Coping With a Physical Disability in Addition to Bipolar?

[ILADVOCATE]

I have to be honest as I've been disappointed because physical recovery is slow and I am still homebound. That is a seperate issue from moodswings. But I do find myself becoming bitter and antagonistic when I see other people going out and enjoying life when I am inside. However, that kind of thinking is not healthy and can be symptomatic. Best to focus on physical recovery and enjoying what I can out of life in the mean time then trying to put down other people's enjoyment of life. But its hard to eliminate those feelings but essential to find a way. I knew when my primary disability was psychiatric I could if I pushed myself go to a social occassion. Now although I am recovered enough to enjoy it, physically I can't. But I can't deny that the mental antagonism it sets off doesn't have some aspects of a mixed state. If anyone has a pre-existing or acquired physical disability as well as bipolar it would be helpful to know how to cope with both at once and appreciate what you can out of life and not try to detract from other's enjoyment of it.

[zzzmykids]

So, friend, if I am in the 2 percent to get adverse reactions, you are in the minus 1. Listen to you. Even when you feel hopeless and overwhelmed you are encouraging others not to despair about meds. Yes aware of your tardive dyskinesia and it scares the hell out of me, but am off depression meds for time being, can't find one to have enough good help as the adverse reactions including suicidal thoughts are too numerous.
I am glad you had a short "walk". Bravo.  What I admire most about you is your tenacity to succeed and conquer. When you are down, know there are a number of people coming along side to help pick you up and cheer you on to victory.

[ILADVOCATE]

Thanks I appreciate. Yes it is a long term side effect of previous medications I took and its under clinical study itself. As it is an extremely rare adverse side effect of some medications people might take I generally confine postings about it to my journal entry to track my recovery and on occassion the neurology forum. But of course it does create a reaction that is emotional. Last night when I posted this was the last day of the Catapres application which helps on both dystonic spasms (and the other neurological variants associated with it) as well as mood swings so at those times it is at its worse. What I have is a statistically rare adverse side effect that is irreversible but as it turns out treatable and physical recovery is a slow go with some extreme set backs here and there. I am certainly glad its treatable to begin with and I have been doing much better since I first signed up here when I had attacks of dissociation and dysphoria that were neurological and standard moodswings because I was in between mood stabilizers. The Clonidine appears to have kicked out but the Vimpat is more than helpful.
  I certainly can appreciate the severity of what you experienced and I am glad things have improved. What I experienced was a standard side effect (tardive dyskinesia) and the extreme advancement of it was because I had an undiagnosed form of focal dystonia that was worsened by Lamictal which is such a statistical rarity that it only happens to a few people. My experience with any as yet clinically undefined adverse side effects should not in any way make people concerned about any medication. I would say though that the emotional coping process is part of my life and any physical disability can cause emotional set backs in people with bipolar (or in my case schizoaffective) is in itself worth sharing. Thanks.

[zzzmykids]

Hey, I know you are aware and active in your treatment. but five years plus now, I was in extreme pain.  It was medication interaction and a side effect of cholesterol meds. I spent a year on ultrim and a pain patch and then nothing, nothing but a gp out of town. I ended in the hospital and it has taken five years to get back to mental capacity from the cause of this and a accident with a semi...that tore my expedition up but I was semi ok as I was stationary at a light.  What I am saying is could it be the meds you are currently using?  I know you have a pharmacologist.  Just get better, you are so vital to this "blog".  And you ever want an incredibly great book to read, just ask.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that makes a lot of sense but its near impossible to emotionally seperate yourself from extreme physical pain and there may be a seperate set of mental disruptions that are neurological in origin that go along with them in me. That much I confine to my journal entries which my providers read and track what may become a case study (but of course are only my opinion of what I experience they may see more clinically of course). I think that I have taken what I believe to be an appropriate attitude which is to help seek treatment for it which since it is an unknown disability may be helpful for others. One cannot say which is worse a physical disability or a psychiatric disability. But out of the people I know who had both the people who were in treatment did better. Mentally I've made close to a full recovery as clinically determined but neurologically things vary as treatments help or don't help depending. I have known people with standard disabilities that are neurological that can affect the mental processes such as multiple sclerosis and my recovery is somewhat like there's. The Vimpat has been a literal life saver for me but as I am the first person to respond (its standard use is as anti-convulsant) to it for my disability I will have to with hold judgement until they further research it after potentially publishing the case study. I do try to keep things pragmatic and factual which makes it easier but as with everyone I have an emotional life as well. Thanks.

