Help for Daughter with Asperger's

[awesomesadiesue]

Help!  I have a fifteen year old daughter who is developing quite a bit and refuses to wear a bra.  She has massive sensory integration problems.  We have had years of therapy, and yet, she refuses to wear a bra or underwear.  The just hurt her and she cannot focuso n anything else. Soon, the tantrum comes,,,and anyone associatd with asperger's knows the escalation.  We managed to deal with her period by using tampons, but are not coping well at all with bras.  I have donated at least 50 different kinds to Goodwill.  We have tried the shirts with bras in them, cotton sports bras, the tape on bras that some women wear when the wear formals, etc.  The school is coming down really hard on us-and to some degree, rightfully so.  They have a responsibility to protect her and no bra can be a bit provocative.  This is turning into a bigger deal by the day, and no amount of behavior modification can help-she just puts it around her waist at school or takes it off and hides it in her bookbag.  HELP!

[Aspiegirl]

Oh my. I wouldn't make her wear a bra. I am 45 and haven't owned one since I was a teenager. They are very uncomfortable to the point of extreme distraction. There is no logical reason to wear one. I am fortunate to be on the small side, so people are slightly less reactive. However, it has caused me problems. In graduate school, the manager of the university's gym addressed me after a complaint (from another female). She said I had to wear one. I asked her whether this rule would be applied to all people or just to females. When she said just females, I pointed out the lack of consistency (and lack of logic). When that didn't fully sink in, I made it clear that the university would face a lawsuit if they pushed the issue. They dropped it immediately. Your daughter is harming no one - not even herself - by going without a bra. If people have a problem with her lack of a bra, they should seek therapy to uncover the underlying issues behind that. I wouldn't ever notice whether someone is wreaking a bra. I don't stare at people's chests. It's surprised me how many straight women have stared at mine and complained. As I am small, it's not immediately obvious that I'm not wearing a bra. These people are paying way too much attention to other people's chests. I think that may be a more serious problem than what a woman is or isn't wearing under her clothing.

[Aspiegirl]

Above: "...whether someone is wreaking a bra..." should be "...whether someone is wearing a bra..."

[bridiemcg]

Try looking at the wonder tee at **************.com it is specially designed to not move around and feels comfortable without a bra. Only downside is there is no support for a growing bust. Have a look it's worth a shot. They do cami tops also.

[jillie4]

Hi!!   Have you tried an all cotton jogging bra?  You can find some that have very wide straps and wide backs so that it doesn't feel like it's cutting into her.  Also,  T-Shirt material bras can be very comfortable.  Maybe you can have one made locally if you can't find one in stores???  Get fabric together and take it to someone who sews and see what you can come up with..she can even help in picking out funky fabrics to make them with!!!!!!

[AmishErin]

My daughter is one month shy of being 14.  She wouldn't wear underwear from age 4 till about 2 years ago.  She also doesn't like bras but feels self conscience about her appearance without one.  (also very devoloped up top).  About 2 years ago I bought a terry cloth nightgown that ties at the shoulders.  She now has 7 or 8 of them which she wears under everything that she owns all year long.  She can tell if you dry them swearing that they feel different.  They fit her chest area kinda similar to a shirt with a built in bra.  My daughter likes the fact that they are longer than shirts.  She is about 5'5 and they hit her mid thigh.  I bet they could easily be adjusted to be shorter if your daughter doesn't want them to show.  But if she doesn't mind the length they do come in lots of colors and I have found myself thankful that they have Wal-Marts in every city and seem to sell these almost year round with changes only in color for the seasons.  I think my daughter likes the way they feel because they are terry cloth and constructed for night wear so they are less restrictive than simalar shirts we have found in the non PJ areas of the store.  

Good Luck!

PS have you had a hard time finding socks that she likes to wear??  

[aspiegrl22]

I hate wearing bra's too  they make my skin ich there is only one kind i like i only picked a kind i liked because my mother says i have to wear one. So you are saying that no rewards system workes with her? hmm. personally if i didn't wear a  bra that would be a change, i would  then be unhappy because i do not like change and do not want to get embarrased about the reaction other people would have.

[MJIthewriter]

This was a very difficult time for me too. I went through 5-th and 6th grade without a bra, but by 7th grade I had to get one... My size does not permit me to go without one. 5th and 6th grade were a violent time for me to get adjusted to my new shape that was forming.

