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Am i becoming mentally unwell again?

Im 19, and for many years ive had severe mood swings and mental health issues since a younge age. Im diagnosed ADHD & ODD with emerging borderline traits. When i was in my middle teens ( 14-17 ) the criteria for Borderline fitted like a glove but because i was under the age of 18 i couldnt be properly diagnosed. But the last year things have taken a dramatic turn. Ive been inpatient for 6 months and only discharged march of this year. I am 99% positive that i suffer with depression, i have the symptoms thats been going on for years but every doctor ive been to says its just “normal low mood”...  I go through these “phases” where i can go 4-8 days with very little sleep , my energy increased dramatically, i couldnt focus or stay on track of things , my confidence was sky high and i felt invincible. Like no harm could ever come to me and ill live forever , then it goes away and im in a depressed phase for weeks/Months at a time. Im currently in andepressed state and very stressed over nothing and everything. My mood has dropped drastically and ive alot of self harm urges and suicidal ideation ( wanting to die , needing to die & plannin on how i will die) im currently still trying to get an appointment with my psych but im not due to see him till march 2019. Im really scared as i cant sleep i cant eat or im binging , my mood is horrible , im currently working but even at work im struggling big time and crawling out of my skin with anxiety.  Ive socially isolated myself for months and now i feel like im losing control of myself and my mind. I dont know whats going on and im scared incase im becoming mentally Ill again.
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Avatar universal
I am sorry to hear that you are having such problems and know you  must be very confused and scared. You talk about extreme mood episodes which doesn't usually happen with the diagnoses you have been given. It would seem to me that you have bipolar disorder (like me) because bipolar is a mood disorder. Obviously I cannot diagnose you because I am not a professional, but until you get an appointment with your psychiatrist I suggest you educate yourself about bipolar disorder. Education is key. There is a great deal of information on line and I suggest you really study it.

Be aware, though, that a bipolar diagnosis means a life time of treatment so do not be too eager to accept a diagnosis. In fact, I think it would be a good idea to get a second opinion if that is possible. Bipolar Disorder is a very complex illness and psychiatrists are often reluctant to diagnose this, however it does start when you are in your teens or early twenties. It is a fact that a bipolar takes between 5 and 10 years to diagnose because psychiatrists can only take your word for your episodes, seeing as there are no tests.

If you do have bipolar disorder it is essential to remember that although it is a serious disorder, many, many people learn to live with it just fine and have successful careers and lives. There is always hope.

If you need more information I would be happy to help.
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Im seeing my psych tomorrow and i also have a diary recording my mood and what happens how my day was etc , like ive been doing quiet well over the xmas i just find i have these episodes of highs and lows that come on for awhile then they go again and so on
Avatar universal
Lilly, I should have addressed your suicidal ideation as this is really important. First, thoughts of suicide are common with depression and sometimes even with mania although rare. However, this is not a symptom to be overlooked. You should/must got straight to the ER if you start planning your death. I know you have spent a long time in hospital (I don't know why) but it is better to get some treatment than to die. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.
Helpful - 0
I was in hospital over a suicide attempt but yet when i asked was I depressed they said no
Your situation is very confusing. It seems that, even though you have intensive help for your suicide attempt, the professionals are unable to diagnose you. People don't just attempt suicide for no reason. I suppose they asked you a number of questions to see if you had the symptoms of depression and your answers led them to believe you were not depressed. It is very hard to imagine you not being depressed, or under the influence of a substance, yet suffering so much. I am looking forward to what your psych. has to say today.
They asked me no questions about depression , i tore into my doctor abit today because he asked me “ do you even need to be here?” He also continued to tell me theres probally nothing wrong with me that it could just be the way i am and i dont need meds as it wont do anything for me..
Also im not taking any substances or drinking , I regularly get drug tested from my gp nd always coming out clean
I am really sorry that you got no satisfaction with your psych. I was in hospital once and had a big problem with the consultant. His intern had told me that my Depakote level was too high, then the consultant totally flipped out when I told him this. He shoved the blood test results under my  nose and started shouting at me. Then he came back five minutes later and said "I can't see any reason why you should be in this hospital," and I was duly discharged.

The point is I had broken a silent protocol and not recognized him as the senior partner. Seeing as he had not introduced himself, I thought this was an easy mistake. But I guess he did not. (He may also have been having a bad day which shouldn't influence his work ethic, but could).

So I am really wondering now if you and your doc. have come to blows in some way and he is really offended by something you have said or done. I have no idea what it is, but feel sure there is a personality conflict here. This being said, I would definitely advise you to go to see another doc. Do you have a good relationship with your own family doctor? That could be the answer. They are allowed to prescribe psych. meds. You could also reach out to the hospital you stayed in.

Other than that, I am stumped. The only thing left to do is to learn ways you can take care of yourself in your daily life. I don't know you so it is very hard to know how you live. But things like getting enough regular sleep, eating a good diet, exercising and getting out in the sunshine are very helpful indeed.
Every appointment i have its a different jr doctor ,  he told me that im not bipolar that i have bpd traits ( in my notes about bpd traits since i was 17) but he cant diagnose me ,  he didnt listen to me , yeah i can rate to some bdp traits but not as much now as i did when i was 17, but  my moods arnt uo and down constantly like bpd i go throw episodes of highs then down to lows and have breaks of being fine/normal inbetween
I think I have covered all the points I want to mention, so I wish you luck, Lilly.
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