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dealing with an adult child who has aspergers

I am looking for someone to talk with about aspergers syndrom in the adult child.  I have many unanswered questions and am looking for some support, can you help?
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Avatar universal
Is this post still running? I would love to have contact with other parents in this situation. My son is 20 in July, He lives in his bedroom, He rarely speaks to anyone but me, has very little interest in anything other than his computer and talking to people online that he's never met, but they too have aspergers and he can relate to them. I am finding it very hard as I am coping alone. Friends and family dont understand, I'm fed up of hearing advice like 'take him down the pub, what he needs is a few pints that'll bring him out of himself' How if possible can I make him more independant and help him find an interest outside of his bedroom. It worries me so much how his life is passing him by. He says he isnt depressed, but to look at him he looks so sad all the time, it breaks my heart. He is a clever lad and I would love to see him find a job, but he has no motivation what so ever.  Anyone who can share this situation with me would be greatly appreciated.  Many thanks
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I thought it was me writing that !
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Thanks supermmum I will give the tare a call it would be good to get him back into a rutien again which went out the window when he started at Turrumurra high with no real support for lochs he started to fall beneath the radar and when he fell behind and couldn't keep up he shut down and went back into his own world , he needs friends , teachers and a work position that understand Aspergers . I have 6 kids Lockyer is my fith I knew he was different from a very early age but everyone thought I was mad , I know my kids so when he was diagnosed at 6 years of aga I cried not because I was sad but because I finnaly knew what was wrong and I would now be able to understand more about my son. Life has had its hard time sad time and great times. I've real almost everything there is to know , he don't have med to controll his behaviour sometimes I think maybe I should put him on some but we love home the way he is and wouldn't change that for the world. I know it can be hard at times but I'm determined to set him on the right road to his own independant life and if for some reason he can't then he will always be welcomed to live with me , my son knows I understand him which is probably the reason why he is so close to me . My son has made me into a better person.
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987762 tn?1331027953
I am the sister of 2 adult male Apsie's (dx as adults) and the mother of 2 Aspie's, and i have over 20 years working with children with ASD, understandably because of my back ground, I specialised in helping Aspie's in school....Being both a parent of special needs kids at school and working for the education dept, i knew both sides and my recommendation is to never rely on your child's emotional and education needs being met during school hours!

My son just turned 17 and he will be starting his last year of secondary school next year, over here in Australia it's called VCE 3&4 and if he stays on track, he will be going on to uni and doing a science degree the following year, he's considering bio-medicine because he enjoy's chemistry. Science has always been this childs chocolate cake, it didn't matter how above grade he was at school, the education system just didn't know how to cater to his educational and emotional needs, so we chose to home school him until he was ready.

He's loved his first year back, made friends with a few students and his teachers, he's doing all the subjects he enjoys and not frustratingly taking classes he had no choice in doing........that is the key, find their passion and use it in any way you can to get them into adulthood and possibly a career.

My Adult daughter struggled with learning difficulties through out school and it was just as hard getting her through the education system, we didn't home school her but it was a different time and girls Aspies were often undiagnosed. By the time her much younger brother was dx at age 3, she had a collection of 5 different dx's and then the penny dropped.......discovered her passion by her need to sculpt clay, it lead to her becoming a qualified pastry chef, today she has her own business and her cakes are works of art!

Use their passion and look into careers or jobs that give your child what they need to be happy, it will take years of focused baby steps that all lead towards them becoming self sufficient adults.........no matter their age, start now!  

Cheers...........JJ

ps Ronwyn - contact your local tafe, ask for the VCE office and ask about p/t due to special needs and see what they can do for you and your son, your boy may be interested and very good at computer programming but at school has never had the opportunity to explore the connection between his love of gaming and programming..........my boy's at tafe, he has two Aspie friends, one with a carer and going p/t, the other with out and p/t and all 3 boys are doing well.....ask!



  
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Avatar universal
Hi I, new to this site I also have a 17 year old son with asperugers . He recently dropped out of high school due to the fact he lost all interest with school and used to sleep during school to find the fact that he was struggling to keep up with the main stream students the school didn't offer much support as I guess their knowledge of asperugers was limited . I feel at a loss ATM as he now only want to consume his time with computer games how can I help to motovat him into  feeling that he matters and that there is people who care . Through out his life he has been bullied tormented and made to feel as if he is stupid by other who don't understand .
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Avatar universal
Would you please send me the website you have mentioned? It is blocked out on the main page. Also l accidentally hit the report button. Sorry!
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your input! I just discovered this website and am thrilled to find that my son , now 24 is an aspie as l have suspected for years now. He is brilliant, handsome, clumsy, loyal, anxious and swee tooth.  He does not want to think he is an aspie. He plays many instruments, and graduated college with straight As. However, he has always been lonely as he can't seem to tolerate the give and take of intimate rdlationships. As his mother, he looks to me forsupport, which l give as freely and readily as he needs it. How can l help him? He struggles with grooming and organization.  Social situations make him more and more anxious, and yes he drinks alot.Any suggestions?

