Friend or not?

[Libby2999]

So I'm going to be a freshmen this year. I've always been near the bottom of the food chain. I've got this friend who bipolar. She's really nice and careing. But kinda weird. She has huge mood swings and always by lunch time she breaks down crying. Small reasons, but it is ussaly bcuz someone was giving her a hard time and calling her a "freak". Whenever she crys she hides and won't let anyone in. She closes herself off. I want to help her but I don't understand it. I understand mood swings, but not to that extent. Should I comfort her? Or should I let her be? What can I tell her? I also get hated sometimes when seen talking to her. I'm confuzed, not sure what to do. I don't want to be the creepy girl that never talks again! But I want to help her, I just don't know how.

[Libby2999]

Alright. I guesse sometimes I do try to take on to much responsibility. I've got a ton of adults I can talk to. :)

[Xila31]

The best you can do is check out the health pages here for Bipolar, also check out NIHM (support for friends and family of bipolar.) And remember, you are her friend and not her doctor and if things get too hard for you, you can always talk to an adult. If you have no one at home, there are teachers or councelors or even at your church that can help.

Take care.

[Libby2999]

Thanks a ton, yes she is diganoised. She is on treatment, and I wish I did understand. Yes I'm still young and confuzed about friends. My best friend seams to ignor me a lot, or is she jeliuse of me. I can't tell. I always want to make everyone be happy, and a lot of times I find myself adopting the outcasts. I'll continue to support her. Although I do not know how it is for her at home I can give her my ears. God gave us two ears and one mouth. To me it seams she is ussaly ignored at home, and if she was allowed to talk more it'd help. She can be fun, I'll just do my best to not think of anything of her being weird. I still wish I could just understand. She probly feels so lonely, and like no one even makes an effort to understand. I'll do my best to listen. :)

Thanks a bunch
~libby

[Xila31]

First off, having grown up with most likely being bipolar I was the bottom of the food chain in school. I was very weird. I had weird beliefs, I talked about weird things no one understood, I was overly hyper or crying, I was suicidal, and I was not very good with people in general. I felt like no one cared at all, and if I did happen to die, there would be probably five people at my funeral. (My dad, my aunt, my 2 cousins, and the priest.)

I had friends but I didn't trust that they were my friends, not really. I could tell that I weirded them out as much as everyone else, but for some reason they hung around me. Or maybe it was me hanging around them and they just sort of dealt with it. Either way, it was not easy to watch people roll their eyes while I talked to them or interupt me because they were bored with what I was saying.

So, your friend probably already knows that you are uncomfortable.

If you want to be her friend you have to realize that things can get really bad for her inside her head. Sometimes she won't even realize how bad it actually is. Bipolar makes reality very distorted sometimes. So here are some questions. 1) Is she actually diagnosed bipolar or is that just what people say about her. 2) Does she have support at home. 3) Does she see a doctor about her bipolar and take medicine and go to treatment? Those are the three things that will help her.

As her friend you can listen, even if you don't understand. You may not have any advice, but you can just say, "I can listen, but I don't know what to do." Next, if she is suicidal or hurting herself, you need to either tell her she needs and adult to help her. This is important. Let her know you're there and be there if she needs you, but and adult needs to help her, too. Also, if she is always needing your support but doesn't ever support you back, then you need to talk to her about that.

Lastly, you're probably still pretty young from what I can tell. If you are going to be her friend and other kids don't want to be your friend, then they are not worth your time. Having 10 friends who will bail on you when something bad happens isn't worth it. Having 100 friends who will save themselves before you isn't worth it. Having 1 friend who is always there for you is totally worth it. You will not find 5, 10, 100 friends who will be there for you. Most people don't even find 1. I can tell you that even as a young adult, all of my friends left me the second I did something they did not aprove of, and today I realize the damage they caused me and regret ever having had them in my life. The only thing popularity does in the end is ensure that when something goes wrong/not to their liking, you are still struggling alone and wondering where everyone went.