please help..

[rod67hd]

I was diagnosed with GAD in 1993..I'm a 48yr old Wm..   I took valume and lorazapam for 15+ years.. a couple of years ago I decided to try n cope on my own and or natural remedies.I had my ups n very low downs.. it got really bad again this past spring n summer I completely withdrew locked my self in my home couldn't even answer the door or phone!! Every thing suffer mainly me!! This is truly a horrible horrible thing!!  finally found a Dr that was sympathetic or truly under stands the horrible life altering affects of GAD.. he prescibed me 2mg Zanx  3x day.just to tell you how much this disorder takes over my life. In a matter of days I was back to work. contacting friends I isolated from. as some quality of life returned I got real sick and was told I had contracted Rocky Mountain spotted fever from one tick bite 3 or 4 months prior.. i,was giving atibootics and told to get 100% bed rest.. I became extrmealy ill lost over 40+ lbs laying in bed the RMSF. Attacked my brain and kiddneys,. by the time with the confusion , lethargicness,I realized that I was probely dieing, and called 911,I was admitted to the hospital for 10 days of exsteam IV atibiotics, tests observation.. when I was realest the Dr that changed my lifestopped taking Insurance. And semi retired so when i,was able to see him and get my precipitation i,could no longer afford him.. Now this terrible GAD has returned with a vengeance I'm am locked in my home holding my breath can't go out side scarred to death of every thing the worst of all fears bombard my head can not take a deeo,breath relax what is that!! it's so bad I can't even,call a new Dr to try and get some help. IDK why fear of rejection. Fear of having ti,explain this horrible ****. Please help me some how!! I feel as Im loosing my mind, and there may be no rwturn ,I just really can't take all this again. My heart feels like it's going to explode

[breezytoo]

  The first time my anxiety got real bad, I was grocery shopping with my nine year old son. I couldn't go through the line! I was positive I would have a heart attack or lose my mind right there in front of Michael my son. Poor Michael couldn't understand what the heck I was doing, he was like "Mom, why are you leaving the grocerys here. "I don't feel good, I have to get home, I'm sorry" He wanted his goodies. The next time I got in my car and decided to go to the hospital even though I was sure they would put me in a loony bin. They didn't. This kind huge young black man with so much compassion sat down with me and took my hand and said "I know you feel like your crazy but trust me your not, you just have anxiety." ANXIETY? What the heck? and so on, the Xanax begins. It was like a miracle when I took that pill, like fifteen twenty minutes later I could "feel" the anxiety melting away!! Have a good day sweetie, glad your feeling a little better. Sometimes just knowing that we have a definite appointment with the doctor makes us feel better. I going to get my Ativan on Jan 3. My Norco on the 23rd, so at least I will be painfree on Christmas. I am very glad that knowing the Lord can bring you some comfort until you get your meds. Trust me I know exactly how ugly this ----can get. Wishing you peace and comfort today. OO Darla

[rod67hd]