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Avatar universal
I have a 20 year old and he is diagnosed with aspergers. He graduated with honours and tried to go away to university which didn't work out. He is back at home and seems completely unmotivated to do anything but sit in the basement and play video games. he has had a couple jobs but tends to call in sick when he was working but then quit his jobs. I love him but am at my wits end. I don't know what do to. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I would very much appreciate the help. Thank you
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Avatar universal
resperidone- currently has a law suit against it.  skip that one  
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Avatar universal
resperidone- currently has a law suit against it.  skip that one  
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Avatar universal
Could i please have that web site address please my fiancee has aspergers and i didnt find out until ywo yrs into our relationship and i need help he also is bipoler so any help would b great thank u so verrry much
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Avatar universal
You need to get him on medication. Explain to him that, he can take it voluntarily, or someday, may have to take it from an institution, if this continues:
For irritability and aggression: mood stabilizers (valproate, carbamazepine, lithium), beta blockers (nadolol, propranolol), clonidine, naltrexone, neuroleptics (risperidone, olanzapine, quetiapine, ziprasidone, haloperidol)
This has made my 28 year old Aspie son, much easier to live with, and he has told his psychiatrist many times that, it has made a huge difference for him. Best of luck! (My son is on risperidone & Lexparo for depression. Very low doses, always with an Aspie)
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8601498 tn?1398898976
I am a 28 year old with asperger syndrome with absolutely no friends. I still live in my parent's household!! I work in a contract, do websites and digital illustrations to earn some income. My father is constantly persuading me to get more jobs so that I will leave the house as soon as I can. I am so stressed out because whenever I work for a company, employers always bring up the contradiction that I will not: 1) Listen to what they say 2) Pay Attention3) Interact with the customers 3) Work Very Fast. I am a very bright person for sure, but I seem to have issues with communication and social interaction skills, also using my judgement fast and efficiently. Relationship-wise, I have never had a boyfriend, nor a large circle of friends. I have only one girlfriend my age who lives on the same street as me. Currently, I am all alone, but it crushes my heart. My mom tells me that she doesn't think I can see the world past our driveway, let alone 6 feet away from me. She doesn't think I perceive in the world at all.
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Avatar universal
just hugs.  I hear you and I understand

my son is near 20 ASD - and I am exhausted.  Hubby kind of understands sometimes and others gets annoyed that the son is being difficult.  I just wish that our son could become more independent -  get off the computer/play station,  keep away from the low life friends that seem to be the only ones that put up with his high self opinioniated expertise on everything and move onto the next level  He resents so much that I do yet like a 5 years needs me to supply much of life.  There has been progress in the last few years - but has plateaued out - i want to see some advances.

Emerjay        A women that just wants to nurture not manipulate.
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Avatar universal
Hi Anne
With regard to adult aspergers...I have a 34 year old son who is like a jeckal and hyde. I find him seriously abusive, at what he perceives to be the smallest slight he is off.  He tells me to shut my mouth....and will get up and leave whereever we are if he feels that I will not comply with him.  I will not...as I believe that his behaviour is so wired and aggressive that he needs to get himself serious help.  He will not take medication.....so I do.  I lost my own Mother last year...and recently we attened her graveside with my husband.  I broke down, and the both men abandoned me when I could not stop crying. Later we went for a meal...where again having not heard my son I put a square of sugar in his tea. He had already put one in. He hit the roof and started shouting at me, and when I became annoyed and asked for an apology he told me he was leaving if I spoke to him this way. I told him that I am his Mother and would speak to him as I saw fit, at which point he shouted at me to shut up, got up and left the hotel, which is approximately 40 miles from our home, and did not return.  We have not heard from his since...that is over a day ago.  On his departure he met his Father, my husband, and complained about me. My husbands answer to this was that there are two of us in it.  Since I heard this I have not spoken with my husband.  He refuses to direct our son in any way, and our son is also cute enough not to say too much to me when he is around.  I am now sick and tired of putting up with this type of behaviour...and on this occassion I am also trying to deal with my grief at the loss of my mother....when I discussed this with my husband he told me that he was also upset as going to the graveyard reminded him of his parents...who died one over 40 years ago..the other 30. I undertand this, but can also see that neither my husband or my son get it.....Our son did not get his formal diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD until he was 25 and is still in denial. My Husband was diagnosed with ADD...again this is all lost on him.  Since we have only the only child I am well aware of what the future holds, and have no misconceptions about support from our son.  I am now thinking of leaving my marriage as I feel that I have nothing left that I want to give...and that all of my energies getting psychological imput for our son..is lost on him...as he continues to live a life where he lives in a bedroom, computers being his thing, and has one man he is friendly with.  He has no idea what caring is about...and even though he lives near...he would not consider calling in even when we are both ill.  If he does anything to help in our family home he want money for it.....no idea of what it is like to be part of a family.  I have had it.  I will be 60 this year. In good health and a professional in my own right.....I do not want the rest of my days blighted by all of this.
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I know this post is from 2010...but I have a 23 year old exactly as what you described...what has happened since your post?
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What happened in your situation?  I am in that same situation right now and I am totally lost.  Please help.  deneen.***@****
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I am also hopeless at interviews, I have not yet figured out how to be successful at them. In the past I have gotten most of my jobs either because the employer is someone my mother knows or because the position was created specifically for me. THe only job I ever got from an interview was from a phone interview. Sorry I cant give you any tips
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Avatar universal
I have aspergers and am 35.I am new to this forum so here it goes.

