxiety, talking to a therapist can help as well.
thanks for the comment but I cant eat the worst that can happen is choking to death which is not how I am gonna go out in this life
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