[doctora]

Hi IL;
Dont get down on yourself about your physical issues, just keep working on it and try not to focus on it.

Aside from my bi-polar and schzioeffective disorder, I have severe osteoporosis, my bones are the age of a women 87yrs old, so I find at least once a month I end up breaking either a toe or finger.

I had a grand mal seizure Dec 07 of which I broke 4 vertibrae, and because I didnt have the funds to get physiotherapy, my back bones have healed out of place, due to this I cannot exercise the way I would like to, primarily to get the extra weight off from the bi-polar meds., for fear I may break a bone that I cannot repair or deal with at home.

I also realize that the major underlying issue I have is mental, and I am working on this first, if I can exercise I will but it is simple exercise such as walking, treadmill etc., I have had to say good-bye to my previous workout routine, kick boxing, mountain biking etc., as it is too dangerous.

I have also been told that the calcium and Vitamin D suppliments I have been taking are causing gal stones. So I try not to think about my physical self, until I have my mental self in order, and as you know both take time, and I believe in mind over matter, so I figure once I get my head together, my other issues will be easier to deal with.

All I can say is be patient with yourself, but be persistant.

[ILADVOCATE]

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. Today was the first day of the Catapres application and I was able to take a walk. So it just means one medication has started to run out of effectiveness and I need to speak to my neurologist about changing to another medication and he and my psychopharmocologist are very open to trying treatments that are in (standard) clinical study as long as they believe they are safe and effective in their determination. The dysphoria I experience is neurological as well and they are working to define that clinically but it does appear to be treatable. I am trying to get my family together to help me get the physical accomodations I need. And the anti-convulsant I take which helps on dystonic spasms is showing some promise as a mood stabilizer as well. I've been reading philosophy which I was never able to as well and having a better understanding of my emotional self as well as relating to others and society in general. Some of this is neurological and some may be mental. Its just another form of recovery and I have to stay strong and keep going and not let the negativity of others (no one here I mean people I know or have known) reflect on me and overcome me which is not always easy but is acheivable. Thanks again for your support.

[zzzmykids]

You help so many people.  You have helped me, friend.  I want you to get better.  Is it possible to regain your mobility? I don't know if you are a believer in Christ, but I believe you know I am. Through the dark valleys and the stagnating vomit of the lows of bipolar, there is one and only one thing that can carry me through.  That is the knowlege that what I am going through will help someone else and grow me as a person in patience, tolerace, hope and fortitude.  You help people!  You are wise!  It is a season of frustration and agrivation.  Give yourself a break, read something....a novel....just for fun and not for learning, laugh without a reason, write picturesquelly (sorry spelling) about mountains, butterflies, the sound of the wind and movement of the clouds.
Again, of all people, Iladvocate, I pray for your wellness and future happiness in this life.
Please know how special you are to so very many.  zzzmykids

[adel_ezz]

Hi

First, I don't believe you when you say you feel bitter when you see others in a better physical state. I never felt so from your writings and sure one can feel it right away had it been so..

Besides, you have the kindest heart here, You answer all the posts sent by others, hardly you don't stamp every post by your signature with an answer that is definitive, precise and brief. Usually i keep bla bla first before i decide to answer. So a person like you should in my view be so proud of himself that everybody leans upon him for help. People feel secured and safe when you are online, me the first.

But of course everybody has his downs and can at times start questionning one's pros and cons and this the human nature. Everybody does so, yet to the extent that I feel that surely except you of course; as you are the only one to be holding the flag with no hesitation. So if you feel hesitated once or twice it's your right and is only fair.