Halloween and Christmas

[MissingMyAngel]

Hi to all the mommies with angel babies. I lost my first baby at 25 weeks due no amniotic fluid on feb 272009. It still fresh to me i just take it day by day now on halloween it was going to be her first holiday and i think about what her custome would of look like and now christmas is going to be very depressing since she is not here. I dont look forward to this type of holidays specially birthdays but there is nothing i can do to stop it. Now im pregnant again it very soon it wasnt planned but it happened. This pregnancy it been full of up and downs but i have to be very strong and i just pray to god to help me go through to this and a healthy pregnancy. I wish i didnt have to go through this and everything was just a long nightmare.

[rdh1981]

Oh man, what a scare! Glad your little one is okay!!! Just remember anything is Possible with a Baby Angel on your side!!

[MissingMyAngel]

No i haven't talk to him about it since i have got alot better, i mean i have my days but is not everyday. My husband has help me alot by going through this with him and also this website called shareyourstory.org is just for baby angels and nicu and that helped me alot specially at the very beginning. Since the holidays are coming up is kind of depressing since all this is new to me plus we fell like we are not complete but i believe the second holidays will be a lil better. i mean time heals but the scar will be there forever. Im glad you wrote back this thrusday around 11:30pm i had gone to the hospital near my house not the one where my ob works at, b/c i didn't feel the baby move as much so they said everything was ok but they did an u/s and the tech said that i had an amniotic band which even the nurse didn't know how to explain to me! She only said it causes growth restrictions! I was like WHAT!! They basically left me hanging and told me to f/u w/ my obgyn tomorrow I didnt even see a dr! i was freaked out from the things i read online when i got home i didnt sleep all night finally i went to my ob they got the films and said that i was misdiagnosed! That with all the u/s that i get by him and the specialist they would of known! thank god! What they saw was the septum in my uterus since i have a bicornuate uterus and they thought it was band! And my doctor said even if that hospital is close not to go there again only go where they have a copy of my chart and history and somewhere where they are going to call him to let him know..i should of gone there since the beginning is the second time i have a problem with the hospital so he was going to call them to tell them that they can't dx a pt w/o knowing the history and specially by a tech! And this friday was my husband bday so we were soo scared but thank god that everything was a misunderstanding and my ob had to repeat the u/s just to show me that nothing is there..i was soo relieved! Overall we had a good weekend thank god!

[rdh1981]

I am sorry you are feeling like that. I truly believe that if you need to cry then do so. Your husband sounds like he is trying to be strong for you and does not want to see you hurting either.  

Have you talked to your OB about your depression?? Perhaps there is something they can help with you and also keep this new little peanut safe and healthy!!!

[MissingMyAngel]

I know.. When i need to cry i cry i can't hold it in specially some nights when i pray n i start thinking about the day she was born and why i have to go through to this. The other day i was thinkin about christmas and how is around the corner and i was with my husband and i started crying and he hugs me and tells me please try to calm down don't get like this at this stage i know he says that because im pregnant and i get really overwhelmed but is just soo hard being pregnant after a loss. I feel like looking at her pictures but i know once i see them again i won't stop crying and that's when i don't know if is healthy for this baby?

[rdh1981]

Hey Kathy,

You are so right about being strong but you must also remember that it is okay to grieve. Cry, scream, yell do whatever you need.  It is perfectly healthy.  

Just set your expectations low for the Holidays, do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Maybe you just might enjoy yourself who knows!!!!

Just keep that Baby Girl in your heart where she belongs!!!

[MissingMyAngel]

Thanks for writing back your words help. This christmas i don't know what me and my husband are doing usually we go to his aunt's with everybody and celebrate there but i don't think im ready yet. It is a good idea about hanging a stocking so i will hang one for her i don't know what else to do I mean is just hard.  Most likely we will just stay home and take it easy and invite my mom over but thats about it. I guess i just have to give it time and take it as it comes the pain is gotten better but i know it will never go away i just feel like we are not complete. But i know i have to be strong for my baby angel and this new baby on the way and take it day by day. i will keep you posted..Kathy

[rdh1981]

I am so sorry. This is such a horrible pain that no mother should have to endure.

After my sweet Cooper returned to Heaven last year every "first" was the worst, but some how we made it through. We avoided some and embraced others. For Christmas we made him a monogrammed stocking and decorated "Cooper" style. We also held a toy drive in honor of him and believe me all of this helped so much.

I know it will be hard but you will find your way through it. Your little Angel will be by your side to carry you through. If it becomes too much then simply do not celebrate....it is as easy as that. I told my family that I would only do what my husband and I felt comfortable doing and they totally accepted that and welcomed me when I did come around.

Cooper blessed us with his little bro this year. So, we have a new year of "first" and this time it is a much welcomed one!!!!

Congratulations on your new pregnancy, let that little peanut and your Angel make your heart full of joy!!!

Thanks for Joining Baby Angels and sharing your story!!!

Rachel