It's ironic now, because I can't stand not wearing a bra. I don't like the feeling of my breasts touching my chest, so that means finding a sturdy bra that provides full support without lace and fancy stuff. Even still I seem to always find myself adjusting the straps to make me feel better.

[JollyHolly1221]

Bra shmaaaa!!!!!   I am a sped teacher and if she can't wear one...she doesn't have to...there is not a law that says a kid has to wear a bra...but to help, since it seems to bother you.......can you find a cropped crochet light sweater to cover over the outside of her clothes instead?  It is short and would not cover her entire upper half...or just a "wife beater" or men's tank top by hanes...they are thin and better than nothing...they need to lay off your daughter a be a little bit understanding of her situation!  I don't have a disability and HATE BRAS!  What about circular bandaids over her nipples...I do that when I have a backless dress...you must be careful and use vasoline when removing so it doesn't rip her skin off or make her raw where the adhesive was.  Good luck...the school should be ashamed for not being more sympathetic to her situation...bring her to my classroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bluebonnet1001]

Try  going to soma its a bra store but its quite new, I don't know if you will have one in your area . But i had pretty much the same problems as she is having now. I too have asperger's syndrome . I haven't been diagnosed with any sensory integration problems, but i think having asperger's  and being sensitive to thought's thing's go hand in hand.  I ended up being home schooled the last two years of high school. partially because of my problems with certain cloth's i just could not wear , but mostly cause of my lack of being able  to fit in with the other people my age . If she is have even half as much trouble as i did ,the last thing  on her mind is weather she is wearing a bra or not. My advice to you is to go easy on her listen to what she has to say, i worked very hard on fitting in , and i eventually learned to be able to communicate my feelings and thoughts so other people could understand what i was trying to say. But then i was in school it was so hard , and being forced to wear something i didn't want to made it even harder for me . i used to throw temper tantrums on the school bus cause i was wearing something uncomfortable, like a pair of jeans . now to someone else they may have thought it was nothing . but to me it was littaraily like being thrown in a wasp nest and being forced to sit there and behave. But i couldn't explain all that to someone back then . so listen to her i wish someone had listened to me , it would have maid my recovery alot faster. If her school dosen't understand perhaps you should put her in a new school, or consider home schooling. if that is in any way possible.

[Mozartcowgirl]

this is a hard one... wow..


there is only ONE bra i will wear. I have tried SO many.. I am 37.. and STILL have a hard time wearing a bra.  regular bras just dont cut it. i cant stand the way they feel. i hate anything tight.. and sports bras.. YUCK!  they make  me feel like I am bring contricted.  ok this is going to sound WAY out there. but.. oh well. you wanted to know.. lol

I got (found) my bra.. its OLD .. and they have discontinued it since. i have panic when i think about the fact that i am going to have to find something like it soon..

at.... Fredericks of Hollywood.

its cotton,,, it has water in it.. ( called a water bra) and its very soft.. non constrictive.

its not lacy.. its not hoo- ra... its not all flamboyant.  
here.. do this..

take her along.. have her fitted.. you do the fitting if she doesnt want anyone else to touch her.. take her to dinner..or lunch.. have her try on many. go to the mall.. eat at the food court.. or dont.. take her wherever she likes.. make a day out of it.. because for me. it takes that dang long .  i am NOT looking forward to doing it again. anyway.. let her pick it out..

if all fails.. then have her wear 2 t shirts under her shirt.  how severe is ger aspergers???  i need for you to give me more information.. so that perhaps i have a better idea how she could wear a bra.. or something else..

i dont wear a bra at home.. i cant stand bras.. i dont blame her.. it makes you feel like .. ecky.. like.. sticky.. or like..... ughh i dont know.. its hard to explain.. the one i have now is slowly taking a pooper... i have to get another one.. and its been discontinued.. they still have water bras.. but.. not ht esame one i wear.  they will have something similar..  so.. i think everything will be ok .

take her to vicorias secret.. take her to fredericks. they have much nicer bras..

wait. what size is she???????  

VS and FoH have very nice.. very soft.. out of the ordinary bras.. there are many that are not flashy and lacy.. they are just nice.. comfoy bras..

hope this helps.

Ps.. i detest lace..lol)