I live by myself independently, more or less) but have always had my parents (especially my mother) to help provide me with emotional support and whatever else they are able to do (I am also renting a unit from them, the rents here are SO expensive) I have to admit it is sometimes a bit of a love-hate relationship because they can be quite dominating/intrusive but in the end I know that I couldnt be able to get by much with out them because I dont have any other supports and I know that my parents only want whats best for me.
I have also had a lot of difficulties in the past with finding and keeping jobs, I have frequently taken up studies in new fields when I got to the point where I could no longer find a job or get anywhere else in my last field. One of thes new fields of study was Medical Laboratory Science with I started a degree in and ended up at the end with a Bachelor of Microbioloogy (I had trouble passing the last year) I also had heaps of trouble finding a job in that field afterwards and am now no longer working in that area. At the moment I am working in a library whilst studying library studies at community college. I do not yet know if I will be able to successful at this but I live in hope.

Despite all my difficulties I have never given up looking for a job, although a lot of the time it has seemed like a loosing battle. I gave up studying for a nursing degree once in my early twenties and my father acted like it was the end of the world, I had been studing nursing for around three years and it was not a decision I took lightly. I would never make a decision like that lightly.

Sorry if there doesnt seem to be a point to this, I just thought it would be good to hear from another adult aspie as there are not a lot on this thread. That way the parents will be able to get our perspective on things.
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Avatar universal
I have recently found out that I have aspergers and am now 31! I only found out as I am working at a respite centre for children and found that many of the problems I have encountered through my life are also problems that they are dealing with so I am able to help them to  cope as I know how there thought process works.  When I told my parents I had aspergers they said they already knew but they chose not to tell me about it!
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Avatar universal
Hi : I'm also new to this website, and I'm a published author who is writing a book about Asperger's Syndrome in adulthood. I invite you to contribute your own experiences, and questions, and frustrations - either from the point of view of being a sufferer from the condition yourself, or as an adult partner of someone who has Asperger's.
I live with a guy who is a classic Aspie, has been all his life, but didn't find out till he was over 50. I've had to be his complete support system for over 25 years, it's been terribly difficult and I have suffered myself in countless ways, including being regularly assaulted and attacked when he goes into meltdown mode.
We have stuck together, and will continue to do so, because I respect and enjoy his very high intelligence - he has total brilliances in a couple of areas and we have made a career out of them - publicly we are hugely successful, but nobody knows what goes on behind the scenes.
You're completely right that our society is not kind to anyone who is perceived as different, it's a major problem. There's also very little out there about adult Aspergers sufferers, those people who never got diagnosed as a kid, and have spent decades wondering why they can't cope with people, and the world.
Please write to me, I'm interested in your own stories.
Anne
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1525009 tn?1303666128
Hi: I'm new to this website BUT we have a now 20year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's 5 years ago after being severly bullied at school and developing such a severe dpression that we withdrew him from school for a year.  With intense family, private medical and school support he finished high school by age 18. Most of these 'children' are intellectually gifted but seem to lack an ability to understand the normal social unspokens/gestures/facial expressions and so interactions with strangers has been very difficult for our son and he prefers to withdraw.  Our society is not kind to anyone who is perceived as different.
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Avatar universal
hi glenda
well I like working in restaurants as a cook in most kitchens beacuse they are very organised places (most of the time! lol) and they have enough tasks and jobs to stay busy and focused. It keeps my hands busy too which prevents me from fidgeting.
The problems I have with cooking is forgeting things in the oven or sometimes being clumsy with knives (poor manual dexterity). However, I worked in a cafeteria cutting lots and lots of vegetables for one year and I rarely cut myself anymore....this is just the problem of forgetting stuff in the oven when I am not watching it....it`s harder to solve...
and also, I need to know what to say in the interview to sell my strong points as a cook. I have been on hundreds of interviews in the last two years and I don`t pass the interview.
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Avatar universal
What do you find interesting? What type of jobs have you had in the past? Outdoors or Indoors?

To some degree I think you have to tolerate people - that is life.

My job as a computer operator is about the most isolated one can be that I am aware of.
It is hard to be isolated and have friends.

Glenda
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