Thank you very very much for your time and true caring, this is such a horrible disabling disease, I can look back now and see I've had this since child hood and it has had a profound and negitive affect in most of my life altering desisions.and I suffer clueless from ?? To 26 before I knew to or even new how to explain to a dr what I was going through!! So from 26 to 46 ot was 40mg volume and 4mg atavan a day pretty much keeped it undercontrol but That 20yrs and prior i was so clueless and Uneducated to what I really had how it affected, ruled,paralized,dictated and affected every aspect of my life.. when I said enough high dose pain meds n benzo's I gave up caffeine almost all sugar just to try n some control did pretty good with breathing, meditation my faith in our Father,Son and Holy Spirit but even with all that it finally got the better of me!!After 6,7 months of almost total isolation I went to a dr and laid it out. Why is that so freaking hare I was out of my mind with it the day of the Dr app.. he never hesitated to give me 2mg zanax 3x daily, a first for me with zanax but I'll tell you and everyone suffering who reads this so crazy .. my life 100%  totally changed that day I was back to work in a few days the friendships I abandoned and new ones were reunited and made I quite my job and started my own biussness and one for the werkends during the summer season and they both took off like crazy and profited greatly for first year buissnwsses. And boom like a ton of bricks. I've been locked in here going on three months this bout..I just can't God knows I don't want to suffer and have to live like this any more ot ever again. I'm such a out going social fun loving hard working good looking gifted man truly I am blessed in so many ways and cursed in one horrible one!! I can't even make myself go to church. Prob my favorite hr a week.. well ... I did it.. my God.. I called a dr and made a app, it's not till the 6th of next month I'm on the cancellation list. But I accually did it.. I prayed so hard yesterday for the strenth. And I'm here to tell ya.God knows when we problem really can't handle any more and when we are truly serious.when you have total faith in God and our Lord Jesus, when u truly need it and truly with all u are pray and with a true heart ask God has always my entire life prevaled and answerd my prayers and is always weather you know it or see or hear him is always by our side .. and I'm not trying to preach and or bang the Bible.. this terrible disease won't alow that, I'm just telling it like it is.. I have intentional or not left God's side he has not nore will he ever.. so I'm noway near out of the woods. I'm still suffering terribly,but I'm going to do my very best I'm truly getting fkn pissed off this **** has fkd up taking from me and destroyed so much of my life and my life is and can be so wonderful full of joy full of life it's really astonishing the true tragic n darkness how alone you can really be. And I don't even really know how I came on this page, and two complete stanger that know what we all suffer with and go through in our damn hard,frighting, Unbwarible lives when our anxity disorders, disease, blows out of are control wether it's for 15min or months at a time. These two people that I have no clue who they are. Fought through theres. And we're so willing n selfless to use there time to try to help me!! It's really amazing.. Its there stenth that gave me strenth the person yesterday a women I belive and the gentalman today and God's love for us I truly belive God holds us that suffer from this a lil closer, I am going to call a hot line, pathways, county heath. Who ever it takes to get me some help and relief from this fkn ****!! And when I do and get a bit if normality back in my life,I'm going to do everything I can to help those who suffer from This, from those who have it as bad as I and those who gave me such encuriging words ..No one NO ONE,deserves to suffer one minute and my God those like us that totally isolate them selves and have no family to see the hell we are in.. how long may some be suffering it could be years.. terrible terrible thing..  I am going to share a lil every day in my fight my journey my commitment to educate and help others that canot help there selves. To you two that cared enough to even try to help you did so much !! I thank you from the bottom of My heart !!!!!

[missbiss137]

So proud of you for making the call. The first step to regaining your life back which you will.

[breezytoo]

Hi there, I am going to try to help you, I am a Med Help member since 2008 and my main problems myself are managing pain and that horrible anxiety. So I know what you are going through and I going to try to help you to help yourself. If you are out of the valium and loranzapam?? then it's no wonder your are feeling out of control and so horrible. It's a horrible disease, or disorder to have. So you found out that your insurance ran out and you can't afford the doctor, right? I suggest that you go down to your county human services and see what help you are eligible for. I know, let's get you to open the front door first right? Do you have any friends or family that can get you to the doctor or Mental Health facility to see a doctor. How do you feel about that? If they could take you and stay with you?
Anxiety is the natural fight or flight response that our bodies have for use when we need it. Like when a true emergency happens we will have the adrenaline to run or whatever we need to do. You can slow down your heart rate and breathing yourself, but first you have to learn to relax! I know it's sounds impossible to you now but...the more you tell yourself things like ""I can't do it" or "I am freaking out!" you are unknowingly making it worse yourself. You need to bring out your artillery of RELAXING.
A warm bath and very s-l-o-w breathing, and telling yourself you are now in control of this. You are, you have to learn what works for you and take it on with a new passion, to change your life. Others have been exactly where you are and have taken back their lives!! Positively you can do it too! Please work on getting a ride to the doctor where you can get some help until you learn to do it yourself. I myself have kicked a Xanax habit, with and without help. Those drugs sure help fast, but trust me in the long run if we can do without them we are better off. You can get to a place in your program or new life that you don't need them. I hope you can get some help and feel better by Christmas, if you celebrate. If you have faith, ask for his help to, whether it's God or the universe or nature, please don't forget to use it. Music, Utube has free really nice relaxing nature sounds, they have helped me tremendously. It isn' easy but you can do it!! Please write back if you can and let us know how it's going? Good Luck, Peace to you!!