Son with Autism, New Baby on the way

[mrskeishia]

I am currently 39wks pregnant with my first baby boy :) I have a stepson who is 8 years old and autistic. I wanted to know how to include my stepson in the upbringing of my newborn. I am nervous about certain things because my stepson is very loud and very rough at times because of his autism and the fact that he does understand that he can hurt someone around him. However, I want him to feel included in some day to day activities like assisting with diaper changes and things like that so that he doesn't feel like an outsider. The safety for my newborn is very important, but so is the love and affection I want between my baby and his brother. I want my newborn to know his brother and fall in love with him as i have, but I am concerned with my newborn being somewhat afraid of his brother. Can you give me tips on how to include my stepson and how to keep the baby safe while also having them create a bond? Any and all advice or opinions help! TIA

[mrskeishia]

Thank you sooo much for your response.  That def helps a lot! And I'm still waiting for my little man...3 days past due with induction scheduled for Tuesday or Wednesday. Wish me luck! Thanks again! :)

[proudmommytobe15]

I have 2 autistic siblings I live with who are both under the age of 4. I would say just watch them closely and depending on how severe he is on the spectrum will determine a lot. Also (and you probably know this) autism is extreanly genetic. So be aware of warning signs so if anything were to look strange you could get early intervention. My brother is very good with babies and though most of the time he's rough and loud. For some reason he's very nurturing and though amd my sister is the opposite. I will be watching her very closely because she's a hitter

[specialmom]

Ahh, well congrats on the baby.  You've perhaps had him or her by now!

I think the key is supervision.  I had a 15 month old and a newborn--- so some things were the same.  Without meaning to, my toddler could hurt the baby.  So, you keep the baby with you, use the word 'gentle' with your autistic step son, and guide him.  You don't want him to squeeze and hug the baby (something my pediatrician told me as while giving that type of love, babies can get hurt)---  so you teach them how to pat their feet, put their hand so baby can hold THEIR finer, gentle kisses on top of the head and basically, doing a lot of talking with the child.  Your baby will LOVE watching him.  My babies all loved older cousins and would laugh and laugh.  

So, you keep baby close to you at all times and then have a rule about not going into baby's room without a grown up so you can put baby down without fear.

Something else my pediatrician did was have me say to the baby "okay baby,, you have to wait a minute, it's brother's turn now."  The baby didn't care (wouldn't pick when the baby was crying to do this).  And then the brother would feel like "hm, okay, baby gets turns and I get turns for mom's attention too".  So, when you tell him that he has to wait a minute for you to do some baby care, he'll not feel like it is always about the baby.

I have two sons.  My oldest has sensory integration disorder.  My younger son has seen him (a gazillion times) at his worst, has been the target of bad behavior, has spent countless hours at his brother's therapy sessions in the waiting room . .    and yet, they are the best of friends.  He adores his big brother.  :>)  good luck to you