Depressed & Paranoid

[nirvana13]

I'm a college student who has been suffering from bipolar with schizoaffective tendencies for nearly four years. Recently, I have been even more paranoid than usual. I'm scared of the people at my school for some reason. Whenever I am at school, I get these feelings that people are staring at me or talking about me behind my back.  When this first started, I invented a person in my head, named Talia, who would tell me their thoughts and then give me her opinion. She's not always active in my thoughts. When I'm busy with schoolwork or focused on something more important, she's not really there. I don't notice her.
When I become really paranoid and sad, I hear her a lot. I have a really broken past and she makes me afraid that my future isn't as bright as people say it is. I wish I could get rid of her. But I don't know how to. Or if I do, I don't want to do it because it's not safe.

[Crystal413]

I admire you for being in college and having to deal with this. I understand your concern. Can I ask if your on any meds or see a Therapist at school?

[CRSeaside]

Remember the movie The Shining ? The kid had Tony.
I'm not a Pdoc but it sounds like a coping mechanism. Talk it over with the Dr that diagnosed your disorder.
  I'm also glad to hear you are in school. More activities. Less time for mental reflections helps sometimes. Take care and get plenty of exercise.  Maxy

[nirvana13]

I take medication consistently and I have been seeing a private psychologist for about two years now. But after all this time I still have struggles within myself no matter how much confidence I have earned from personal experiences.

[nirvana13]

To be honest, you comparing the kid from The Shining to me scares the hell out of me. Plus, it's a little different because of our age, don't you think?

[Crystal413]

I'm glad your under professional care. What I will tell you is that this journey of ours with mental illness takes a while, for many a long time to show improvements. Be persistent in the things you are doing, keep learning how to help yourself and I believe things will eventually get better. Trial and error of meds and combo of meds can take longer than we'd like. I wish you the best!

[MrGinger]

College is an interesting time full of all kinds of experiences. It seems that you've been able to compartmentalize your negative thoughts into this " Talia" and as you've already observed and concluded, Talia exists only in times of sadness and paranoia.... Now as you wrote, you created this person and can remember doing so much like an imaginary friend  only " Talia" seems to have gone rogue on the friend aspect of the relationship.
I too have negative thoughts or apprehension about what could go wrong or about the future not being full of the success that was so readily and easily predicted by those around me in my youth. Not that I'm a senior citizen by any means I'm still in my 20 s but none the less I can relate.
As to the question of whether or not to drop Talia, you really need to ask yourself a few sobering questions. First, since the creation of " Talia " has life become better or worse, easier or tougher.... Lol I think two sets of antonyms will suffice. Next question for what purpose did I create " Talia" ?  Is she still serving that purpose or has she grown and expanded into different roles and purposes?
Answers to these questions will dictate further advice on the subject. Hit me back when you can and we'll tackle this " Talia " dilemma. ;)