Bipolar Ii And Denial, Acceptance, And General Difficulties

[jumpingjacks]

Hello MedHelp community,

I'm new to this board, and I've been having a bit of a hard time with Bipolar disorder (no full-blown mania). I feel like I'm in denial and struggle with acceptance...if I'd been hospitalized or something for mania or psychotic mania, I could understand the diagnosis much more.

In those hypomanic times, I felt I was productive,and I believe that these times of less sleep, creative thoughts etc can be very beneficial for people, but other times it's actually been very very unpleasant and rather scary. The downside of these episodes is the inevitable crash, and that hypomania can quickly escalate into full-blown mania in some...not good. I'm struggling with medication. I don't really want to have to take medication for most (maybe all?) of my life, do not want to have a mental illness, worry how to tell people etc. But, everyone has their own issues and dealt hand, and there are plenty of conditions that are life-long etc, and I guess I'm lucky I'm on the right medical track now. So, I'm still in that sticky phase of denial and finding it hard to fully accept, yet feel glad it's been recognized and 'caught' early. Do others struggle with acceptance/doubt?

So that is it in a nutshell. Thank you everyone, and I am looking forward to hearing from you, this is like my first little 'support' session!

[bonae]

hi i was diagnosed as b polr 25 yrs ago. i was going  through a rough time in my marriage. the drs told me since my mother and her father and uncle were bp i definitely fit in that catagory. i would cry alot sleep alot and go thru phases which the drs called rapid cycling. in the last 10 yrs my younger sister has been diagnosed with bp she has  been institutionalized twice due to phycosis.  what the drs  did not know was  that my sister has always been experimenting with drugs. which is what i think her real problems was. i had taken pain meds during the years that i was supposively bp and i am very anti drug today. i have been taken off of almost all of my bp med nuerontin abilify celexa and down to only 25mg of lamictal a day. i feel much better i can think clearer than i have in years and i can feel inside of me again. i will soon b totally off of these meds.my new dr sees no need for them either since i have never had an episode of phsycosis. in the last 9 yrs i was discovered to b narcoleptic and that is why i slept so much. i havent taken the meds for that in the past two months i think that has dissapated. i just wanted to say b very sure u r diagnosed properly or u could b taking meds for the rest of ur life for something u dont even have

[lindahand]

A person with Bipolar 2 usually spends twice to three times as much time in depression as hypomania and the suicide rate is higher among bipolar 2 from one study I saw fairly recently.

Acceptance is hard. When the doctor first said "I think you have bipolar disorder and would like to send you to a psychiatrist" I went on every web test I could find and skewed the answers so it came out that I wasn't bipolar. lol. It took my psychiatrist about 8 months before he formally diagnosed me as bipolar 2.

And you may not have to take medication your whole life. They are doing some research with MRI's and magnets, that shows promise. They found that people with bipolar who had MRI's showed improvement. They are also doing some research with some other medications so if you do have to take meds your whole life - may be a better type of med.

Somedays I fill my weekly pill container and resent it. Resent that I have this disorder. Resent that I have to take these pill, Get mad/frustrated at the side effects. But when I stop and think back to life before meds. What a mess. I started to ultra rapid cycle last episode. It was so scary. I became suicidal. One night I decided to turn a 6 person table into a 4 person table. Old oak table. All I had was a hammer and screw driver. I did it, not well, the table is a little warped, but it was this frantic energy.

It took me a loooong time to find meds that helped. So it may take a few kicks at the can. I finally found a combo that helped about 1/2 way. I was on it for about a year and a half. It was causing weight loss to the point of being dangerous, and fatigue. So I switched to something new and it gave me a life. It was amazing. The side effects at first darn near killed me. I had horrible stomach pains, but after about 2 months they went away and now I am doing probably about 80% mood wise. Had a bit of a blip that last 8 weeks. Went on birth control because of low estrogen which lower lamotrigine levels so I got a bit unstable.

I am starting to fall asleep at the computer. It does get easier. Acceptance too comes in waves I am finding. Sometimes I am very accepting and other times I rant and rave about the unfairness of it all and other times I get caught up in the 'if I do everything right (eating healthy, exercise, meditation) then maybe I wouldn't have bipolar." and then I beat myself up for not being a better person (usually this one comes when I am depressed).

It's a journey. There is lots you can do to tip the scales in your favor. In our bipolar education class they said the medication is 60% the other 40% is how well you take care of yourself, and managing your triggers. So we do hold some power.

[helplogan]

I really need to get on my computer, stupid phone!
What I wanted to finish by saying is, the memory of my life before diagnosis, treatment and taking medication is still there and though what I take doesn't keep me stable, it has improved my quality of life if not my families too.
When it comes down to us being artistic, intelligent  and gifted I was obviously in the wrong queue because it missed me :-)

[helplogan]

Accepting we have an illness that is going to need treatment for the rest of our lives is never an easy thing to do. I have to take a combination of medications and as I have a diagnosis of rapid cycling bi-polar.  If Not taking medication was an option we would  all be jumping but for joy but for most of us it's a necessity and can greatly improve our quality of life. As I personally never have a stable period because I constantly cycle I have had to accept that in my case what relief I do gain from the medication I take has its limitations and my doctors have always been brutally honest with me regarding that. So my expectations on any resulting treatment has stayed realistic and though there are times I've seriously wondered why I bother taking them if they aren't doing more to help me, Contemplating what I could potentially be dealing with without taking medication of my life before diagnosis, treatment and

[Gnil]

Hi there!!!!!! You are absolutely normal!!!!! Haha!!!!  everything you are and have experienced is normal for Bipolar. I am now 20 plus yrs with this and it is one helluva!!!!! Ride Hehe!!!  But we are Special People as we do have insight to things that other people seem to not get, and I am also artistic and I find that other people just don't see as deep as I can?????
I think we have some gift and unfortunately our brain is working on some other level and that makes us weird to others????  But in all seriousness the bouts of depression are the horrific part unfortunately!!!!! And to get out of that I think the Med's are the only help.
You will have to take med's all your life that is true but HEY!!!!  Diabetics take meds all their lives!!!!!
I have been through all the things you talk about and more don't like med's but I swallow them now and am on a maintenance dose after years of high doses, so it does improve and have been on that dose for a few years now. Still have a crash now and then but getting used to the sign's and quick action HELPS.
Soooo!!!!!!  I call it managing my SG????  (synoptic gap's )
You don't have to explain to people as they WILL NOT UNDERSTAND if they have not experienced it they don't get it. So why explain????

If they can not physically SEE something they can not comprehend that this can happen???
Hence you get the PULL yourself together etc.

I find that you are best just saying nothing unless asked, I run my own business and no one even suspects that I am Bipolar, they might think I am MAD but who cares!!!!  Hahahahah!!!!!

If you look into history most of the talented people were Bipolar, artists, poets, great leaders, etc. And who are we to complain about that, tells me we have somthing??????

So keep up your good work, and I hope I hear from you Here's To Life Man!!!!!!