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kewres

Am i being mentally abused,
my husband and i have been together for 4 years just over a year ago we married  shortly after moving home and the previous year had a baby.we came to his hpmetown where he grew up and i left my friends and family behind.me and my mother fell out over my husband as she didnt like him straight away.and accuses him of some really awful things .since then me and my mother only speak very breifly on the phone .i no longer feel close to her anymore and have noone to turn to.basically my husband .puts my motherhood down never agrees with anything i say .if i do something in the home or at our work place he will have a go at me and show me up un public and tell me ive done it wrong and hell do the job all over again .he calls me lazy tells me i never do anything .in the house or at our work to help as he has to do it all over again even tough i have spent a whole day trying to get it right.he has a go at me if i dont talk to him if i am down or have things on my mind and tells me to stop being selfish and thinking of myself.he leaves me feeling as if i say anthing wrong he will flare up ina temper .on two occassions he has slapped me hard accross the face he says its because i am shouting at him.wich is never the case i always try and talk .but if i say one thing wrong hell loose his temper at me .and i worry if hell hit me.h3e picks on my son froma previous relashionship.hes obsessive aboyut people telling him lies .and says he doesnt like it at all ..he has only just gone for help from the doctors for a drug abuse problem smoking canibis.as he has chrones disease he has always said it stop shim having stomach cramps and the symptoms ofr chrones .everytime he has had a break from the canaibis he gets really moody and is aggressive  an says some really spitful things to me .he nver says sorry for any of it and he never admits .hes in the wrong .everything always ends up being my fault if something goes wrong.when he hit me last i asked him to go and get help and get of the canibis.and since hes not smoked nit hes got worse .and blames me for him having stomach cramps and how terrible i am for making him give it up .all i ever feel is i am the one who is causing all the trouble.i keep questioning myself is it me or him.alot of my colleagues say that he has a bad attitude and is never willing to listen to anyone elses suggestions as even though he asks he already knows the answere ..i am so fed up with this whole situation ..i am gong to go away for a while to think things through but i dont think there is much lse i can do ..ive done my best to suppost him and even put my life aside to try and help him understand but also i dont feel motivated to do anything i want becasue he critisise me for that also.wich gives him even more reason to tell me how useless i am .i just need some advice and maybe comformation that this is him abusing me .i guess.if you can help .thanks xx
5 Responses
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361662 tn?1204235710
I agree with all of the above. He sounds like a very sick man. He needs help but only if he is aware that he needs help. Most people like him are in denial that htere is anything wrong with them. They want to blame other's for their own problems.

Would he consider family counseling? ???????????????????

It would be in your best interest to get away, stay with your mom. Go where you and your kids are safe.  Please be very careful.

If there is a woman's support group in your area, they may be able to give you some direct assistance. Help you figure things out. Most shelters will only take physically abused women, which is unfortunate.

God bless you and keep you safe.
Helpful - 0
370181 tn?1595629445
Pack up your kids and get the hell out of there RIGHT NOW! Go home. Your family will welcome you with open arms and the support and protection you need from this psycho your living with! His mental and physical abuse of you is totally UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't feel you can go home, call your local health department and they will put you in touch with people who WILL help you. There are shelters for battered women, which, whether or not you want to believe it, is what you are! Take out a restraining order on him, even tho I personally don't think they're worth the paper they're written on, but if he continues to harrass you after you have left, you will have that on file and it will help you in the long run.
If you stay and continue to endure his abuse, he will eventually have YOU convinced that you REALLY ARE stupid and useless and incapable of doing anything right and that you deserve to be abused! That he has ALREADY isolated you from your family, especially your mother, who he knows is the one person who can and will open your eyes to what he is doing to you and your kids, should send up huge warning flags in your mind. GET OUT while you can still obviously think for yourself and seek help. Ask yourself how he would react if he knew you had written to us? When do you think the slap on the face is going to turn into more "punishment" for YOUR failings? Please don't wait around to find out! You are NOT going to change him. He will need some heavy duty therapy to make that happen. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. BUT DO IT! NOW!
PLEASE keep us posted.
Greenlydia    
Helpful - 0
282042 tn?1213897154
Yes it is definitely mental abuse (and physical) I suffered like you for 10 years, and I was so down trodden that I couldnt do anything about it, I was on tablets for depression/stress/sleeping and I was so down I was unable to do anything about it, my boys were only 6 and 8 at the time and it was when I realised that they were being affected by it that I found the courage to get up and fight, which is what you must do,no-one should have to live like that, you are worth much more, you only get one life and you must make the most of it, dont waste as many years as I did.PLEASE do something NOW, you will get lots of help,  It does have an effect on the children, mine are now in their 30's and although they were very young the eldest does remember some of the events, and I do think that some of it rubs off on them. I always feel that they are not as secure as they could be, but maybe thats just me!!
Please dont wait any longer I cant b ear to think of you waiting as I did, I really regret it and wish I had acted sooner, although I just hadnt got the willpower to do it.
Find some courage, go and find some help and support and you will get through it,we are all  here for you.
Hugs.
It is certainly not you at fault and you must act now
Helpful - 0
212161 tn?1599427282
can i say GET AWAY FROM HIM. yOU ARE A PERSON AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT.but most inportant is your child should not live like that, what you are showing your son is its ok to live in this , its ok when you get married to do your wife like this, and he will. stop it now get ya out of that , you will be much happier. yes it will be hard to start with but you can do it . if you can get away fromhim who knows maybe you can get your mother back. move back to your home town and start living again. he cant rule you . dont let him and get your children out of there before they think its ok to do their spouce like that. God bless you and your children. ps hitting you in the face is uncalled for, no excuse for that, when you love someone you do not try and hurt them. hes bringing you down so he never has to worry about you leaving or being with someone . stop it now you have a lot of living to do and children who depend on you . theres always help out there .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
he is definately abusing you... but you must realise the problem lies with his own inadequacies (sp) and you are not responsible for his failings.

Do not be his blame hound, and tell him unless he gets treatment/therapy then you have no other option but to leave him.

Don't allow him to isolate you from your family.  I think you need some time away from him to evaluate the situation you find yourself in, and I pray to God you find the strength to stand up for yourself.

As I said previously, he is taking his insecurities out on you, and that is not fair by anyone's standards

good luck hun, wishing you well ((hugs))
Helpful - 0
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