Aa
Depression
Hello.
I've been in a relationship for about 3 years
My ex-boyfriend used to be so good. The after a year he started to change and life was like hell with him. He abused me with very bad words. He insulted me and my family all the time with words that no feelings can handle. During the second year, i never felt i had the power to leave. I was so weak and i used to cry every single night hoping that by the morning this nightmare will end. I was afraid that if i decide to leave he would hurt me and i couldn't handle this issue alone. Until the beginning of the third year, i started getting stronger. I was able to leave him, but the end was not so sweet. He hit me and insulted me to an extent that i had to hit him back and my nails got in his neck and blood got out.
After that, he remained coming after me and scaring me that he will hurt me or any of my close people at any moment.
However, all these years of pain included a big drawback in my university grades. I used to be the first in my class and then i barely passed my courses. I tried so hard to overcome what i've been through but i couldnt do that alone. I had to visit a psychologist. I was diagnosed with bipolar and hyperactivity. Prior to that also i was diagnosed with Graves disease. I took many medications.
About 2 years ago, the psychologist stopped my medication.
But i've never felt i'm back to normal.
I have a new boyfriend who is a real man and he always helped me in my struggles.
But i can never trust him. Anything he does makes me angry. When i'm angry , i feel i lose myself. I start crying and crying. And i say very bad things to him or to anyone in front of me. I feel i can't cotrol any of this. And he is starting to fear me.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so useless and depressed. Nothing makes me happy in life. I keep on thinking all the time. I feel like my head is having cramps on the forehead.
I don't know if i've ever been cured.
I don't want to lose the good people around me and i don't want to hurt them. For this reason' i'm starting to hurt myself just to get rid of my angriness. But no one is understanding me.
I get awful dreams like drowning or being betrayed or being killed and things i can't explain.
Please help me.
Thank you so much :)
I've been in a relationship for about 3 years
My ex-boyfriend used to be so good. The after a year he started to change and life was like hell with him. He abused me with very bad words. He insulted me and my family all the time with words that no feelings can handle. During the second year, i never felt i had the power to leave. I was so weak and i used to cry every single night hoping that by the morning this nightmare will end. I was afraid that if i decide to leave he would hurt me and i couldn't handle this issue alone. Until the beginning of the third year, i started getting stronger. I was able to leave him, but the end was not so sweet. He hit me and insulted me to an extent that i had to hit him back and my nails got in his neck and blood got out.
After that, he remained coming after me and scaring me that he will hurt me or any of my close people at any moment.
However, all these years of pain included a big drawback in my university grades. I used to be the first in my class and then i barely passed my courses. I tried so hard to overcome what i've been through but i couldnt do that alone. I had to visit a psychologist. I was diagnosed with bipolar and hyperactivity. Prior to that also i was diagnosed with Graves disease. I took many medications.
About 2 years ago, the psychologist stopped my medication.
But i've never felt i'm back to normal.
I have a new boyfriend who is a real man and he always helped me in my struggles.
But i can never trust him. Anything he does makes me angry. When i'm angry , i feel i lose myself. I start crying and crying. And i say very bad things to him or to anyone in front of me. I feel i can't cotrol any of this. And he is starting to fear me.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so useless and depressed. Nothing makes me happy in life. I keep on thinking all the time. I feel like my head is having cramps on the forehead.
I don't know if i've ever been cured.
I don't want to lose the good people around me and i don't want to hurt them. For this reason' i'm starting to hurt myself just to get rid of my angriness. But no one is understanding me.
I get awful dreams like drowning or being betrayed or being killed and things i can't explain.
Please help me.
Thank you so much :)
You can keep going like you are going and eventually you may even be able to push it all inside and feel normal again. However, unresolved problems do not go away.... they worsen.
You can pretend like you are not hurting but it is good to have a good therapist to go to so that you can tell how you really feel. Everyone else might see the mask that you must wear for now but it is important to not forget the real you that is hiding underneath. I wish you the best and I hope that you come back if you need to.
You can pretend like you are not hurting but it is good to have a good therapist to go to so that you can tell how you really feel. Everyone else might see the mask that you must wear for now but it is important to not forget the real you that is hiding underneath. I wish you the best and I hope that you come back if you need to.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is very likely that you developed some symptoms of PTSD from your last relationship and those emotions are being triggered by this new man even though he did not do that to you. I know this because I went through the same thing with a girl I was with for a short time.
I also cut myself and hurt myself when I had to hold in my anger and frustration. I could not take it out on them so I would take it out on myself. You are going to have a struggle ahead of you, I will not lie about that but you can make it through to the other side if you learn some coping skills. I will leave it at that for now until I see that you come back, and I hope you do. I will help you learn what I know and you can build on that. This is not your fault. We are damaged people but we can learn to heal.
I also cut myself and hurt myself when I had to hold in my anger and frustration. I could not take it out on them so I would take it out on myself. You are going to have a struggle ahead of you, I will not lie about that but you can make it through to the other side if you learn some coping skills. I will leave it at that for now until I see that you come back, and I hope you do. I will help you learn what I know and you can build on that. This is not your fault. We are damaged people but we can learn to heal.
1 Comments
thank you for your comment. the hardest thing is that everytime i think that i got back to my normal self, but i always find out the opposite. i can't take this struggle anymore and i don't want to end up alone with no one around me. i'm trying to face everything with a smile no matter the pain i'm feeling on the inside. but that doesn't last a week, and i collapse again. i don't want to go to any psychologist or take any medicatiom
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