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Compulsive thoughts with bipolar disorder.

hi I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about six years ago after a manic episode with psychosis. My psychiatrist then stopped me from medications(Lithium) because he doubted that I had a bipolar disorder and I had a second episode. since them for six years I maintained stability - no mania or significant depression. I went to see my parents abroad and had very strange symptoms. I imagined that I am hurting my relatives. For example I would see a knife and I my nephew was there and I would imagine that I am cutting his throat. Other time I imagined that I am pushing my dad under a car. It is not that I am willing to do that it is if ai have an impulse to so these things. Sometimes I have the impulse to swerve into incoming traffic.  To make it more clear I will tell you a story. I was at a theatrical play when I thought how embarrassing it would be to scream. I couldn't seem not to think about it. At one point it felt that I actually have the impulse to scream. It is the same with the other thoughts.  My psychiatrist told me that these are compulsive obsessive thoughts common for bipolar disorder and should be treated with anti anxiety/depression medication but I have never read anything like that. Have you experienced symptoms like those?
4 Responses
Avatar universal
I too have experienced that I would want to drive into a pole and it wasn't a death wish it was a destructive wish and I've thought about other crazy ideas that just break up a normal situation such as screaming or throwing a drink on a random person the meds help you need to work closely with your doc to get the right combo for u but it's possible good luck!
1551327 tn?1514045867
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can understand your frustration with these invasive thoughts.  For a long time I was haunted by nightmares and daydreams of causing harm to others and myself.  Sometimes I would want to jump out of a moving car and it wouldn't be on a bad day.  It would most often happen on a goo day.  I didn't want to hurt myself no more than I wanted to hurt my girlfriend when I envisioned holding a pillow over her face.  I didn't understand why a knife looked so enticing to me.
It sounds like you have something inside that you want to get out.  In some instances I would guess that you entertain the ideas a little bit although I am not saying that you are a dangerous or mean person.  When people have impulsive thoughts a lot of times they need to be directed towards something productive instead of destructive.
Maybe get a new tattoo, or write a song.  Maybe change your wardrobe or paint a picture.
When I was going through my worst time of impulsiveness I would wear pajama pants everywhere I went.  I wasn't looking for attention but I wanted to stand out.
What is going on in your life?  Are you going to school?  What is your job?
Avatar universal
  If anyone says "Even after being around my parents 24/7 for two weeks straight ,I don't even feel like screaming". Well that is just a big LIE.
  I been living with ADHD / BP for a lot of years now, and hey, sometimes I feel like jumping off a bridge right in front of a 18-wheeler. So WHAT, a zany thought can pop into a persons head at any time. EVERYONE gets strange thoughts / impulses from time to time. Right out of nowhere. Zap!  No one is immune. It don't make you a monster and it don't mean you are INSANE.
  My MD says to me one time, ( I was weeping and sobbing and I ask him "What's wrong with me? Why I keep messing everything up?" ) and he says "Man, living with Bi-Polar is a *****".
  Look you can take the pills. All the anti-psyhcotics, the anti-depressants, the anti-anxiety, the stimulants, sleeping pills, blah blah blah. You can drink all the wine in California. There's no cure for this thing. Take enough of those pills for a long enough time, you're still gonna be Bi-Polar, but you're also gonna be a JUNKIE.  Big Pharma is an evil thieving murderous dope pushing Pimp weasel that will rape you to death for one thin dime.  Okay so let review our options,
    1.)  sever clinical depression
    2.)  raging manic
    3.)  a junkie stuck somewhere in between.
  If you think some origami or macramé is going to fix everything or maybe build a campfire and sing some songs. Then Please, Please save yourself a lot of misery and go get a double frontal lobotomy or a dozen rounds of electro shock.
1551327 tn?1514045867
COMMUNITY LEADER
I do agree on your main points.  Of course there is no cure for this but that is another topic.  The original poster was talking about intrusive thoughts and we know that going to another place like being abroad can spin up mania.  If you have not seen mania in a while it can be scary with all the racing thoughts and impulsive behavior.
Start a new thread if you wish and let us know a little about you.  
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